(Closed) Thinking of firing a bridesmaid (LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I fire my always absent bridesmaid?
    Yes : (12 votes)
    41 %
    No : (4 votes)
    14 %
    Yes and replace her with one of the girls who has been so involved : (13 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 3
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @WinterWhite2012:  Clearly this chick has some issues going on (drinking too much and mixing that with sleeping pills is a recipe for bad times) that go beyond your wedding.  I don’t think that it’s wrong to feel the way you do…but I would give her one last chance.

    Here’s what I would do: I would have one last conversation with her…on the phone or face to face.  I would explain that you’re worried about her and that if she has any concerns, etc. about being a bridesmaid that now is the time to tell you.  I would actually tell her that you’re concerned that, given past behaviour, she won’t show up for the wedding and her lack of interest and just general flakiness has hurt you. If she doesn’t show up for your meeting or flakes off, I’d ask her to just be a guest…  If she doesn’t show up for your bachelorette, I would probably ask her to step down because of all the other things that she’s bailed on.

    This sounds really stressful, but I would definitely try to see if there is something going on and to give her a chance, once you’ve really told her how upset you are.

    Post # 5
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @WinterWhite2012:  Okay…that definitely changes things for me.  To be honest, I’m not normally a fan of asking Bridesmaid or Best Man to “step down” just because I think that it’s kind of weird, but in this case she really sounds like her issues are effecting more than just her duties as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  She just sounds like a bad friend who isn’t interested in being there at all for you.

    I know that there are a lot of people here who could say that all BMs have to do is show up and wear a dress and I think that’s fair…but she’s not giving you good reasons for not coming to things; she is just being rude and unkind.  I get not being able to go to multiple events, but then give you a reason and some notice…

    How were you planning on telling her about this?

    I sympathize…it sounds like a bad situation and you’re definitely down to the wire.  Has she paid for a dress and everything?

    Post # 7
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @WinterWhite2012: *HUG*

    I think you are being very gracious. I would have fired her but when you had to buy her dress. I would turn it around on her. I would say something like “I noticed you have bveen business so it may be the best decision for you to step down” or something like that.

    Good luck hun!

    Post # 8
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @ArwenBride: Agreed…I’m not a fan of “my bridesmaid won’t help me stuff envelopes for 20 hours straight and didn’t reply to my Facebook message” posts.  BUT, in this case, the Bridesmaid or Best Man is being extremely rude, and for someone who lives in the same town (I think?), it seems odd that she can’t make it to anything (i.e. engagement party, Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping, and bridal shower).

    I would have a sit-down discussion with her about how all of this makes you feel and then discuss what she would like to do moving forward.  If she feels badly and would like to make it up to by being a better, more committed friend, I’d let her.  If she seems uninterested and carefree about what you are feeling, then I’d ask her to step down.

    Post # 11
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @WinterWhite2012: That’s such a sad situation :(. I definitely agree that just because you’re planning a wedding doesn’t mean you should have to deal with toxic friends. I would definitely say explain the situation to the other friend and offer the spot to her. It shouldn’t add any financial difficulty if she has the dress and she’s already going to the parties.

    Post # 13
    117 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Oh man im sorry you have to deal with this, its seems clear that she doesnt want to be apart of this big day…which is werid seeing that she was so excited and asked you if she could be apart of it..honestly if i was in your shoes i would “fire” her as you put it lol of course nothing harsh has to be said just say maybe shes better off just being a guest…good luck!

    Post # 15
    7420 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    This is one of the most clear cut ,no doubt about it posts that I’ve ever read on here. EVER. She needs to go.

    The topic ‘Thinking of firing a bridesmaid (LONG)’ is closed to new replies.

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