Thinking about leaving my husband.. Scared and unsure of how to do it?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

omg Im so sorry bee, but please run like the wind. YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS hellish relationship.

The first thing you need to do before even asking for the official divorice is to contact an attorney ASAP. They will walk you through everything, and help you document the abuse.

Due to his abuse, it is very unlikely he will get custody of your child. Especially seeing the age of the baby, he will have a difficult time removing him/her from you. You are the mother, and the court usually respects that. And it seems that he might not have any actual interest in that, but is using it as leverage against you… to control you again.

Please pack what you need and move in with family or friends and contact a lawyer ASAP. Best wishes to you, please keep us updated and congrats on the best decision of your life… to leave this POS.

Post # 4
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

omg Im so sorry bee, but please run like the wind. YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS hellish relationship.

The first thing you need to do before even asking for the official divorice is to contact an attorney ASAP. They will walk you through everything, and help you document the abuse.

Due to his abuse, it is very unlikely he will get custody of your child. Especially seeing the age of the baby, he will have a difficult time removing him/her from you. You are the mother, and the court usually respects that. And it seems that he might not have any actual interest in that, but is using it as leverage against you… to control you again.

Please pack what you need and move in with family or friends and contact a lawyer ASAP. Best wishes to you, please keep us updated and congrats on the best decision of your life… to leave this POS.

Post # 5
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

get out. Im not kidding you or going to even ‘rosey’ it up.

 

I had to do a runner many years ago on my kids dad who was  EXACTLY the same and by the time I actually left, I was a shell for many years and it messed me up badly.

 

get out of there.

I know I sound harsh sweetheart but please think of your child because he WILL treat your child this way eventually too and the DAMAGE it can do to a child is imeasurable.

Your young and have a beautiful baby AND a mum whom obviously cares. Make your plans and gain a decent life xox 

Post # 6
Member
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am so sorry. I barely made it through the first couple of paragraphs, because it was hard to read. Here is my advice-get out now. Leave. ANY type of abuse is unacceptable-verbal, physical, emotional, mental. You have both your and your daughter’s safety to think about. There are a lot of issues he has, but really…take your daughter and get away. You need to contact someone about the abuse that has been happening. I am not an expert by any means on how to handle the legal side…but do get out and talk with someone immediately (lawyer, police officer, etc.) on how to proceed. Neither you or your daughter ever deserve to be treated in such a way. Please keep us updated!

Post # 7
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Abby101:  I am so so sorry you are going through this. Usually I would say to ask him to go for therapy of some kind, but you have a baby girl to think about too – you don’t want her getting hurt too. I have seen relationships like this and narrowly avoided one like this for myself. They use the loving moments to draw you back it. It is part of their control mechanism.

 

I really think you should move out. Just pack up and leave while he is at work. If you do not have family to go to, then there should be women’s centres who can take you in and keep you safe.

 

If you feel like your resolve is waiving, re-read your post on here and imagine it was written by your daughter – would you tell her to stay or run? Please keep you and your daughter safe

Post # 8
Member
48 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry for this hard time, but RUN RUN RUN!!!

omg those are awful comments and physical abuse??

 

Crap get out before you wind up on 48 hour murder mystery-SERIOUSLY!!!

Post # 9
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

Oh my gosh – I couldn’t read this and not post. Please please please leave. Get out, get a lawyer and stay with your mom, it’s great that you have a supportive family. Do you have any evidence (texts, emails, voicemails?) of his abuse/him saying he doesn’t care for your daughter? It might help with convincing a court that you should get custody of your daughter. Honestly, he sounds like a complete sociopath.

Post # 10
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Abby101:  Realistically, I don’t think he is going to try to take the baby from you.  In fact, from what you’re saying he seems to have little to no interest in the baby.  Is this a baby you planned together?  Was he supportive during the pregnancy?  Have you asked him if he wants a divorce?  Regardless, you need to think of your baby and you and what you need to do to be safe.  I agree with other PPs, you need to leave ASAP.  Maybe call family and friends to find a temporary place to stay.  So sorry you’re going through this, *HUGS*

Post # 11
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

I should mention also, that its a typical abusive relationship trait to fall into the “but I love him” train of thought.

Of COURSE you do.. the part of him that pursuades you to stay and the sweet honeymoon period you fell in love with.

Its a very common manipulative trait abusers share –  I dont mean physical abusers although yours is up there.

You have your whole LIFE ahead of you and I can almost garantee that if you stay, in the blink of an eye you’ll be 10 years older with NOTHING, socially removed, estranged from your own family and (at the very least)  a verbal punching bag trying to protect a damaged child.

You both deserve far and above this.

Post # 12
Member
4223 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Call your lawyer first for advice on how to proceed. Have a police escort for when you pack your things and leave, or have him out of the house. Stay with a family member or in a womens shelter. But get OUT and AWAY from him. Make sure you file a police report about the abuse. Good luck to you and your daughter. 

Post # 13
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.  It breaks my heart.  This is emotional, physical, verbal and financial abuse and it has no role in a marriage.  Please seek out your local domestic violence organization.  In many cases they have shelters where you can stay with your daughter, they’ll help you get on your feet, get a job find child care, find a permanent place to stay.  Many times they’ll also have court advocates to help you go through the restraining order or divorce process.  All of this is free.  They are there to be your advocate in times like this.  

Please know that as soon as you decide to leave, your husband will threaten you and then he’ll turn charming and try to convince you to stay.  He’ll promise to do better and to help with the baby.  These are just ploys, however, to get you to stay.  He wants to control you and he can’t do that if you’re gone.  

You need to get out.  I’m not sure where you live but I would really really encourage you to seek help from your local domestic violence organization.  If you don’t know who it is, most states have a 211 service. http://www.211.org/ On the website you can look up the specific phone number for your area (in most cases however, you just dial 211).  It’s a referal service for all kinds of social service agencies including domestic violence.  They’ll put you in touch with the right people.  

Please, for the sake of your future and your daughter’s future, I encourage you to end this abusive relationship.

 

Post # 15
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you should not tolerate that behavior.  can you go to your parents’ house, a relative or close friend?  can you find a women’s shelter for abused women to help you get back on your feet.

 

Post # 16
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with pp, please leave ASAP. Niether you nor your child deserve this life. Go to your family, contact a lawyer, and contact a therapist for yourself to help you start the healing process so you can be the best mom to your daughter. Also look up the cycle of abuse, what you described fits it to a T.

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