- 6 years ago
I got engaged a few weeks ago. I am thrilled and so excited to be spending my life with such a wonderful man:)
My fiance proposed to me with a ring that has been in his family for about 80 years. His great-grandfather gave it to his great-grandmother as a “just because” ring during the Depression, and then his grandfather gave it to his grandmother as an engagement ring. I was extremely touched that, out of their whole family, she wanted me to have it.
The ring is a 3 stone platinum ring- the center stone is about 1/5 carat and the sidestones are smaller, I’d say less than 1/10 carat each. The diamonds were once all flush with each other, but his grandmother had the center diamond put in a higher setting (I would describe it as sort of like a bezel setting, but a box shape) to make it more modern, since that was in style when she got it in the 1950’s
I think the ring is lovely, but it’s not at all “me”. Before we were engaged, I told my fiance several times that I wanted to pick out my own ring, because I am VERY particular about jewelry and wanted to wear the ring for the rest of my life, and he agreed. After I got the ring, I expressed to him that it was lovely, but not “me”. He told me that he didn’t let me pick out a ring because he wanted me to be really surprised about the engagement, he preferred something sentimental, and that he wasn’t shocked that I didn’t love the way it looked- he just wanted me to have it and so did his grandmother (it was originally her idea). He had no idea that women wore engagement rings the rest of their lives and said I didn’t have to wear it after we were married.
I have been given the option of changing the ring (by both my fiance and his grandmother) and am thinking of keeping the ring band and side stones but getting a new setting and larger diamond for the center stone. I am not at all a vain or materialistic person but the stones are VERY small. I have never wanted a gigantic diamond, but I am a professional in a large city and I can see how people react to my current ring. I want something that has sentiment AND that I can be proud of wearing. At first I planned to get a new ring after I got married, but I can’t imagine wearing something as my engagement ring that wasn’t what he proposed with. I didn’t specifcally tell his grandmother that the change I wanted was a larger stone, but she did say to change it however we wanted.
Is changing the center stone appropriate? Some of my friends/family say I should change it however I want, but others have told me that I should only change the setting of the center stone, not swap it for a larger diamond. I would keep the center 1/5 carat stone and probably set it in another piece of jewelry or give to another member of his family if they wanted something “heirloom”.
Thoughts? I don’t really think getting a bigger stone is a huge deal, since people upgrade stones on non-heirlooms rings all the time, but who knows?