Post # 1
I’m in need of a bit of advice. My sister started dating a guy about 8 months ago that she’s known for many years (maybe 15). She recently mentioned that they are thinking of moving together before the end of this year. I personally think she is moving too fast but I’m not sure if I should share my opinion. She is my older sister and she’s nearly 40 and has a son.
I don’t want her to think I’m not happy for her. What do you think?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t worry about it. She’s an adult and can make her own decisions – mistakes or not.
Post # 5
Just be supportive. Nobody I know (including myself) ever had a good experience voicing concerns like this to a friend/family member.
Post # 6
Like PP’s said, I wouldn’t worry about it unless maybe there were other circumstances surrounding her reasons? Does she usually jump into things and end up getting hurt? Does she have a history of making poor choices? If not it seems like she’s a big girl. She has a child and I doubt she would be making a decision w/o first thinking about him.
Post # 7
Is it strictly the time? Because they will have been together for a year and she’s a grown woman. I would have an issue of bringing a child around a new man with whom I didn’t have a deep sense of commitment. I would also have an issue if the man had other flaws that give you pause. Otherwise I would leave it alone. Can you flesh out your concerns a lil more.
Post # 8
@MrsPinkPeony: Actually yes. I should have included that in my OP.
I wouldn’t say she makes poor decisions generally but it seems like a pattern for her to jump in, balls to the wall and then it not work out. However, she hasn’t ever moved in with someone so that’s really where my concern comes in. If this ends up not working out it could be a bit messier. I guess part of this is my own guilt, I had similar reservations when my BFF got engaged very quickly and I didn’t voice them and it turned out to be a disaster. I’ll never know if I would have influenced that situation but have always felt maybe I should have said something. This seems like a second chance. But really, I’m not sure.
Post # 9
i wouldn’t say anything. she’ll probably just do it anyway and resent you for saying something. people have to make their own mistakes.
plus i moved in with my husband after 5 months of dating, and we’re very happy. although i didn’t have a child to think about.
Post # 10
@heather25: I don’t really have concerns about the guy. He seems nice but that’s just it, what do I know after only seeing him a few times? It’s not really about that I guess moreso the time and her tendency to be really excited and really happy about a relationship in the beginning and it not working out.
Post # 11
I moved in with my FI after 6 months of being together. We are very happy and it was the best decision for us.
I think that you should be supportive no matter what she chooses to do.
Post # 12
Well, considering my sister who is 21 just got engaged to a guy she was dating for three weeks and known for 2 months…no, I don’t think your sister is moving too fast. lol
Things like that all depend on the relationship. I went on my second date with my now husband and the day after that he went back to Iraq for 10 months. A week after he got home we were engaged…Some might think that is moving too fast but we are as happy as can be.
Post # 13
I think the most you can do is ask her a few questions but then respect her answer. Like say I know you’re really happy with him but what’s the plan if it doesn’t work out?
If you approach it as ‘I know what’s best for you’ that never works. It doesn’t work for wedding planning advice, baby advice, relationship advice, nothing.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
I would always say, yes, voice your opinion. Do it in a caring way, and then support her once she makes a decision. Nobody (except my mother) said anything to me about my abusive ex, and now of course they regret it. I think it’s always better to get it out there than to play it safe and see your sister get hurt. Just be sure you’re kind and considerate, and ask her if she’s thought through every possible outcome, bad and good. I’m sure she would appreciate it, and knows you love her
Post # 15
I agree with Sand Dollar – voice your concern, but only once in a caring way, then let her live her life with your support and love.
Post # 16
8 months doesn’t seem at all fast to me. And given the 15 years it doesn’t seem that risky in regards to the son either.
At most I might ask about the plan if it doesn’t work out.
But, for me when I moved out the obvious plan if it didn’t work out was… to move out. Not a huge deal IMO. Can she afford rent for her own apt? I wouldn’t worry too much.
IMO balls out and act as if it will work out is the only way live life, when things don’t work you just figure it out. What is the alternative? To be timid and afraid to be happy?