(Closed) Thinking about eloping and…

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: Are we wrong for secretly eloping?
    I don't think you are wrong if you elope under the circumstances. : (5 votes)
    12 %
    You should just have sex and forgive yourselves, and then get married as planned. : (22 votes)
    54 %
    Other, please explain. : (14 votes)
    34 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Shaundanae:  Hi there, is your wedding in October this year?  So you’d have to wait 3 more months technically?

     

    I am not sure if getting married in advance and keeping it a secret just so you can have sex is a good enough reason to go through all the cherades. 

    Can you do other things like manual or oral stimulation – or do your beliefs prehibit that?

    Post # 4
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Shaundanae:  Is it for religious reasons that you wnt to abstain until you are married? Or just a personal decision?

    Post # 5
    Member
    2488 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We are geting married  a week before you

    but planning on doing the legal part now in a court house so that I don’t have to pay for this semester of school.

    We’d plan to keep it a secret and only tell our besties and maybe my mom and maybe the oficiant.

    but thats about it no one else would know.

     

    however if your belifes are so strong.

    DON”T DO IT OUT OF MARRIAGE_ IT WIL NOT BE AS ENJOYABLE

    and if you wai til our wedding night I think you’ll enjoy it more.

    thats coming from th mouth of expeirance.

    I

    Post # 6
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    How long have you two been together? I know its hard, but I would try to wait. I’m sure there are a ton of other reasons you two want to get married, but the only reason you’ve given is to have sex. And I don’t think thats a good reason to get married (unless its one of many, many, many other reasons).

    Post # 7
    Member
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If you want to wait for marriage because of religion I have to say I dont believe that is right since youd be eloping within your religion then getting married again within your religion would be well wrong in my opinion especially if it is catholic and if youd be eloping legaly but married within your religion then the original marriage would not count for your religion. If you insist on waiting till your married then suck it up. BTW I dont agree with waiting till marriage at all but its your plan then wait till your actually married in front of everyone this is the devil you choose.

    Post # 8
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee

    Just do it now. It’ll be one less thing to stress about when planning the wedding, and you’ll probably enjoy the honeymoon more!

     

    If you’re worried about being judged for getting pregnant before, just use protection and stop once you’re married!

    Post # 9
    Member
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Persoanlly I think lying to you loved ones and misleading them is a lot worse than having sex before marriage. 

    I think you should either wait until after marriage as you intended, or just go ahead and have sex, but lying to people is not cool in my book.

    Post # 10
    Member
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Shaundanae:  The fact that it would be secret and you would be “going through all the motions” on your wedding day, just for sex, worries me. If you would go through all of this just to have sex, wouldn’t it be easier to just buckle down, use willpower for a few more months, and then have sex on your real wedding night? I think if you’ve been waiting this long, it’s worth waiting longer: it will make your big wedding seem more special, otherwise it would probably just seem like a show, nothing real–at least that’s how you seemed to describe it. Plus, if you’re TTC right after and you DO get pregnant right away, people are going to know–and they’re either going to think you broke your committment or find out you married behind their backs, and I think either way you would cause unneeded drama. 

    Good luck: I really do think you can wait. Depending what your beliefs are, there are other things other than textbook-definition intercourse!

    Post # 11
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It’s hard for me, as an atheist, to grasp why premarital sex is bad but getting married for the sole purpose of having sex is good. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Shaundanae:  Hi there, is your wedding in October this year?  So you’d have to wait 3 more months technically?

     

    I am not sure if getting married in advance and keeping it a secret just so you can have sex is a good enough reason to go through all the cherades. 

    Can you do other things like manual or oral stimulation – or do your beliefs prehibit that?

    Post # 13
    Member
    1456 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My husband and I waited to have sex until we were married for religious reasons. It’s definitely not the easiest thing, but it can be done. I think you’d likely feel guilty for having sex before you were married, or for lying to your families, which would likely take some of the enjoyment out of having sex. 

    I was told once that sex is like air, it’s not a big deal unless you don’t have enough of it. 

    You’ll have to make the decision that’s best for your circumstances, but for us I was glad we waited. We didn’t have any problems on our honeymoon, or any since, and I think it’s been less stressful than trying to hide anything. Good luck!

    Post # 15
    Member
    2702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Honestly, I’d be extremely insulted as a guest to find out you got married a few months beforehand just because you didn’t want to wait to have sex (and people will find out).  Also, remember that you’ll be lying to guests about being married so while you avoid one sin, you are partaking in another.  So yes, I think it would be wrong for you to marry now and have a fake wedding later.  I think you should just wait until you are married.  You can do it!

    Post # 16
    Member
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think lying to your family and friends all to allow guiltless sex is immature and…something else I can’t put my finger on.  It seems ridiculous and wrong.

    The topic ‘Thinking about eloping and…’ is closed to new replies.

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