- 4 years ago
Bees. I am having a really rough time with my..parents. I am just going to give you all a quick synopsis of everything they have done which has hurt me. I want to explain the family dynamics first as well. I would like to know what you would do in my situation. There is no reasoning with them or communicating. They won’t listen and they don’t mind taking drastic measures. Yes, I am a grown woman (22)! I am so frustrated and sad I still have to deal with this. Here we goo…
The first time that I began to see my dad as vicious was when I needed homework help for Chem. I was failing the course and needed a tutor. Instead of getting me a tutor, he decided to tutor me himself. He got impatient with me and would yell at me. My neighbors even heard. He was an awful teacher. Some people aren’t meant to teach. But the fact that a father could yell at his daughter for not understanding a complicated subject baffles me as I look back. It really hurts. I can’t believe my mom didn’t actively come in as she was hearing him yell and curse and hire a tutor for me. I know I could have, but I needed money which I did not have for that kind of thing. In a similar situation, I had an awful piano teacher. She would yell at me as well and bang my hands against the piano in frustration. Still, my mom would listen and not stick up for me and fire the lady. She wouldn’t do this for her own daughter. The woman was awful.
When I was 18, I began working for a retail company. My parents had set up an account for me. I didn’t see the account. I was just told that all my money would go into this. They never gave me the money. I had to go to college and I asked for the money, but they said it was going into a fund. IT WAS MY MONEY. I lost about $300 that I could have used for personal use because they decided to be controlling.
In college, I got with the wrong guy. Yes, he was horrible to be and manipulative. My dad never met him. He used to track our phone messages and then he would text my ex when he would see me texting late. My dad was texting his 19 year old daughter’s boyfriend to not text his daughter past a certain time. Mortifying, I know. I was a grown at this point and I was up doing work! The fact that he thought this is ok is abnormal. It’s sickening.
My mom and I went to therapy in the past year because we realized things were getting bad. All in all, she is the more rational one, or so I thought. As I cried about my dad in therapy, my therapist told me she wanted to meet with him and then with us again as a family. My parents did not bother to make this appointment. She was their therapist on their plan. I can’t make him go to therapy.
My dad constantly yells at me to not get distracted from my schoolwork in front of my BF when we hang out. This is a direct indication to my man that I should not be seeing him too much. I have made excellent grades and have not given him a reason to be so obnoxious. I had being yelled at in front of anyone by him. He’s embarassing himself.
Finally, I went to go see my BF this weekend. I was so excited. I have NEVER gone to see him alone before in his hometown! in all the years! When I told my dad that this happened, he sent me a very vicious text asking me if I am that desperate. He then said that if I do it again, he will take drastic measures. This means that he will take away my car (I am a senior in college). I have 1 job, 1 internship and a life outside of the dorm I am living in AS A SENIOR. When I told him this, he said, “Mom or I can drop you.” How unrealistic? It really makes me sad that he is being unreasonable and irrational to spite me. I talked to my mom about this and she said “You are losing respect by going there”. I don’t believe I have lost any respect by visiting his family. I am holed up in a dorm and going to see them once in a while should not cause them to disrespect me. I then finally told my mom if my dad and her kept acting like this, I will have to cut them off. She said, “Ok. Well think about that and see if it’s right or wrong”. She basically was hinting that it was wrong and that they are the victims.
I have some serious issues that I am facing as an adult because of what my parents have put me through. They don’t word things kindly yet they expect me to run to them like they have never disrespected me at all. It is a constant cycle of hurt and irrational behavior with them. It has to stop. I am frustrated. This is more than just a cultural thing (I am Armenian). This is affecting who I am.
What Would You Do? Help me please.