Post # 1
If you have been thinking about it and are sick and tired of some stuffy etiquette rules that don’t apply to you and your family, this is a good read. What it comes down to? ONLY YOU KNOW YOUR FAMILY AND GUESTS. Emily Post and all the wedding etiquette experts can argue with you until that they are blue in the face that potluck weddings are the highest offense, BUT if you know your family and friends would come together as a family and community and pour their love into these dishes then there isn’t a problem. So I just wanted to post this to all the brides who have thought about it, but feared it because someone on the internet told you that it would be tacky. ^_^
Post # 3
I think that a potluck wedding *could* be a great idea, but as the OBB post says, you really need to know your guests. If people are flying in from out of town, it is not practical to expect them to bring something.
I was also a little surprised to see so many comments on the OBB post that said, “people will want to help you with your wedding! If they can’t bring something, they can help in another way.” This may be true of a lot of wedding guests, but I think that this is also an example of needing to know your guests before setting expectations. Perhaps I am curmudgeonly, but I personally do not like being put to work at a wedding or at any type of event where I am supposed to be a guest. It would really turn me off to show up to a wedding and then be put to work if I wasn’t a bridesmaid (if I was a bridesmaid, then I would expect it). I also don’t like to cook, so I would not be excited to show off a signature dish at a potluck, although I would certainly make/buy something and attend if I were local. I guess my point is to not *assume* that your guests would be excited about cooking and bringing their favorite dish unless you know this is the case. It is the case for many people but not for everyone.
Post # 4
I guess it depends on who you are as a person too. I wouldn’t mind helping out a friend. I guess I don’t see weddings as big stuffy events and if a friend was having a small affair that had a community theme, I would be happy to help out. I always love reading about Sara’s wedding over at 2000dollarwedding.com and how everyone came together to make it possible.
If you are having a $30k wedding and you ask your friends to bring dishes and work then that’s a different story. But if you are having a small family reunion like wedding, then I don’t see anything wrong with it UNLESS you have guests and family that don’t want any part of it…but you should know this about your guests before even attempting it.
Post # 5
Hey, love this post. There are sooooo many rules!!!! Personally I’m going to do what works for my event and if its not perfect etiquette, oh well.
Post # 6
@Miss Tattoo: I’m with you. If I had friends who were on a budget (and I can’t think of anyone who would have a potluck reception who wouldn’t be on a budget) I would be happy to make something and bring it and help them celebrate being married. I would much rather have my friends do that than go into debt over a wedding.
Post # 7
@arclee: I just wanted to share the article, because I’ve seen the questions about potluck weddings around here and the word “tacky” explodes.
Post # 8
@Miss Tattoo: The word tacky seems to explode over a lot of things 🙂
Post # 9
I wish I could actually do a potluck for my wedding. But with my FI’s allergies, his mom and I are doing all the cooking. I don’t think there is anything tacky about bring your favourite meal to your friend’s wedding to share it with everyone. It would make the experience feel that much more personal, which I find is lacking of late.
Post # 10
I think you’re exactly right… you need to know you and your FI’s friends and families and do what’s acceptable in your social circle.
Obviously, if you have all out of town guests, a pot luck isn’t going to work. But if you and your Fiance both have friends and family that will be down with this type of party then throw your etiquette books in the fireplace 🙂
One positive about posting to such a general audience like here on the Bee is that you do get a broad spectrum and can learn that the norm in your area may be DRASTICALLY different from others. This is great if you and your Fiance are from different areas and your guests are widespread.
For instance, my parents are from Michigan. At their own wedding in the 70’s the did a dollar dance. Now my cousins who grew up in Michigan also have dollar dances at their weddings. I didn’t grow up in Michigan and all the other weddings I’ve been to have NOT had a dollar dance. I think the dollar dance is so weird and tacky but to my parents its something that they expect to see at a wedding. When I told them that my cousins were the only people I’d ever seen do a dollar dance they were very surprised. They thought it was the norm but when I explained that I thought it was tacky to ask guests for money. They were completely happy to omit the tradition from my wedding when they learned that most of my FI’s family and my east coast friends would not be familiar and perhaps uncomfortable with a dollar dance.
Etiquette exists to make people comfortable. If you’re having a diverse group from all areas and walks of life then listen to the etiquette, no one will be put off by what the etiquette books says BUT if you know your guests will enjoy something then it definitely won’t be bad etiquette 🙂
Post # 11
Again, as the original post says, just depends on you and your guests. The most loving wedding I ever went to was as a date. I knew the groom well encough, and met his Fiance the night before. Both really sweet lovely people. We were invited to come early to help decorate for the reception in the church basement. I felt honored to be asked and must have made a good impression the night before, because mostly it was family. It was a baptist wedding with no alcholol. It was different for me, but tacky? Never! Also, might I add I flew from another state to attend. It was a long time ago, and I don’t know those people now, but I will never forget how family oriented and the love everyone put into it! That to me is what the wedding is about.
Post # 12
A somewhat distant relative of mine had a wedding that included a bunch of potluck elements, and everyone I know that went to it was not impressed (I was not in attendance). I agree that you have to consider your guests and think about how they will feel. I think if you can have a wedding with a successful potluck, that’s awesome!