- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
First, I commend you for wanting to join the military and serve our country. That is awesome! I am so proud of my FI's service.
You hit right on target when you said that you want your husband to come first, not your job. It's been my experience so far that there's just certain times that their job is always going to come first and your spouse second. Think about a regular job. If your company says you need to transfer or re-locate, you always have that option to go or find another job. Not so much with the military. If your unit deploys...you go with them. If you are reassigned to a new post, you go. When deciding, make sure you ask yourself how you would deal with a deployment. Will you be okay being separated from your FI for over a year? What about kids? It's so hard to have a loved one deployed. If you and your FI have kids someday, are you prepared to leave them while you deploy? I guess what I am trying to get at is, ask yourself the hard questions. The military offers excellent benefits along with a sense of pride in making a difference and serving your country...but just make sure you can handle the difficult life changes!
I encourage you to keep talking about it together. It's a decision you have to make as a team. If he's in school, it may not be the best time for you to go in, depending on where you're living now and where the different schools/bases are that you would have to go to. Would you consider joing the reserves or the national guard? That may give you a little more flexibility.
Not a military bride, but I have family members in the military and my husband's whole family is military (he's literally the only one who hasn't been in the service). I think that joining the military is really admirable, but it also takes a certain kind of person. Military life is not for everyone. Besides re-adjusting to civilian life after your service has ended, you also have to think about deployments, getting stationed away from friends/family or even outside the US, and what it will be like when/if you decide to start a family while still in the military.
Some of these issues vary by branch or depending on what your job is. Some of it will also depend on if you are going in as an officer or just enlisting. The best information I have for you is that you need to research which branch you'd like to go into, what types of jobs are available to you, and how long you'd like to initially sign up for. Recruiters are known for lying and making empty promises to get you in; you should talk to people who actually are/have been in the military to find out their experiences first hand.
The only concern I have from your post is that you mentioned you are unemployed. It's one thing to think, "I finally have the opportunity to follow my dreams!" but it's quite another to decide to go into the military because you are struggling with unemployment. I think, during times of instability, the military looks more appealing than it normally would, and I think you should be careful if that's part of your motivation to join now.
No experience, but I just want to say joining the military is very noble and honorable. Good luck with your decision.
When you join the military, unfortunately you acknowledge that your job comes first. It's just the way it is. The military places a high priority on family life, but if the military says Jump, you say how high.
You're worried about your FI, but have you thought about yourself and handling a deployment and/or children in the military? Are you okay being away from them for a whole year? Is he going to be capable of running the household by himself when you have to work overnight guard shifts and whatnot? What if he works? Are you going to enlist or are you going to be an officer? If you have a college education, I highly recommend you go through OBC instead of enlisting. Your FI has to acknowledge that, even if he's in college, he may HAVE TO up and leave and go with you. His priorities are not important--all they care about is you. Why else do you think I'm in St Louis and my husband is in Georgia? Because I simply CAN'T up and leave without damaging our future and rendering us both jobless.
Don't do it just because you're unemployed--you have to be an incredibly flexible person to be in the military. There's a lot of "what ifs" to consider. And it's not easy being the spouse; sometimes you can become resentful and you have to be incredibly self-sufficient in so many ways.
But no, your marriage doesn't really come first. You have to adjust your relationship to military life.
Do your research on the branches of the service and talk with real-life recruiters with your real-life questions. I was a military brat (dad was in USAF) so saw some of the challeneges, but honestly, as a kid, that WAS my life and being away from it was more of the transition for me.
Perhaps send a msg over to Mrs. Sushi, too!
Thanks so much for the input everyone!
I've decided not to do it. I'm going to look into joining the reserves instead. It would be too much to ask FI to move from school to school, and we'd want to have kids eventually and we want them to stay in one place and be near family.
Oh well. Next life! :-)
The reserves is a good option for that, but you're still deployable and you'll be gone one weekend a month and 2 weeks a year.
@ejs: Oh yes, I know. But I'd still feel like I was serving my country. I'm still looking into it.
I would suggest looking into your state national guard.
The advantage over national guard vs the reserves is that national guard pays for tuition and you get a gi bill. With the reserves you only get the GI Bill.
