- 2 years ago
Hi Bees !!!
I haven’t been on here for almost 3 months, since my husband and I split. He had an emotional affair, see post here http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/recently-separated-from-my-husband-emotional-infidelity/page/3#axzz39cLrhU00
Well we are still separated, but, as I am guessing it is normal, I go through periods of time where I wonder if I have tried all that I could to make it work. I know that since we’ve split, I have refused all (very poor) attempts on his end to reconcile, because as I said, they were very poor. Meaning he guilt trips me for splitting our family, accuses me of leaving him because I want to see other men (instead of recognizing it is because he has abused of my patience and trust), he has had 2 phases where he would tell me he knows his worth (when I am the one supposed to be saying this…I think) and he won’t let me treat him like a dog (because I was very very angry and have insulted him countless times in the beginning, again, I think my anger was justified) and that he no longer wants to see me because I never loved him, if I did love him I would have tried to reconcile.<br />He’ll tell me things like “Wait until I feel about you the same way you feel about me, see how it feels” or “I won’t wait around for you forever” “I’m not interested in meeting someone – yet -” things like that. There are other days where he will say how much he regrets everything and will do anything to win me back, wait however long I need, that he wants to start fresh with healthy ground rules. But all the things he says in between overshadow the times he does say the “right” things. I don’t believe he means them for if he did, they would be constant and he would not let his ego take over.
In short, I feel like I might have wanted to try and work things out if his attitude showed remorse, and I mean true remorse all the time. That has happened, but it was not continuous. He would feel guilty for 3 days and then do one of the things I’ve listed above…So I feel it wasn’t sincere and it has only angered me more. In my eyes, if one is unfaithful and TRULY wanting to be forgiven, he or she basically needs to bow down and shut up. Accept everything that the other person will go through/feel and most importantly not reply in arrogant ways…
Thing is, 3 months later, I’m no longer angry with him, I have accepted that he is probably never going to really understand the pain he’s caused (I say this cause of the way he acts still) but he is making me feel very unsure about some things: He has started to read the Bible and keeps telling me we should have never split, that it was a sin, that we never tried to reconcile, that we should have gone councelling or praying. And this is where I start to feel guilty because it’s true that once we split I didn’t want to try to work out anything AT ALL, but that’s because we already had so many issues that I DID try to work out when we were together and he never cared to take them seriously until we split. I had just reached my limit of trying and I completely shut the door when I decided we would split.
I guess the advice I am looking for is if I am really wrong to have never given him a chance AFTER we split (because I’ve given him millions of chances before we split, see thread above to understand). All of this is very confusing and hard for me. I still find myself randomly breaking down and crying, although I think I do love my new life without him. We share custody of our child, and I have found my independance once again, I am literaly a new woman full of the confidence he robbed me of with all these games he played when we were together.