Hi @Louc70: first and foremost I see you are NEW to WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
Etiquette Snob here… lol
Comes from my upbringing & career
21st Century thinking will tell you that you can do whatever you please.
Contemporary Etiquette will tell you that YES things have changed drastically in the last 30 years (thank Goodness)
BUT that tends to apply primarily to second-time Brides… no shame in making a mistake any longer (or the fact that someone has ended a Widow)
Two kicks at the can tho is pretty much the allowance for a full-on Wedding Dress, no matter how old one is
(Granny at 80 can definitely wear a WDress if she found love again after Grampa passed away)
Beyond two and decorum would say one should take a more conservative route and skip both a Wedding Dress and any thing that is BRIGHT WHITE (death aside… death seems to trump everything)
So for time number 3 you still have tons of options… long, short, suit, formal, informal, casual … and a rainbow of colours.
Same is true for the type of Wedding. Number 3 isn’t typically a BIG White Pouffy Family Affair… but that isn’t to say it can’t be a Celebration all the same. You could take a group to a Destination Wedding, a Cruise Wedding, or just the 2 of you Elope and then come home to a kick-ass Back Home Celebration Party (not so many rules on those).
Ya there are “some rules to navigate” but it isn’t the minefield of Etiquette that it once was.
I myself, at 50+ and Wedding # 2 found the Contemporary Rules a real sigh of relief. And we worked within them to have an AMAZING WEDDING… no regrets. Cannot say I missed anything vs the first time round.
The trick is to embrace the NEW YOU and find the stuff that works (ie tons of head & hair stuff you can go with… bands, jewels, pins & clips, fascinators, hats, etc beyond just a veil)
Hope this helps,