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Just remember that everyone is different! Just because others fail or succeed doesn't mean you will - you can't compare your relationship to others'.
I think your mom was probably well-intentioned. The article didn't upset me--it just seemed a good way to remind people that they shouldn't focus on the material things in life.
I personally don't really think that it's that bad. I think that all you're looking at is the divorce and the kid. What she's really talking about is what she thought marriage was made up of (the registery items, the glasses, etc) and not what it really is (her friend Dylan's relationship). I think that it's more of a knock at the materialistic nature of getting married and less of knocking marriage itself. I'm sure your mom was just sending you that because she wanted you to know what marriage was really about? I'm sure she had good intentions, though I understand why that would hurt your feelings and upset you.
Congratulations and good luck!
Okay I probably should have listened and not read that article but I didn't. I'm a little upset not too!
You mom was probably trying to share that you shouldn't let your possesions take control over you but as an engaged woman I am very sensitive at the thought of divorce right now. Sometimes moms mean well but it just doesn't work out that way.
I agree, I don't think your mom was trying to be hurtful by giving you this article. The article didn't upset me either. For me, I don't look at my soon to be marriage like others because no one has the same relationship outcome like everyone else. All you can do is try, work at it, do what you can and go for it. That's what marriage is---going for it! If you think ahead that one day you may divorce I think it's a bit unhealthy and people need to not think that way. Reality is though, that some people do change enough and grow apart in what seemed to be a solid relationship. If that does happen, I guess just do what you need to do to come out on the other side even better!
Please don't let this upset you too much. :)
I actually read that article a few days ago and really enjoyed it. It emphasized a reliance on the things that matter over material things - knowing yourself and focusing on your relationship instead of continually doing what society expects. I thought it was good advice for those of us preparing for marriage. Perhaps your mom was encouraging you to be true to yourself, and surely that's not offensive.
Thanks ladies... I honestly have no idea why my mom brought it up. It's not like she thought I went nuts with my registry or anything, and she's supportive of the wedding. I was just caught so off guard. What, I got some nice plates at my shower, so now I'm doomed?
i may have read it differently, but i didn't take it as material things at all, but instead that her marriage was an effort towards comformity, and that that is where things went wrong - that she wasnt married for the right reasons and the other reasons were not enough to sustain a healthy marriage
and i kind of enjoyed it - i agree that it was a reminder to stay true to yourself and the things that you believe in - and to do the things that make your particular relationship work, not the generic
So... I didn't follow your warnings and I read the article- with the wedding only 15 days away! And I actually really enjoyed it! I felt like it was a good, personal story about what 'marriage' means. It's not something that anchors you down and protects you- the anchors and protection have to exist before-hand. I also feel like it stresses the need to really know the person you're marrying and have the tought decisions before you get married, because that ring won't save you or give you any sense of belonging on its own. It's just a symbol of something that already exists.
I read the article and it really didn't bother me, but that's probably because I'm reading it 4 months (to the day) after I got married. Now, if I had read it a month before when I was all anxious, stressed from the wedding, and just a goofy bride about to get married, yeah, I would have been upset to read this. You'll be ok...just breathe and enjoy your last month of being a single woman! :)
Agree Lovebird...that's what I took away from it too! It was a nice essay, and was relevant for me because FI and I are going to have to do a lot of compromising and veering off the beaten path to do the things we truly want to do with our lives, which include academic/career ambitions that require a ton of committment, while raising a family and doing a lot of traveling. It's tempting to get into that security nest and follow the standard American dream as we plan this wedding and have people from every corner telling us what our next step SHOULD be, but we have to remember that often those things aren't what will make us happy and feel fulfilled in the long run.
I agree with futuremrsreed, the article was very sad, but a lot of it reminded me of the real reason for my upcoming wedding and marriage. We get wrapped up in the planning and the anticipation and sometimes get distracted. I think a lot of women can probably relate to the author, it is a reminder for us to remember what it is all really about. I think your mom probably wanted you to read it as a reminder :-)
I actually really liked this article. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the materialism of marriage and "the stuff" but at the end of the day none of that stuff matters. I found it kind of inspirational and put things in a better perspective for me.
OMG my mom would totally do something like that! She probably meant well, in her own way
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My mom mentioned this article to me over the weekend. I read it today and just started bawling. Why on EARTH would she recommend this to me?
It's written by a woman who got married at 29, was happy for a while, and then when she her husband had a baby, they just split up.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/25/fashion/25Love.html?ref=fashion
The story in here is my nightmare. I read it and had a minor panic attack. Who tells someone who is ONE MONTH from her wedding to read something like this???
(I guess I should probably say that if your wedding is in a month, don't click the link!)