Post # 1
Sorry if this post is lengthy, but i appreciate anyone who actually takes the time to read it.
My fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year now. I was proposed to on the day that we started dating in March. When he proposed to me he took me to meet his mother, whom i had never actually met in all of the time that we had been dating because she lives in another state.. Miles and miles away. We get there and i felt as if we actually hit it off i guess you could say. As we were leaving to come back to our home city. His mother calls me and says to me. “I put my sons picture on fb saying that he came to visit me, but i took you out of the picture because I didnt want to be disrespectful to the other girls being that I am his mother”. When she spoke on the other girls she was referring to 2 women that he has children by that she has only met maybe 1 more time than she has met me. But I felt and still feel disrespected because he introduced me as the woman that he is about to marry and not just a girlfriend or anything like that.
To this day we still dont have our weddin planned out of a date. The date that we had set was in March of 2014 but it has gotten pushed back into non existence. I feel a distance. She even said to him that she doesnt have to be in the wedding.
But when I say to my fiance how i feel he takes it as if I am bashing his mother. When i feel she sort of bashes me. I felt that was something that she shouldnt have said to me. she has put up pictures of he and i on her social sites before PLENTY, but when we get engaged she feels the need to cut me out of one because it will be disrespectful. Am i wrong for feeling funny about his mother after this??
input needed PLEASE…
Post # 3
@mstaylortobe14: First off welcome to weddingbee!
I think the important thing is to approach him with how you are feeling and see how he would feel if the same thing happened to him. Make sure he understands you aren’t having a go at his mum you just want to know why she is acting this way towards you and wants to know what you can do (as a couple) to make this better with her.
Feeling outside of the family with your in laws is never a nice experience, so just make sure you tell him you want to feel welcomed and you also want to encourage a closer relationship with his mum, not one fueled by negative emotions.
Post # 4
@mstaylortobe14: If she lives in another state and you rarely ever have to see her I wouldn’t get too worked up about it. I’d be more focused on where your relationship is going and the fact that your FI can’t understand your emotions without getting defensive about his mom.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@mstaylortobe14: If the other women are the mothers of her grandkids then she may not want to risk upsetting them by posting your picture on her FB page right around the holidays when she is likely to want to see her grandkids. And really, it’s Facebook. People present distorted depictions of themselves online because they want to be seen in a certain way. She’s probably friends with the moms on Facebook and as such she has access to the grandkids’ daily lives and photos posted by their moms. Myabe one of the moms was fine with you dating but now that you’re engaged, they have a problem with you being around your FI’s family and kids. Who knows?
Why don’t you post the photo in its entirety on your page? I would give it until after the wedding before getting too upset about the situation. Your FI has had at least two other relationships where your FMIL invested her time and energy into those women only to have them break up/divorce for whatever reason. Maybe she’s being cautious with you because getting attached to the other women made the break ups more painful for her. For what it’s worth, your FMIL isn’t being as awful as she could be based on some of the horrible MIL stories posted here on the Bee.
Post # 6
She sounds like either a seriously Crazy Daisy, or a Grandmother terrified she won’t be able to see her Grandkids around the holidays.
I’d talk with your FI and see what he thinks!
Post # 7
I don’t think I could deal with the two baby mamas, the hiding of the engagement from them, and the pushed back wedding date. I would be out of that situation. Something is off.
Post # 8
I didn’t understand what happened with the mother and the picture :/