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Through $2000 Wedding (which is a cool blog, I recommend reading it if you aren't already), I came across this article written by a woman who chose not to have her dad give her away at her wedding. If you read the article, you'll see that her father was totally cool with the whole thing.
And then I saw the 600+ comments, the majority of which were HORRIBLY judgmental and mean. Some examples:
"That's exactly what is wrong with so many people today. I doubt that you want to have any vows either. Let's just live our lives as we want and when he cheats on you, oh well, there wasn't anything there to begin with. How about dear old dad that worked his ass off all his life to make sure that you didn't go hungry or live in your car, let's not honor him in any way after all, it's all about you."
"It sounds to me like she has no respect for any tradition as it is. The fact the she has two cats and a P-whipped guy makes me wonder if he sould not be wearing the dress."
"Why did you bother at all? For the wedding gifts?"
"If my daughter had done that to me...(That would hurt) I would leave her out of the will and leave the $$$ to ducks unlimited...you know...something not so traditional...what a little witch...."
"what a bitch. her poor dad having to put up with a wackjob like this. 10 yrs of shacking up? why bother getting married? I don't want to go to that wedding!! I would rather have my saturday off to hang out with my wife and kids... pathetic story, pathetic author..."
"that is a really ugly dress. did you not look in a mirror? and as with most feminists, you are incredibly self centered. i find your actions very selfish. but don't worry, i'm sure your dad will get another chance at your next wedding."
"well good for you, i'm betting you'll be 1st in line at your dad's reading of the will, and still be pissed when you get nothing."
"You are a blo hard and a witch. Feminazi employed as a blobag and as useless as they come. I hope one day an oil slick engulfs you and your penisless husband along with your whaleshit father."
Honestly, I am livid about this. This was the comment I posted, in reply to all of the hate:
"It used to be a tradition to own slaves. It used to be a tradition for Roman men to fight to the death in front of an audience for the entertainment of Roman patricians. It used to be tradition for Samurai to disembowel themselves. Just because something is a tradition doesn't mean that it's the only way, and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean that someone who chooses to break that tradition should be subjected to such disrespect and hatred."
What do you think about the article? Do you think the writer was selfish? And even if you do, do you think that she deserved those hateful comments?
I just can't believe those comments. Can. not. believe. them.
She is entitled to do whatever she wants at her wedding, and people are just as entitled to judge, unfortunately.
People are rude. Especially when they can hide out behind the internet. Her dad's ok with it, so I don't see what the big deal is.
i dont understand where the comments are even coming from - it seems like her dad was supportive of the idea, and she even discusses how he said he wouldnt feel comfortable giving her away by himself
frankly, i think that the walking in together is beautiful, and seemed very authentic to who they were as a couple - i don't think that theres anything selfish about it
those comments are extraordinarily harsh and unnecessary - and reallly, really hateful - terrible
Ouch, I stopped reading the comments half way through. I understand that in the blogging world, you do put yourself out there to potentially be judged. But why do people feel a need to be THAT judgemental and nasty? This is someones life, one that we have no involvement in, we don't know enough to be so nasty! Besides that, I don't see anything horribly wrong with a slightly feminist point of view. Nor do I see a problem with having a nontraditional wedding. As long as no one is offended, and it seems they were not.
And what is with the commenter's ideas that her dad still wants to "give her away"? She'd been living with her husband for TEN years! It's not as if she's 18 years old moving out of daddy's house for the first time.
OMG those people are awful! Who says stuff like that! I am so glad the hive is a better place than that! NOT COOL!!!!
It sounds like all the comments are from men (with issues about women). If I had to guess, I'd say someone posted a link to her article on some type of anti-feminist or woman-hating blog, and then directed all of that blog's readers to go post a hateful comment. Cause I really doubt these guys are reading $2000 wedding. You know? Those comments obviously come from a very ignorant and hateful sector of the population.
I consider myself a proud feminist. Sometimes, I wonder if I don't read too much into things, and find anti-woman sentiment where it really isn't there. And then I see stuff like this, and I realize how far we still have to go. Why on earth is it that feminists get a bad rap when they're just trying to live their lives and these people are the ones seen as upholding "family values". What a load of crap. It makes me sick. But mostly it just makes me sad.
I notice none of these people are flipping out because she didn't choose to have her mother walk her down the aisle. Apparently it's not disrespectful to the mother not the have her participate in this way, but it is disrespectful to the father?
Also, all these will comments- do these people really only treat their parents a certain way because they think they might get money some day when they die? I would hope that my kids would love me and treat me the same whether I was rich or poor. But I guess when you insist that the parent-child relationship is all about getting respect based on how much money you spent to raise the child, then it makes sense that they would assume the child would only continue to respect the parent back as long as there was a future financial motivation.
