(Closed) Thinking about canceling our October wedding =/

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

WoW!!! WTH?  I can hardly believe FFIL had the “guts” to call people and tell them that THEY had to pay to go to your wedding!!!  What Nerve!!!  What does your FI want to do?  Who are these 80 additional people that your FFIL wants to suddenly invite?  Can you just ignore FFIL and just go ahead with your plans on your own terms? 

Post # 4
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If small is how you wanted it to be, I’d say that if you’re going to cancel, 5 months out is as close as I’d want to cut it.

And I’m sure that the guests who were told by FI’s dad that they’d have to pay to attend would totally understand the phrase “due to circumstances out of our control, we have decided to have a private ceremony. Thank you for your support.”

Post # 5
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, I have never heard of anything so outrageous.  That’s a tough decision.  I’d either flat-out tell dad the guest list stays as is, or go with Mexico and leave dad home.

Post # 6
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I just think it is a shame to cancel YOUR planned wedding day and elope just because FFIL is such a _ _ _ _!!!  IMO maybe HE should stay home!!!  What a Jerk!!!!

Post # 7
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh wow…im stumbling over the fact that he made a SPREADSHEET…how crazy is that.

 

I feel your concern though..and i have thought of doing this a million times for the exact same reason (but not to this extent)

I think it would be best to leave it alone right now and see how things go. You and your FI need to put you feet into the ground and not budge an inch though. Your wedding, your money, your day…plain and simple.

Post # 8
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

 

Your FFIL called potential guests and told them they had to PAY to come to your wedding. I’m so sorry this happened. 200 people is still a lot.  It seems like a total shame to cancel the wedding you have been planning… but sitting here thinking about how I would feel if my FFIL did that… I would be so embarrassed and probably have the same reaction you just did.  

Did you send out save the dates? 

Post # 9
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

WOW!! You should go a head and continue your plans.  You can’t let this hic up ruin your wedding plans.  What are you going to do the next time the FFIL does something like this to you guys again?  Are you going to change plans again??? Anyone who needs clarification will do the right thing and call you both. Simply ignored the FFIL and move on. About the 80 people, since you are both paying for it, then you get to decide. It should be as simple as that. If he doesnt like it then he needs to deal with it! This is about you both, not about the FFIL or anyone else.  

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s so incredibly rude. 80 people?! That’s just insane. It be different if it were 2.

I’d have your FI have a serious conversation with him – that he needs to stop interfering and there’s nothing he can do to change your mind about the guest list.

 

Post # 11
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow that’s awful, so the people that the FFIL called, were they already invited to the wedding? Or are those the 80 people he wanted to invite.

I’m so sorry :(. I can’t believe he did that, especially tell people they have to pay & also to make that excel sheet. I’d make him call every single one of those people back & apologize, or not include him. WOW.

Post # 12
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That is being completely unreasonable.  In most situations, I think people can work throught the problems and shouldn’t cancel the wedding.  However, in this case, I totally would be flying very FAR FAR AWAY to get married. 

Post # 13
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Ugh – I’m so sorry FI’s dad is being jerk about all of this.

I went through a similar situation (trying to decide if I should cancel because of my own family).  What I learned through the process is that I had to decide what I wanted (crazy family members aside).  If you decide you still want to do the wedding as planned, continue on with your plans.  You’ll have to play damage control to the crazy rumors that FI’s dad is spreading about invited guests needing to pay – but any reasonable person will ask and when you tell them, be fine with it.

It seems that FI’s dad is trying to play a control game with him – and, as FI is literally stepping out an creating his own family, trying to be a bully and make him do what he wants.  Kudos to your FI for sticking up for himself (and you!) by not giving in.

I wouldn’t scrap all plans just being FI’s dad is being a jerk, personally.  Take this weekend and give yourself some time to let the frustration and anger dissipate and then decide together what it is that the two of you really want.  Don’t cheat yourself out of a wonderful celebration with supportive friends and family just because his dad is flipping out.

Post # 15
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Whoa, FI’s father sounds like he’s really out of line.  As a father, the spreadsheet was ridic because your FI didn’t ask to be born.  He decided to be a father, and that costs money.  Your FI doesn’t owe a debt for that.  Jeez, I would of been so upset.  And he obviously had no right to tell people they’d have to pay to attend your wedding!  I hope you were able to smooth that over. 

I personally understand why people end up scratching the traditional wedding idea and going somewhere tropical, with a smaller guest list.  I don’t know if you’ll regret going away, but you can rest assured that you’ll be avoiding a lot of headaches, and spending less money.  As long as you include every person that means a lot to you, it may be for the best. 

Post # 16
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

I think the most annoying/outrageous part of this whole story is the spreadsheet that he created. Basically he kept tabs on the money, time, energy, etc it took to raise your FI. Now that the two of you are getting married it’s your FI’s responsibility to pay it back via feeding, entertaining, and giving favors to 80 of his acquaintances?? And not even close family or friends because you already had a list which probably included people very close to FI. I’m sorry I’m just really having trouble understanding this childlike behavior.

In my honest opinion, if it was my own father behaving that way, I would probably continue with the original plans rather than canceling them and having a small destination wedding. I would want to have my family and friends there and I wouldn’t want to regret it later on just because my dad was being a jerk. And most importantly, I would ask that he immediately call each guest and apologize for what he said to them. If he decided not to do this, I wouldn’t invite him to my wedding. Harsh but necessary.

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