- 3 years ago
I’d like some advice as I’m considering stepping down as a bridesmaid. A recent event has made me question whether I want to be part of the bridal party, or whether I should just put up with things and stay the course.
Since I last wrote about the bride asking me to lose weight and dye my hair, I’ve tried to be very supportive of her and her choices. I know it’s “her day”. Recently, we went bridesmaid dress shopping and found our dresses. I mentioned to a girlfriend that it wasn’t my style but that it would be okay as I would put a cardigan or shrug on it at the reception. Somehow, the bride heard about my dissatisfaction with the dress (through the grapevine I suppose) and asked me about it. I told her unequivocally that even though it wasn’t my style, it would be okay as it was her day and I was only wearing it for a few hours. It was her day and what mattered was that she liked the dress. In all honesty, the dress isn’t flattering at all, is a bit ‘cheap looking’ and shows a lot of skin. But I’m sucking it all up because the bride likes it.
Last week, one of her friends confronted me about how difficult I was being about the dress and how I was ruining the bride’s special day. The bride was with us at this time and told the other friend, “see what I’m dealing with?” I was flummoxed as I had written the bride an email stating that I was okay to wear the dress because she liked it and that was all that mattered. The bride’s friend chastised me that as a bridesmaid I should just “shut up and suck it up”. I thought I was doing just that by confirming that I would wear the dress.
Then, the bride’s friend said something terribly upsetting to me that caused me to cry when I went home. I was extremely close to the bride’s mother before her passing, maybe even closer to her than the bride was. I cooked the mother dinners, and spent a lot of time with her in her time of illness. I helped the mother to clean her house, and look for things, even finding the bride’s jewellery that the mother had purchased years ago to give to her before she died. I even took the mother to the hospital when she needed. I was there all the time.
The bride’s friend said that the bride’s mother would be terribly disappointed in me as a person since I was ruining her daughter’s special day and that I clearly didn’t love the bride. I said nothing in response to the bride’s friend as I was close to tears. The bride joined in on it and said, “Well, I don’t hear her response”.
When I got home, I cried the entire night as the comments from the bride’s friend and bride were deeply hurtful. I have tried to be a good person, and a good bridesmaid. Whatever the bride wanted, I’ve done. I’ve helped her search for dresses, made her garter, made her money box, found her jewellery, planning her bridal shower. I’m even cutting down on everything so I can save up to pay for the bridal shower, which the bride wants at a really nice venue. The vindictive comment about disappointing a dead mom was beyond the pale and I didn’t think were warranted simply because I expressed my opinion about a dress, but still promised to wear it because the bride liked it.
Am I being a bad bridesmaid? I just feel that I can’t please the bride and that she deserves someone who won’t ruin her special day or disappoint her dead mom. Should I step down?