Also I highly recommend the air national guard or air force reserves over the army side. Army guard units are deploying just as much as active duty these days while the Air force side is doing shorter deployments. Also the Army guard is doing more involuntary mobilizations while all of my deployments with the air guard have been voluntary. Because our deployments are shorter we almost always get enough volunteers that they dont have to force people to go.
I've been active duty and guard air force for 17 years so I'd be happy to answer any questions.
Derbybride took the words right out of my mouth. Check out the Guard (Army and Air Guard). I'm also active duty in the Air National Guard (although you can definitely opt to just be a traditional guardsman too, ie. 1 weekend a month rather that full-time).
She's absolutely right in saying that our deployments are usually much shorter than any of the other branches. That's not to say that we can't be deployed for 1 year +, but usually our deployments are 3-8 months. I've been one of the lucky ones and have not deployed yet, and I've been in the military for over 8 years.
If you're looking into going back to school, every state is different, make sure you check to see what your state's national guard offers. For example, in PA, we get 100% tuition paid at any state school. We also now have the option of giving our education money to our children or spouses if we aren't planning on using it.
I might be a lil' biased...but the Air Guard is the way to go! :o)
I went though almost the same thing. I didn't want to do college, I hate my job, and not matter what I can not see myself getting to where I want to bein 20 years with out the Military. It was what I had to do to be proud of me. I am an Army Brat so being in the civy world has always kind of scared me and I always felt like I didn't belong. Make up my mind to do this was one of the harder things I had to do and will have to do. FI was okay with it, he is scared but he understands that this is what will be best for us in the long run. I have some guilt over this when I think about kids because I know how I felt about my dad always being gone when I was growing up, my mom basically had to raise me as a single parent, and for a long time I was upset at my dad over this. But I know by doing this I can offer them a secure life that I wont be able to anywhere else.
im a military brat (my whole life!) and now soon to be military wife. i agree with what everyone is saying in that it takes a certain type to be able to not just BE in the military but it also takes a certain person to be married to the military.
deployments can definitely take a toll on relationships - my fi is actually deployed right now which makes the wedding planning process kind of slow at the moment for us since we want to do this together. we're both from military families so we knew what we were/are getting ourselves into. ive seen non-military spouses adjust fine to being married to a military member but ive also seen non-military spouses fall apart when dealing with their military wife/husband's job.
as for the debate between active vs reserve/guard this has been my experience. my active duty fi has been deployed twice (about 7 months each time) in the last 3 years - not counting how many times he's had to go underway for days to just a couple of weeks at a time. my younger bro is national guard in cali and he's been activated and goes out to afghanistan this june for a year. my lil sis joined the reserves thinking its less time away. shes stationed in miami but was activated and sent to oklahoma forwhat was supposed to be four months and is now a year and a half.
they all do a lot of training sometimes for just a day or two at a time to a couple weeks at a time - they adjust their schedules to make time for school but their duty has to come first. you just always have to be ready because you never know when you'll get the call to go out active or reservist.
i think you should both consider the realities of joining whether its active or reserves, especially right now ... i obviously LOOOVE the military for the opportunities it has given my family and for the amazingly courageous job they do. whatever decision you make, just make sure its the right one for you.
good luck!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ndreighton | 11 |
| rivierabridal | 6 |
| kate02121 | 5 |
| bonkeyball3 | 4 |
 turtles73 |
4 |
| jaguar | 3 |
| BMORE SEXI | 3 |
| ohmystars28 | 3 |
| texasbee | 3 |
| MrsOliveBird | 2 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
Joining the military is something I've always been interested in, but I never did it. Now that I'm unemployed I've been thinking very seriously about it, but I'm worried about FI. He's supportive of the idea (he was in the Army for five years and really loved it), but I worry about what will happen to him if I join the military.
He's just started college on the GI Bill, and I'm there to support him and proof read his papers and that sort of thing. His transition back to civilian life has been major. He keeps telling me not to focus on him and to make the decision that is right for me but how can I not? Joining the military is a huge decision and a huge lifestyle change, and he's the most important thing in my life. I want to serve my country and make a difference, but I also want to be in a marriage where my husband comes first, not my job.
Any advice from military brides out there would be greatly appreciated.