Post # 1
I got engaged in late 2016. Seven years before that I was diagonsed with Parkinsons and then met my FI shortly after that. He has been very supportive and I love him for that. However, my condition has worsened to the where my hands quite a bit, stiffness, and problems with walking. My FI travels quite a bit for his job and when he is in town I can tell that it takes a toll on him to help me. My doctors recommended that I undergo deep brain stimulation surgery to get electrodes and stimulator implanted which may help with the symptoms of Parkinsons. Surgery is schudeled for May 30th. I’m thinking about calling off the engagment and taking a break with my FI so i can recover at my parents’ home from the surgery. Has done this before? I will be taking to my FI on Monday when he gets back from a work trip.
Post # 2
You do understand calling off an engagement is essentially saying ‘I don’t want to marry you’ or even ‘let’s break up’?
There is no shame in needing to postpone your wedding or take some time off from planning to recover and get things sorted but you certainly don’t need to call of your engagement.
If you did call it off, what would the plan be? Would you ever get married? Would he have to propose again?
IMO, calling off an engagement after all the support your FI has given you would be a slap in the face. Unless there are other issues you haven’t told us about?…
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would talk to him about this. I don’t see why you’d need to call off the engagement but maybe postpone the wedding if you have a date set.
FYI, I’ve seen some serious success for patients with Parkinson’s and the deep brain stimulator! Good luck. Sending hugs.
Post # 4
Do you still want to marry him? Does he still want to marry you? You can postpone your wedding without breaking off your engagement. Think about this, Bee.
Sending healing wishes your way.
Post # 5
Sorry things are so tough for you right now. Why do want to call off the engagement? I don’t think engagement is a thing you can take a break from. It’s a commitment. Postponing the wedding is fine. Taking time with family is fine. But you don’t need to break that commitment for either of those.
Post # 6
I’m sorry you have to go through this, it is a tough time! You know you can recover at your parents’ without breaking off the engagement right?
I personally wouldn’t call off the engagement, just put off the wedding planning for a while. You can still be engaged while you recover. FI and I got engaged in January 2012, and I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder in March/April 2012 and anxiety & Bipolar disorder type 2 a year later. Sure it’s a tough time to go through as a couple and it means you can’t get married as soon as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you have to call it all off and break the engagement.
Ultimately it is something you need to decide as a couple. Talk to him, like you plan to, about how you’re feeling and see what he thinks. Good luck bee and I hope the surgery goes well!
Post # 7
I disagree. Why do you think he won’t support you? if you call it off, he may feel rejected and unloved. Big Mistake in my opinion.
Post # 8
If my husband had broken off the engagement that would have been it for us. If he wanted to post-pone the wedding for valid reasons that would have been fine and we would have figured it out, but breaking the engagement entirely, I would have been extremely hurt.
Are you re-thinking marrying your FI or do you want to just post-pone the wedding?
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris
Why not just postpone the wedding…
Post # 10
Just adding to all the others.. Why would you want to break off the engagement ? Unless you are intending to ‘free’ him from the intent to marry you , that is. When you say calling off the engagment and taking a break with my FI” do you mean taking a break FROM your fi?
He might, as a pp has said, take that as tantamount to a vote of no confidence in his ability to love and care for you.
If you really do fear that is the case, then I can understand it , of course , but if you are doing it out of nobility as it were , are you then intending not to see him any more? I don’t think you can really take a break from an engagement , it either exists or it’s ended
If you know your condition won’t make any difference to him, then not only do I not see the point in breaking off the engagement , but I don’ t even see the point in postponing the wedding .Scaling it right down and make it as stress free as poss, I can see that .
I am SO sorry this thing is happening to you and I hope very strongly for a good outcome from the surgery.
Post # 11
I don’t understand. Why would you need to break off your engagement to recover from surgery?? Do you not want to marry him? You said it takes a toll on him to help you, so are you saying you’re doing this to ‘release’ him? That may not be his view at all!
Post # 12
kycoll : I’m sorry your having to go through all this and hope the surgery works well.
I don’t understand why you need to break up with him or end the engagement. Do you still want to be together and marry him? If the answer is yes then I would recommend talking to him about it. Extend out the engagement and explain that you want to give him a break after surgery and stay with your parents for a bit.
Post # 13
I think if you call off the engagement then you won’t get back together – that’s how most “called off engagements” work – you either want to marry that person, or you don’t. You can have a longer engagement and postpone the wedding/planning, but I think you need to figure out if you want to get married or not. I’m sorry you’re going through this and hope you get better quickly and that the surgery goes smoothly.
Post # 14
I think you mean postponing the wedding, not calling off the engagement. I think it’s perfectly appropriate to put your health over a wedding. DO what you need to do for yourself and your health.
Post # 15
I’m thinking maybe you mean you want to postpone the wedding, not call it off entirely? If you love your FI and want to eventually marry him, please don’t break the engagement! That would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me and for many people, as you’re telling him you no longer want to marry him. I think you have a completely valid reason to postpone if you’ll be going through medical treatment and need time to recover.
FWIW, I met my now-husband shortly after I had extensive brain surgery. Has it always been easy? Nope. But he is my person, and I’d never have dreamed of calling off my engagement as I went through additional surgeries and recovery. That’s where the whole “in sickness and in health” thing comes in!
I wish you the best with your treatments.