Post # 1
Saturday: received fb message from my mom’s cousin to give her a call when I was free.
Me-sent mesg that I am busy (wedding is closing in LADY!) please call ME Sunday anytime after 1 pm
Sunday 3pm, que cell phone ringing (rihanna only girl)
Her: Hi [email protected]&^, this is J*^. I know this is rude BUT is it ok if I pay for my son’s girlfriend to come to your wedding?
Me: WTF ARE YOU CRAZY LADY?!??!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.. OK, not really.. LOL…. what I really said was “No, it isn’t about money, it’s more about the space and limited room”
Ok, finished right? Nope, she kept pushing..
Her: Well I’d really like her to meet everyone so if there’s any way just let me know.
and then the best part!!! She said sincerely: Is there anything I can do for you?
Um, Yeah, don’t ask to invite uninvited people to my wedding!!!!!
Am I crazy here, is this normal?
What would you have said??
Post # 3
I probably woulda said yeah honestly … It seems like her son and his gf must be serious if she wants her to meet everyone and if she is really willing to pay for it then oh well! Trust me, I know its super frustrating but it wouldn’t make or break your day.. I understand if you have a super teeny tiny venue and just cannot fit 1 more single person in there, but if you have some room and you can honestly do it, then I would. You dont want to come off looking like a Bridezilla the day of.. This day is about 2 families becoming 1! And it was nice of her to offer you help.. Always take things positively 🙂
Goodluck and happy wedding planning!
Post # 4
I would’ve said what you said. It bugs me to no end when people ask to pay for other people to attend a wedding.
Post # 5
No you are not crazy. That is pretty rude of her to even ask. HOWEVER….if the son is invited to the wedding and he is over 18, he should have received his own invitation. So its actually up for debate. It is your wedding, so you pretty much make your own rules but there is a standard of ettiquette that should be followed.
I would have said exactly what you said if the son was invited and under 18 years old. If the son was over 18 years old, I would have sent him his own invitation and included a guest.
Post # 6
I would have invited her. I’m assuming he didn’t get a +1?
my cousin’s close friend (who I know and like) asked her to ask me if we would please invite her and her husband to the wedding. I did.
I know it’s not the same situation. .
Post # 7
How long have the son and girlfriend been together? Was it an oversight on your part to not include her in the first place or is this a new thing?
Post # 8
I would stick to your guns, and don’t do it. I think you handled it well. If you make exceptions for her, you have to make exceptions for everyone else, too.
That girl can meet everyone else some other time.
Post # 9
You handled it properly … the fact she admitted herself it was rude to ask is infuriating.
Post # 10
That is seriously awkward, sounds like your mom’s cousin has good intentions though.
Could the girlfriend come to just the ceremony or even just the post dinner part of the evening? Seating capacity for dinners is always lower than capacity for receptions. So assuming your venue isn’t itty-bitty you shouldn’t have a problem with capacity once the dinner is over and most of your guests are mingling and dancing.
Unless of course you really just don’t want to invite someone you don’t know, which is valid too.
Post # 11
@hotpinkbride: I don’t even know how long they’ve been together, I’d say less than a year for sure. And it was not an oversight on my part. We really do have a numbers issue. We both come from huge families, FMIL is 1 of 11 and FFIL is 1 of 5 and both my parents are 1 of 5. HUGE FAMILIES. I even addressed the issue on my wedding website. Our venue holds 220 but will be quite uncomfortable if we max out. And honestly the fact that any of them are invited is me giving into my mom. The mother is her cousin, not mine. Although I know her kids they are not close to me.
@Lakelyn: everything is at the same place so the room we have is the room we have. Its not like the reception takes place in a bigger place. It’s all in one so again the numbers are what we are really looking at here.
Post # 12
What really bugs me about the whole thing is that last year my cousin got married and she invited the woman and her husband. The woman is her mothers cousin too(her mother and my mother are sisters). My cousin didn’t even invite the ladies kids but I did b/c I know she said something about how her kids weren’t invited to my cousins wedding!! So I thought I was being extremely nice to even invite them and now she does this….
And your right @kariface: the fact that she started off by saying “I know this is rude” makes it almost worse!!!
Post # 13
You are under no obligation to invite your (second) cousin’s girlfriend.
Since his mother called on his behalf, I get the impression that the two of them are in high school. – That’s really VERY young to be expecting to be invited with a date – IMHO!
Regardless of the age of your cousin’s son, unless he is married (but then you’d call her “his wife”), engaged to, or living with his girlfriend you aren’t breaching etiquette to not invite her.
I think you might be overreacting a little to her offer to help/”do anything” – it was probably sincere, and an “oh, yeah, since we’re on the phone” moment. And I do think it goes to show that she isn’t holding a grudge because you chose not to extend an invitation to her son’s girlfriend. – It’s easy to get worked up, especially when people seem to forget simple manners – like “you don’t get to invite tag-alongs.”
Post # 14
@RachelM: I truly hope I don’t come off as a bridezilla just b/c I didn’t invite a person whom I’ve never met and have no obligation or relationship with. I think people need to be respectful of the newlyweds. It is their day and they can invite or not invite whom they chose.
Another issue I have is the fact that due to us “watching our numbers” my FI has a cousin who has a boyfriend but we didn’t give her a plus one b/c they don’t live together and aren’t engaged (that was the basic rule we went with) so I feel if anyone should get an extra plus one it should be her but her and her mother aren’t complaining or calling to get the bf added.
Post # 15
@UmbrellaMoon: You hit the nail on the head. Again simply b/c of the number issue we were “careful” with our plus 1’s and only gave if they were engaged or living together or we knew them as a coupld (ie. we double date with them etc)
And you’re probably right about me overreacting to the “anything I can do comment”. The whole conversation was just awkward and I was shocked it was happening….
Post # 16
Sorry should have been clearer.
I figured you had the same room for dinner and reception. Capacity isn’t determined by room size. It’s determined by the way you set up the room. For example, for my wedding I have a capacity of 130 seated, but 170 standing. If I wanted, I could clear out a couple tables and invite extra people to the dancing portion of my wedding.
The only cases where an option such as this wouldn’t be possible would be where tables aren’t stationary such as in a restaurant with booths, or a venue that was extremely small to begin with where extra capacity was taken up by staff. Though, in the later case you’d likely be dealing more with fire code requirements than room capacity.
I bring this up because I plan events for a living. I actually worked with a venue recently that insisted they only had a capacity of 250. Fire code stated otherwise. They just didn’t want to accommodate my plans because it required extra work and cost on their part.
I’m not trying to wreak your argument on not having enough space. Use it with your family. They won’t know the difference! I just wanted you and others to be aware that you have options when it comes to accommodating those b-list guests.