Post # 1
A distant cousin of mine is getting married in June, and my mom would really like for our family to go. She gave me a heads-up a few months ago to write the date in my planner. I was thinking that I probably would go, because I never get to see that part of my extended family…even though I’m not particularly close with the cousin.
I never got an invitation so I asked my mom if she got one, and the deal is this: they sent an invitation to her house and just put my name on it as well. I haven’t lived at home since I turned 18 (I’m 24 now), and I’ve been married for almost 7 months. My husband’s name was not on the invitation.
I told my mom that I will probably skip this event, I’m not going without my husband and I think it was weird that they just stuck my name on my mom’s invite when I haven’t lived in her home in 6 years.
Would you even think about this? It’s really not a big deal, although my mom does really want me to go. I don’t think I’m going to give it another thought, I told her to RSVP “no” for me.
Post # 3
i would probably not go. If i didnt get a direct invitation with my SO’s name on it i wouldnt go…. i wouldnt risk being rude as asking if he can come.
Post # 4
I would only RSVP no if you ask if your husband is invited and they say that he isn’t. Because that would be rude of them to invite you and not him.
I wouldn’t worry too much about them just putting your name on her invite, some people just don’t think things through properly or just don’t follow etiquette as closely as others….
That’s just my opinion!! 🙂
Post # 5
Meh, I’ve been tacked on to distant relative’s invites to my parents even though I haven’t lived there since 2003 and never thought twice. If you want to go, just double check that your husband is welcome (which he should be!!). The bride could have handled it better seeing as you’re MARRIED, but I doubt it was meant to be insulting.
Post # 6
Same thing happened to FI & I with his cousin. We still went, hung with family and had fun. IMO- its not a huge deal. If you& her still talk I would just let her know you received the invite through your mom and send her a quick email with your address or something so she has it. If she was suggesting your DH is not invited that would be different– it just sounds like a case of mismanaged invites that a quick call should clear up.
Post # 7
This happened to me. I have been living with FI for years and engaged for just as long. My cousin sent an invitation addressed to me “and guest” to my parents house which I haven’t lived at for about 10 years. I was pissed, but then I thought about it, and she’s not that “bright” of a person….she doesn’t really get etiquette, so I let it slide and went with my “and guest.”
Since your hubby’s name is not on the invite, I would call a family member of hers and ask what’s up. With that being said, I would NOT go if he wasn’t invited.
Post # 8
We only had about 15 families to invite and needed to keep the reception under 50 people. We sent out family invites. Of course, my wedding is more in the upscale barkyeard bbq realm and a 2nd marriage so maybe that changes things. Regardless, this is what we did and it was never our intention to offend anyone. To the contrary, we wanted everyone to be included that wanted to come.
Post # 9
I probably wouldn’t go.
We are sending a bunch of invitations that are just “So and so and family” and I honestly don’t even know who the families are, it’s all FI’s distant relatives. In our case it’s just assumed that couples are invited because this is how his family always sends invitations (they all live overseas and it’s a bit more cost effective to just send one).
Post # 10
I was in this situation a couple years ago, except it was from a first cousin. I hadn’t lived at home for a few years, and everyone had met my SO, yet she still included me on my parent’s invitation without my SO. I figured I wasn’t going to go, but my mom insisted I go… and even called up my cousin to complain that I don’t even live there anymore and didn’t include SO! Very ballsy of her, but apparently my cousin rearranged some people and we went (without my parents but wtih my brother, btw, sort of strange). Looking back on that, it still irritates me some. If my mom hadn’t done that I know I wouldn’t have gone at all. I wouldn’t blame you for opting out of this one.
Post # 11
@Miss Sorbet: I dont know if I would RSVP “no” but you do have a right to be offended. I would be. It is probably a bit of an over exageration but i feel like they care little about your wedding/marriage that they couldnt even address you as a couple, so why should you go to there wedding and acknowledge theres…..but im also in a scrappy mood today 🙂
Post # 12
Oh I’m sure that the invite wasn’t meant to be insulting! 🙂 Definitely not. We’re just not particularly close. I didn’t know if it would be rude to ask if my husband was invited…and I’m thinking the bride and groom probably won’t even realize if I’m there or not lol. 😛
Post # 13
@Miss Sorbet: Is it possible that your distant cousin does not know you are married?
Post # 14
@Miss Sorbet: Yeah, a cousin of mine also did that to me and my fiance. I couldn’t tell you if his name was on the invitation because it went to my parent’s house that I hadn’t lived at for seven years, and I had been living at the same address for three years at that time.
I ended up going because she personally asked me to, otherwise I wouldn’t have and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. It turned out to be a real pain in the ass too because we couldn’t find the right church because there were two with almost the same name we didn’t have the invitation.
Post # 15
I agree, some people just don’t know the etiquette or follow it very closely. That’s not a huge deal to send the invite to your parents’ house I don’t think. It would be kind of awkward to ask if your husband is invited though…
Post # 16
I wouldn’t go. if you are so lazy to not even find out my address (they obviously knew you didn’t live there, since its been so long) or include my husband, then you clearly do not care if I come or not. So I won’t burden you with my attendance.
I would possibly send them a card of well wishes, complete with mine and hubs’ names and correct address prominently displayed as the return address.