- 2 years ago
TLDR version at end of post
It’s difficult to know where to start with this, but I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. My sister and I live in different cities, she is getting married next summer. At the end of the summer I drove to the city where she lives (5 hours away) so that we could go wedding dress shopping together with our mom. The day ended with her getting “overwhelmed” with the decision that needed to be made and screaming at my mom in the middle of the bridal shop. When I told her that she needed to stop yelling she screamed “SHUT THE F*** UP VEGGIEBEE” at me very loudly in front of everyone in the store. This was the first time we all tried to do something wedding related together. We have not needed to get together for anything since.
My sister has one other bridesmaid, her best friend. Over Christmas I was visiting my family and asked my sister what she would like to do for her bachelorette, and to start thinking about a few things she would like so that her other bridesmaid and I could start planning. She responded by saying that I shouldn’t worry about planning her bachelorette because her other bridesmaid and some of her other friends were taking care of it. She then told me that she actually didn’t want me to attend her bachelorette at all because I don’t like to party as hard as her and her friends and that having me there and having to worry about me would be stressful for her, and that she shouldn’t have to worry about this at her party. When I told her that I thought this was silly to worry about and very hurtful to me she told me that I was trying to make her day about me, which I feel is entirely not true. This started an argument where she literally screamed at me for over an hour and said some incredibly rude, hurtful, and unneccesary things.
So – at this point I really don’t feel that I am the best person to be standing next to her when she gets married. She expects me to spend the money to pay for a bridesmaid outfit of her choice but doesn’t want to include me in the wedding related festivities? This does not seem right to me and I have never experienced or been privy to anything like this with any other weddings where I have been in the bridal party, or otherwise.
I have drafted the following email to send to her and would love any feedback that you bees have on the situation, whether or not I should step down, or the email I have written. I have not sent it yet as I am trying to “cool down” a bit before I do.
Hi Veggiebee’s Sister, Please know that this email is not meant to cause stress or arguing, rather the opposite, so I’ll get right to the point. I think it would be less stressful and best for everyone if I stepped down as a bridesmaid in your wedding. Given both the current and overall state of our relationship I think this will be a weight off of everyone’s shoulders. If you do not feel comfortable including me in the wedding related celebrations I feel that I am clearly not the right choice to be standing beside you in support of your marriage on your wedding day. Removing me from the wedding party will alleviate much of the stress we have both been feeling about my role in your wedding. This is your day and I do not wish to add to any stress, as weddings are stressful enough as is. I believe the best way for me to show support for your marriage would be to join you as a guest on your wedding day. This will give you the opportunity to choose a friend to fill the bridesmaid role who will be more compatible with you, Other Bridesmaid, and Mom as you move forward with planning. I hope that this change can be viewed as positive, as I want to emphasize that I am truly supportive of your marriage and am looking forward to joining you as a guest on your big day. Love, Veggiebee
TLDR: Sister screamed at me and told me to “Shut the F*** Up” when I drove to the city where she lives to shop for wedding dresses, now doesn’t want me to attend her bachelorette because I don’t like to drink as much as her and her friends. Thinking of stepping down as a bridesmaid and attending wedding as a guest.