Post # 1
I am at a loss for words. My fiance is going to Vegas for his bachelor party weekend. I know they are going to strip clubs and I do not have a problem with that at all. So, I know it seems odd that I do have a problem with this. I have a huge problem that my fiance thinks it is acceptable to flirt with and dance with women at the pool parties and clubs in Vegas. He also thinks it is okay to have women sit on his lap and touch him. I have a huge problem with that. I told him that it makes me feel that he wants to be single. I told him that I have zero desire to flirt with and touch other men. I only want to flirt with, touch and dance with him. I told him we need to draw boundaries and he told me that I was absurd.
. He told me that I should trust him and that I am just being jealous. Am I being a crazy, jealous bride? Or does anyone else see where I am coming from?
Post # 3
It doesn’t really matter what other people think/do. All that matters is that you two can communicate and reach an agreement. If you can’t agree on what constitutes cheating perhaps you should put the wedding on hold and seek some couple’s counseling.
Post # 4
I agree with u. It’s not nice if your fiancée is out dancing with other girls etc. I’m sure he’d hate seeing u lap dancin on some guy!!! U need to be clear on your boundaries as a couple so one of u doesn’t end up heartbroken by the others behaviour
Post # 5
It seems like this issue should have been addressed long before now. If him behaving in those ways is a deal-breaker for you, I don’t think you two should be getting married without first resolving the issue.
Post # 6
My basic approach to this issue, is that neither person should do something which is hurtful to their spouse. Because that’s not what a loving partner does. And when it comes to bachelor parties, it usually comes down to the man would rather hurt his fiancee than lose face with his buddies. Which to me is a sign of immaturity or being unloving, or both. So I agree with you, but I’m not sure what to recommend.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017
I just don’t understand the purpose of these silly over-the-top parties. I’m having a nice batchelorette dinner. Nothing crazy, just girls gossiping. Maybe I’ve grown up from my raving college days but I just don’t think getting so f*cked and upsetting your partner is aceptable!
Wow.. didn’t realise I had such strong views on this.
Post # 10
I don’t find your requests absurd at all. I think that would be the expectation of anyone in a relationship.
My fiance and I have had a “look, don’t touch” rule for as long as we have been together. The only exception to that rule is a hug from an old friend or a friendly gesture.
I think you two need to have a serious talk and come up with a definite compromise you’re both comfortable with.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo
if going to strip clubs is more important than not hurting your feelings, maybe he needs to re-think his priorities.
Really, if you’re looking forward to spending the rest of your life with the person you love, why would he give so much importance to fooling around with women on his bachelor party CONSIDERING IT HURTS YOU SO MUCH? It sounds like he feels getting married will be restricting him so he’s gonna get as much as he can WHILE he still can. not cool. if he’s marrying you and he’s happy about it, he shouldn’t feel that way.
Post # 12
The fact that he is saying ‘trust me (not to cross the line)’ just means that he thinks you see these things as something leading up to cheating, but not actually cheating. Is that how you feel, or do you think the dancing, sitting on his lap ect is cheating? If you do, you need to let him know that, so that he knows this isn’t just something that you’ll get over. If you think this is cheating it is a big deal, and he needs to know your stance on it.
I find it highly inappropriate. I thought it would be pretty common sense that no girls should be sitting on his lap, he shouldn’t be flirting with them ect. This is definitely not something I would be ok with. How would he feel if you were dancing with guys, touching them, sitting on their laps? Pretty much act like you’re going to go home with them? I can’t imagine anyone I know genuinely being ok with that.
Post # 13
@CoachSerendipityBride: I’m going to sound a little bit out of the box here so bear with me. My Fiance and I both flirt with other people when we’re out, it’s kind of a game we play together… But in our relationship that’s totally cool, because we both do it, we both know that getting free drinks is awesome, and if anything gets too forward we keep an eye on each other and play the angry spouse so whoever it is pisses off. If the flirting ever gets too much we have code words, we keep an eye on each other so if either of us gets uncomfortable we can appear and steal each other away.
If I found out he was flirting when I wasn’t around I would be pissed, because that’s not part of the game. Our ground rules make it ok, but flirting in the way you describe your Fiance to doesn’t sit right with me. He’s doing something that he knows makes you upset, and that’s not being respectful to you.
Also, the touching is different. It’s not ok and honestly I don’t know why he would think that was acceptable…
If he’s not respecting your wishes you shouldn’t really be expected to trust him.
Post # 14
@ms-valentine: +1. This, pretty much exactly. I think what the OP is describing without a spouse is a recipe for disaster. And I’m saying this as someone who has accidentally screwed up and crossed the line before. Just don’t do it. If you want to flirt and you’re secure enough in your marriage, you wouldn’t need to do it behind your partner’s back.
Post # 15
You’re not possessive or crazy or anything, he’s being insensitive. Everyone’s boundaris of comfort are different and it it has to be something you can compromise and agree about. (I don’t care if my FH flirts or dances, but touching/lap sitting would bug me.) If you’re not pursuing anyone else (as your FH presumably shouldn’t be) you should be willing to curtail your activities to what your SO is comfortable with. I mean, I normally flirt/dance myself, but FH says he doesn’t like it, so I don’t.
It bothers me that your FH is unwilling to simply agree on a line not to cross with you. It’s like he thinks those things are just APPROACHING the line, as opposed to over it. :-/
Post # 16
If he doesn’t respect the fact that that makes you feel violated and he is not willing to compromise (lose a little pleasure himself to prevent you a lot of pain), I think it is a very good idea to at least postpone the wedding and really figure out if you two are right for each other. I’m not impressed with him, based on this.