- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
Hi all thank you for taking the time to read this, sorry but this will be a little long.
I have been married to my husband for 2years, and recently had a baby girl 6weeks ago.
Our relationship has been rocky from the start, we were only together for a short time before getting married, we met each other got engaged and married within a year, but at the time we thought you know when you have met the right person so why wait.
I feel looking back to before we got married my husband did show signs of aggression but also signs of wanting to control. I guess I was blind and in love and thought It would just get better, or that It was just a one off time and he was just angry so it was okay.
I have now realised two years later that my husband is not normal, he is very abusive emotionally and physically (not to the point of punching in the face or anything) but mildly abusive, like pushing, hitting my head, pulling my hair, he did push me over whilst I was pregnant and says nasty comments like he hoped I would loose the baby. Lately he has said comments to me like I fucked up my life getting married to you, I know who I should have married and I fucked up, or has said to me just take the baby and fuck I don’t care I can go and make more babies I don’t care.
Since she was born he showed interest for the first week then after that when he would come home from work he wouldnt seriously every look at he for 1min or if I asked him to feed her so I could have a shower he would either winge and say he’s been working all day, or huff and puff about it as if I was asking him to run a marathon! When I hear other fathers say beautiful things about their children and say how much they love them i think why isn’t my husband like that, I feel like he doesn’t love her.
Never has he offered to help me with the baby not once since the day she has been born has he gotten up during the night so I could have a good night sleep, not even one time?! I understand he works but couldn’t he just offer it once? The first two weeks I had the baby were the hardest for me I was constantly crying and upset, and was so tired and he would just get annoyed when I cried and said I was winging and I need to toughen up and get over it. Obviously he was affectionate at times. But it hit me badly when he abused my mum and told her off when she was coming at night to help me so get I could get a rest and he made her stop coming because he was the father and if I needed help then I should ask him, but when I did he never helped!
He constantly says nasty comments always putting me down, and is never supportive of anything I do, he always finds the negative things to pick at, and he has me at my wits end. I feel like I have lost my confidence and now I start to think negative about myself with things like I will never be successful financially, and even when it would come to finding a job I think that I couldn’t do it no matter what the job is, I feel like all I will ever be able to do is beauty therapy which is what I’ve been doing since I left school.
Anyway i am so hurt, I just feel like I love this person much, and don’t understand how they can be so cold and hurtful. I guess what keeps my hopes up is after we have a fight and he has pushed me around he comes up to me and (never apologises) he just says you made me so angry, as if to justify his actions, but he will want to talk and say we need to work things out, and says he will try change and be better and not get as angry as he does, and I get my hopes up and think maybe things will change and he will try be bette But it will last a week or so. And once he gets in that angry state he wouldn’t give a shit about what he does or says to me.
He will not only put me down, but also my family and say nasty comments about them which is very hurtful, and when I get annoyed and say nasty things back about his family (just cause I get so annoyed and angry as I can’t handle being spoken to like that) he will go so crazy and even more angry and will attack me, last time I was holding the baby and he didn’t even care, I got so scared.
My husband is very wealthy and so is his family, and he always uses the fact that he works hard and pays the mortgage and bills against me and says I don’t do anything to help him. Which I admit I don’t as my job doesn’t pay that we’ll, and now I am off work because of the baby. but realistically i could never go back to work if I didn’t want to as financially we don’t need to. It seems like he is so money driven and to him he thinks he is better than everyone else just because he has money and doesn’t give a shit about anyone else. And he isn’t shy to admit what he thinks.
I am afraid that if I leave he will try take my daughter off me, as he has the money I am scared he could pay a amazing lawyer to try and take her from me, as if I was to leave him I have no income or money to support her, even though I have so much support from my family and would stay with them, I just get worried that the court would think I can’t look after her. I don’t think the courts would see that as a reason to take her from me as I would start work again in a couple months but it is scary just thinking about it. As besides the fact he said he didn’t give a shit about her his family will tell him what the hell are you doippt hat is your child, and he will try do anything to be mean to me or get back at me.
Also forgot to mention that I am 22 and my husband is 33 which also seems why he wants to be so controlling as he treats me like child.
He is also super close to his dad and I feel like his family especially his dad always want to know our business and my husband always listens to his dad when it comes to making decisions with things, which gets very frustrating as he needs to just cut the umbilical cord and be his own person and me and him need to make decisions for ourselves.
obviously I between all this he does show me love and affection and that is what draws BMW back into his web because I love him so much and I didn’t just get married for the fun of it, I got married to be with the person I love, and I just wish that without all this bullshit we could just live happily, that is all I ever ask for but I don’t think that will even happen between us,
There is so much more I could say and write but I will leave it at that and just wanted some honest advise and help as to what is should do, I am just so scared.