Post # 1
I am due to get married in 5 weeks time and am currently going through a terrible time and hoping for a bit of guidance on here.
I have been with my fiance for 13 years (we met when I was 15, I am now 28) We have had our wedding booked for 2 years and its fast approaching.
For the last 3 months I have started to feel really uneasy about everything, we have been arguing a lot and not been intimate for over 2 months, I am suffering from anxiety and when ever anyone mentions the wedding rather than feeling excited it fills me with dread.
I love my fiance but I really worry we are no longer in love with each other and it would be wrong to get married feeling this way, i feel we are more like brother and sister and we have grown apart but is this a natural thing that happens due to being together for so long?
I have spoken to my fiance this he just thinks I have a case of wedding jitters but I know deep down its more than that. A part of me thinks I will be making a huge mistake not marrying him as he will always love me and provide me with security but another part is telling me its the wrong thing to do.
On top of this 6 weeks ago I have become close to a male friend who has been texting me a lot, we seem to have a lot more in common that I do with my fiance, and have a fantastic conection and there is an attraction there (nothing has physical has happended) I have had no other experience of relationships as we got together so young so am literally questioning everything.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Post # 3
Sounds like you’re hitting the point of wanting to see what else is out there. Most people date in their teens and 20’s (yes I know not everyone does but most do).
Post # 4
Are you feeling this way because you feel and regret that you haven’t expirienced and done all the things most 28 year olds have done…….eg, dating, travel etc….
Or is it that you truly don’t feel your Fiance is the one for you???
I met my Fiance quite young and I know that with me I have a small part of me that regrets not travelling more, kissing a few more boys and generally enjoying my singledom.
but in my heart I know he is the one and I have to just deal and be thankful for what I have and not regret what I could have done.
You have to work out why your feeling the way you do. If you don’t feel like your Fiance is the one then you need to say goodbye. If its because you have regrets about expiriencing life….then you need to decide if you can live with the sense of regret.
Cut off all ties with the other guy….he is just a distraction and it won’t help you sort out your mind. All you are doing is trying to escape from making a choice. You may just be projecting feelings on him that are not really there.
Post # 5
I’d say to put the male friend aside for now. Focusing on him and what you may/or may not feel for him 5 weeks before you wedding is ridiculous. Put the focus back on your relationship and leave the male friend “backup option” out of the equation. If you are feeling this way deep down, and not just beacuse you are talking to someone else, then this is something you need to sit down and communicate to your Fiance. How long have you felt this way? If you just know that you would be unhappy in marriage, and that you have more of a sibling relationship-obviously you shouldn’t go through with it. BUT do what you can to make sure that there is no saving the relationship before you step away. Try setting up a romantic evening for the two of you, and see if you can rekindle the sexy part of your relationship. After 13 years together, you could just be in a rut, but if you love him and he loves you and you have so much history together, do what you can to save it. See how a romantic evening -where you focus on nothing but each other- makes you feel, and put the effort into making sure it gains momentum and lasts. If it does nothing for you even after you’ve really tried and put in the work, then you have your answer, I think.
Post # 6
IMPO if you have doubts, you shouldn’t go through with it….you obviously have doubts for a reason. and now that you’re becoming close with someone else, than definitely don’t do it. you shouldn’t have feelings for someone else if you are truely in love with your Fiance and are completely satisfied with your relationship with him
Post # 7
@hm1984: i think if you are really questioning this, you already know the answer. what you need is someone to support your decision.
Post # 8
I agree with littlemiss511 – if you have doubts, it’s not worth it for you in the long run to go through with it. Actually, when you said about the other guy made sense and I had this happen to me once. Sometimes it takes having feelings for another person, or at least a substantial attraction to someone else (more than a harmless crush), when you realise you’re no longer in love with your current SO. Just from what you’ve said, IMO it sounds like you are questioning whether you are in love with your Fiance, and you should be sure about this if you’re planning to marry him.
Could you postpone the wedding? Perhaps speak to someone about your feelings and work out what you really want?
Post # 9
ITA agree about cutting all ties with this male friend. That is just a way to muddy up the waters and avoid the real issues.
If ever there was a situation that cried out for counseling, this is it. You have a huge investment in this relationship. IMO, you would benefit from some extra support and professional guidance right now.
Post # 10
I think you are really tainting your relationship with your Fiance because on this male friend that you are finding more exciting. I think you need to put him aside and try to find your feelings for your Fiance. If you can’t, then call it off.
Post # 11
Many years ago I began dating a guy when I was 16 and began “outgrowing him” by the time I was 18 when I went to college, then cheated on him for years..continued the relationship until I was 24 because it was comfortable and I didn’t want him to have anyone else. I couldn’t stand being around him the last few years. He didn’t do anything wrong..we just weren’t right for one another. I should have ended it years before I did. I don’t know your situation, but it sounds similar to mine. At the very least, I would postpone the wedding if not call it off altogther.