Thinking about calling off our wedding for a unusual reason… in need of advice

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I could understand where you were coming from until you said $5000 in non-refundable deposits…that’s a lot! Especially if you are just going to put off the wedding rather than cancel it forever. Could you keep your deposits and push the date back with the vendors? If not then I would still take your in-laws up on their offer and allow them to financially contribute to the wedding. There is no shame in moving back home because your FI injured himself.  It’s not like you guys are bums that refuse to work – he had an accident.

Post # 4
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Oh hunny! <Hugs> dont call of the wedding. They are your family and friends and they will understand if they dont then it is not their problem. You are perfectly fine.

Post # 5
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

maybe you can contact the vendors and see whether they will apply your retainers to another date down the road? that’s pretty common. 

Post # 6
13 posts

Pittsburgh! Woot woot!

First off, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds pretty shitty. Second, don’t call it off! So what if you’ll be living in someone’s basement? It’s not a typical situation, but it’s a part of your story. Someday you will be all moved out and living on your own, married, and you’ll be able to look back and say wow that was a pretty crazy time in our lives. But, you did it together. And in the end that’s really all that matters. I just can’t even imagine losing $5,000 because of a little too much pride. If people have something to say about it then screw them! And also, things have a way of working themselves out. By the time your wedding rolls around you may not be in this situation any more. Life is crazy and hectic and so freaking weird. If you wait for the perfect time to get married you could be waiting a long time, because life is never easy. I say jump in with both feet and have an amazing wedding!

Post # 7
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i wouldnt call it off…live with your parents, get married, and save while you are there then move when you are ready…u could always look for a cheaper apartment as well…dont let it bring you down

Post # 8
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kaytie327:  Please don’t be embarassed about living in your parents basement after the wedding.  MANY couples have to live with one set of parents to get on their feet.   I find nothing shameful about that at all.

I have a few professional friends that could have afforded to live in apartments but they wanted to be financially smart and took their parents up on their offer to live with them for free and they all say that though it was hard at times- it was totally worth it.

Keep the wedding, live in the basement, hold your head up high.

Post # 9
240 posts
Helper bee

@kaytie327:  For better or for worse, right? … If this had happened after you were married, you wouldn’t be contemplating divorce, so I don’t think you should call off the wedding. If you were worried about paying for the wedding, then I might change my answer. But it sounds like you’ve got that covered through your in-laws’ generous gift. Don’t worry about what other people think. There are lots of people who end up moving back in with their parents after they are married based on financial need (or simply to save money for a downpayment on a house). You won’t be the first or last couple to do this.

Post # 10
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You really need to follow your gut on this one. Do what you would be most happy doing. Make a pros and con list then throw it away and go with what your heart says. This is the best way to avoid any regrets. I wish you all the best!

Post # 11
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It’s not ideal but that’s ok. It’s temporary. I wouldn’t call it off. I would just have the wedding and save your money while you are living w/ your parents.

Post # 12
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

@kariebee43:  +1


A marriage isn’t about having everything together, it’s about the two of you being together.  I would go for it!

Post # 13
243 posts
Helper bee

If anyone would be negative or make you feel like less of a person for that, then they are really not worth your time. Your situation is completely understandable. Have the wedding, and dont stop smiling that entire day, you deserve to enjoy it

Post # 15
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Re: living with your parents

Shit happens, and life throws curve balls at us sometimes.  Throughout your married lives there will be highs and lows.  If you two feel ready to get married, you should get married, regardless of your living situation.  FWIW, I think you guys are doing the responsible thing by cutting down your living costs like this.


 Re: the wedding

A wedding is different than a marriage – weddings are wonderful, but a dream wedding is not necessary for a marriage.  The wedding industry has been very good at marketing many “needs” for a wedding that, while lovely, are nice details rather than necessities.


Since you already paid a few of the vendors, is there a way you can negotiate with them to see if they can adjust what you’ve reserved to be more budget friendly?  For example, could you have shorter hours at the venue, reserve a cheaper time, perhaps adjust the meal options?  Is it possible to cut down the guest list?


Good luck, hope your FI feels better, and hope things look up for you guys.

Post # 16
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so sorry about what is happening to you and your guy! Seems like a great deal of bad luck on his part there! If I were you I wouldn’t cancel the wedding just based on the fact that you’ve already spent $5,000. I’m sure most people will know the kind of situation you are in due to his injuries, and understand that you still want to be married despite this fact. I’m sure people will also realize that you probably have a lot of things planned and already booked before finding all of this out. 

On the part about him never wanting to return to the academy again. Who knows where he will stand in 2015 when the next one that he will be eligible for will begin! Maybe he will get police academy goggles (is that a thing?) and forget all of the bad, hard times that he had to go through. It’s like when you graduate from high school thinking you would never want to go back, but then years later you think about how great it would be forgetting how horrible it actually was for you then, you know?

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