(Closed) This Can't Be Happening To Me … WWYD?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You are NOT overreacting.  At all.  Livid doesn’t begin to describe how mad I would be.

First off, I wouldn’t be sure that your H isn’t abusing the drugs himself.  I mean, it sounds like he has at least 4 friends that he knew would use/buy . . . I just wouldn’t be so sure he’s not using himself.

If this was ANYONE besides your H, I would say turn him in.  Really.  But I just can’t see myself doing that to my husband.  I would want to know what his motivation is for selling the drugs – making his friends happy?  Desperation for money?  Refilling the scrip is the worst part to me – he knew you were upset by what he did, and he did it AGAIN, just a few days later.  

Post # 4
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are definitely not overreacting. I would be livid. I agree with everything you said in your post. The worst part is that even after he knew how you felt about it, he went behind your back to fill the second perscription. What on earth was he thinking? If I were in your shoes, I’d probably be doing the same thing you’re doing. You need to have a serious talk with him. Hopefully this is just one bad lapse of judgement on his part and he will realize how very, very wrong he was to do that. Make sure he knows how damaging to your trust something like this can be. 

Post # 5
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are not over reacting. This is beyond the pale. You are being far more ration at this point than I would be. I agree with PP, are you sure he didn’t enjoy some too?

Post # 6
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My mind is officially boggled. He displayed a MASSIVE lack of respect or care for your feelings and wishes. I feel like there must be more to the story because why would he risk your marriage for a few bucks? Are you sure he hasn’t started using himself?

Post # 7
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The refill is the most alarming, slap-in-the-face part – as well as the fact that he went and sold them to THREE different people.  That is no longer one mistake, that’s deliberate planning and was executed multiple times.  You are NOT overreacting.  This is huge, and I don’t even know what I would do in your shoes (probably exactly what you’re doing, but with way more screaming and silent treatment).  What is up with him??  Has any other behavior of his changed lately?  Is he always this opportunistic or have there been some job stress/money instability recently?  

Post # 8
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@NotHappeningToMe:  

I am a drug prevention counselor for high school students. I’ve lost my father and my Aunt to prescription drug overdoses (specifically narcotics), you are not over reacting about the severity of this issue. Prescription painkillers are one of THE most highly addictive and easily accessible drugs- anything that starts with OXY should be taken very very seriously. I can tell you that I watched my aunt (38 years old) go from living a perfectly normal healthy and successful life, to being found dead just 2 years after taking her first vicodin.

However, I don’t think that the drugs in question are really the root of your problem- as you touched base on it’s the fact that your husband lied to you, went behind your back, disrespected your feelings, and completely betrayed your trust. The subject could be anything its the issue of respect and committed trust that you need to really address with him.

Post # 9
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Wow, that is so…mind-blowingly inconsiderate. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

This is a slippery slope. I agree with PPs that he may be using as well. A lot of the pain medications are highly addictive. You aren’t overreacting.

Post # 10
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’m so sorry — you aren’t overreacting. Giving some of the pills away initially was forgivable, even if he should have known better. But then getting the refill and selling them? That’s a total betrayal of your trust.

Post # 11
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’d be on my way out of a relationship that lacks TRUST and RESPECT. What do you have if you don’t have trust and respect? Not much.

Post # 12
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

WOW.  I mean, I’m feeling rage for you just reading this.  The massive betrayal of trust, plus the fact that your husband just committed a felony… I…wow… I’m so sorry hun, I can’t believe this is happening to you either!!  Something this calculated…this dishonest…to me would be on par with an affair – worse than an oops one-time cheating.  In your shoes, I think I would pack some bags and stay with friends or family for a few weeks to get some distance and some time to process where you want to go from here.    Hugs and thinking of you…

Post # 14
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I feel awful for you — I would be so beyond livid.  I can’t even tell you what I would do. Having had a close person to me with a drug problem, I have to say that this sort of lying is characteristic of someone who is using.  I’m not saying he definitely is or anything, but if this is totally not his character, it may be worth checking out just to be on the safe side. 

Post # 15
Member
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with everyone–not over reacting at all!! So I asked myself what would I do in your situation?

  1. He sleeps in another room/couch
  2. He gets as much of the drugs back from his friends as he can
  3. All the money he got goes to a charity for drug abuse prevention
  4. He writes you a letter explaining why he did what he did and why he betrayed your trust (why was money more important than your trust?)
  5. You get passwords to all his accounts. I wouldn’t start snooping through things just yet, but I would if I ever became suspicious that he was abusing the drugs himself
  6. You guys start couples counseling and start to rebuild the trust

Good Luck!

Post # 16
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

OMG, I would be livid too. I was in a horrible car accident last spring, and like you, I tend to get sick off pain pills so I switched to OTC pain relief as soon as I could. I STILL have over half of the prescription left and I glad I kept them as I am soon going to have to have a tooth pulled very soon and I used one last night to help me get some sleep. I had no worries from FH, even though he is a former addict – he had surgery in 2010 and gave the surgeon a really hard time about pain meds – he didn’t want to even touch them!

Not only did your husband betray your trust, he broke the law too. It IS a big deal. I can only hope that he realizes the seriousness of the situation. I have no advice, only virtual hugs!

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