(Closed) Thinking of skipping the father daughter dance….NEED advice

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

1. Totally understand, definitely okay not to have one. I’m not having one for…some reasons.

2. As far as what to say, I have no clue. My parents are divorced so needless to say my mom is a-ok with me skipping those things. He’s also not walking me down the aisle. Just stand your ground after you make your point. Maybe you even have to say, “We didn’t feel like you would want to do this again as you’re not treating my wedding as important/special.” But you know, that’s a very blunt way of putting it. Can’t say I totally recommend it, even though it’s what you’re thinking.

Post # 5
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@EncoreBridetoBe:  Makes a little too much sense to me. It’s exactly how some members of my family are, and we are also what I’d consider “very close.” I wish I were more helpful as far as what to say in a non-crazy way. :/ I have used a few excuses for mine I’ll share. For walking down the aisle, I just made it clear that FI and I were walking together because “we want it to represent our relationship.” I didn’t have to necessarily say, “Because I haven’t been close with you.” I just said the OTHER reason. For the dances, I said simply that I find them awkward (I do, and I also find the bouquet/garter awkward so we’re skipping that too) and FI’s Mom may not even be there. Excuses? Yes. But they’re all true. Do you have any secondary reasons you could spin?

Post # 6
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wait, are we the same people?

I even had my parents, both of them, say to me that if my dad has a ‘good job’ (he is a self contractor and can work any time he pleases, he CHOOSES when he wants a job) he won’t be able to make it to the wedding. SERIOUSLY?

My first wedding at 20 was a huge mistake and was over by the time I was 23. Now at almost 28, I’m getting married to a wonderful man & we have a 3 year old together and you would think my parents would want to come for no other reason than to see the grandson they live 900 miles away from and see once a year MAYBE. GAH.

My parents are also contributing nothing, and this is my fiance’s first marriage and his family has contributed half the budget. Seriously. My parents simply act like it isn’t important. My grandparents and my brother (and his family) are all excited, but I can’t understand why this isn’t something fun for them. They act like it’s a huge imposition for them because they have to drive from Louisiana to Wisconsin–but expect me to do it on a yearly basis, and often ask when I’m coming ‘home’ again. I have lived in Wisconsin for right at 2 years and my mom came up 2 months after I moved. The rest of them have NEVER been here.

We bought our house a YEAR ago and it has an extra room for guests and still, no one. So I totally get it.

And I’m skipping the father/daughter dance too.

Sorry for my own little rant 🙁 I do hope you can work things out with your mom and dad.

Post # 7
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think you need to explain anything.  Just tell them you aren’t doing it.  If they ask why, tell them you don’t want to.  Don’t budge.  If your mom keeps asking why, just keep saying it’s not something you want to do, that’s the end of the story, and you aren’t going to change your mind so she might as well save her breath.  I know you’ll probably get flustered, but stand your ground.  

I’m not doing a f/d dance either.  FMIL is all-you have to!  Um, no.  Besides, my guests aren’t going to want to stand around watching us dance with our parents.  They want to get the party started!  😉

Post # 8
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It’s so hard for me to fathom why families act like this when it comes to weddings. They should be thrilled and want to help in any way they can, even if it’s just emotional support!! I decided to elope mainly because of my family. 

Anyway, I completely understand you not wanting to do the father daughter dance and you have the right to not do it-regardless of the fuss your mom puts up. 

Post # 9
Member
14302 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with PP, just do what you want.  But have you talk to your dad?  Will your FI want to have the mother/son dance?  Would it be odd if he did and you didnt even though your dad is sitting right there?

Post # 12
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Do what you want.  Unless it’s really going to hurt your father’s feelings, just skip it if you don’t want to do it.

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