Post # 1
Despite having found a venue we like (and can afford!) in our hometown, we are now having to consider having the wedding closer to my grad school for the following, awful, terrible reason:
We can’t afford for his entire family to come.
My FMIL is freaked out about not inviting people and their feelings getting hurt. So FFIL suggested having it at a town 4-5 hours away so we could invite his family, but those that don’t really know us wouldn’t make the effort to come. They can’t afford to give us the money to cover the 50+ people that are JUST his aunts, uncles, and first cousins <– NOT including any of their children. (side note: they offered to give us a little bit of money, but finances are not exactly their strong suit, so FI and I aren’t counting on that money until it’s physically in our hands) So that’s the solution that was recommended.
I have mixed feelings about it…doing this would cause the people that we do really want there to travel (most still live in our hometown), but it could quite possibly save us from a few awkward questions and confrontations. I still can’t shake the bad feeling of inviting someone yet totally hoping they don’t come. BUT, if the wedding was closer to my school, it would probably be much easier for me to plan.
*sigh* Has anyone else dealt with you or your FI having a huge family and you just flat out can’t afford to include everyone? Anyone have any ideas on what to do?
Post # 3
I can’t afford to invite everyone. I’m already at a 250 guest count and that’s considered small in my family. That’s 250 for an 18yr+ adult wedding. There are going to be some miffed people in my family, but I just can’t do it all. I try not to feel bad, but I do feel a bit guilty sometimes. Right now I’m at the “if I haven’t seen or talked to you in the last 6mos you’re on the B list”…sounds harsh, right? I know, but I can’t help it…things are just so expensive and FI & I are paying for most everything ourselves (my parents are paying for venue). Do what is best for you and FI and try to explain to everyone that you are doing the best you can…good luck!
Post # 4
I have a huge family on my moms side..she has 11 brothers and sisters and they each have a gazillion kids. So to keep our wedding small (80ish ppl) we’re not inviting any children under 12 and I’m only inviting my aunts and uncles that I’ve seen in the past few years. I know this sounds harsh, but they are all over the country and to be honest I don’t even know some of their names that’s how little we see them, so we aren’t inviting them. I’m inviting the kids of the aunts and uncles who are coming, but I think that’s like 2 cousins.
I’m pretty sure that everyone in my family is going to understand that it’s a small wedding, we are paying for it ourselves and there’s no way I’m going to invite some Uncle I haven’t seen ever instead of a close family friend.
Hopefully people will understand the situation you are in and maybe you could even have a rule to not invite cousins if it would cut the list back a bit? Each family is so different so it’s hard to know if people would be hurt, but you and your FI need to be comfortable with the list.