Good lord. I can't imagine why people would be sooooo worked up over someone else's wedding? I mean what interest do they have to become such ugly people? And the people so p*ssed off because they lived together or because they weren't getting married in a church?? These are not ZOMG new things. Looooooooots of people live together before getting married. And LOTS of people (myself included) won't be married in a church. If they're really offended that she's breaking with Christian tradition... perhaps they should be reflections of Christ in their response and be kind?? Being ugly and terrible doesn't make me think "wow, christian living is the way to go."
Wow. I don't consider myself much of a feminist at all, but I had thought about walking down the aisle myself because I'm an adult and marrying my FI was a choice I made, not one my father made for me. The only reason I'm having my folks walk me down the aisle is because my two sisters only had my dad "give them away" (I hate that terminology!) and I wanted my mom to have the opportunity to walk me down the aisle in case it meant something to her to be a part of the wedding in that way.
I, too, think all the comments about money and wills are ridiculous. If these people weren't already being totally awful to this girl, I would question their character based on their greediness alone. Pray God she has the strength to suffer through THEIR snarkiness without second guessing her decision. Seriously. What is WRONG with people? Just because a computer sits between you and the face of the other person does not give you the right to be horrible to them. What ever happened to "Do unto others..." But I guess these folks were too busy reading their parents wills to have time enough to read the Good Book.
holy crap! that is disgusting! i can't believe people think that it's okay to say those things! i mean really, if it's her and her fathers choice, who give's a hoot? i'm not having a flower girl or ring bearer.. so i wonder what people would say to that! ugh
Wow I'm shocked at the comments! I don't want to know what they would say about our wedding!!!
Wow. That's all I can say. I woulda went straight off on those chics.
hahah WOW
Is it just me or have people been CRAZY lately??
Get over it people, things change! Ladies also didn't ALWAYS wear white dresses! Only one of our grandmothers wore a "wedding dress" - the others wore suits and didn't have bouquets. What's the big deal? Geez.
i would agree that those responses are rude, to say the least. however, i wouldn't waste my time worrying or getting upset about what these shallow & sad people have to say or think about whatever tradition/non-tradition, i or anyone else chooses for their wedding. there will always be nay-sayers. as if these grumbling commenters are able to look into a crystal ball and predict this girl getting cut out of the will because she chose to walk down the aisle alone! that is just plain ridiculous. laughable, really.
Another reason why I love the Hive so much and why I don't really check out any other blogs anymore. Women on those other pages can be so judgemental and mean.
The internet is a weird and terrible place sometimes. I've been on the receiving end of really awful comments (not to that volume, and not about wedding ideas) and really after a while, you have to realize that a lot of times, cowards like to hide behind the anonymity. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" doesn't really apply since EVERYONE wants to air out their nonsensical, bigoted, narrow-minded opinions. Probably because no one in real life listens to them anymore. I don't take stuff like this seriously anymore, and hopefully the author of the blog doesn't either. Lots of cuckoo whackjobs out there, and they just seem to multiply on the internet.
Wow that made me nauseated. I bet bryce234 is right, that it must have gotten linked to some weirdo blog.
i (obviously) agree with everyone - this is horrible and rediculous - but unfortunately this is also what's wrong with the internet in general...i love message boards (of course this one! as well as I belong to a few others) - but I believe somtimes - there are people that have nothing better to do than to come online and rip others apart. it's sad and totally un-called for - but it's what people do. :(
I really like the response you posted and hope that helps the poor poster on that site.
Oh yeah,, I agree with bryce too, I was wondering why it all seemed to be married older men and why they would be reading that blog, someone must have linked to it. Otherwise, I'd say somehow 2000 bride has become a haven for creepsters on its own, which doesn't seem to make sense.
The mean commenters didn't find the blog through $2000 wedding - it's just that she is friends with the writer so she blogged about it.
Apparently, what happened was that the article ended up on the front page of AOL (Lemondrop is aprt of the AOL network) and a bunch of people who tend not to read about weddings found it.
I read a couple of small (not wedding related) blogs, and whenever one of the posts get featured on an aggregator's website, this sort of thing happens.
There are a whole lot of crazies out there, and the internet is their paradise.
Hmm... I think everyone deserves to have the right to conduct their wedding in their own way. If the author of this article is happy with walking with her fiance down the aisle, then more power to her. It doesn't sound like she upset her dad or stepped on any toes. By the same token, other people have a right to express their opinions, albeit some are expressing harsher opinions than others. I guess that's what happens when you post stuff on the internet, you invite opinions of people from all walks of life. I wasn't a huge fan of the $2000 Wedding Blog, I found it a little too "out-there" and unconventional. I mean, it was a cute idea, which I respect, but I wasn't a subscribing fan. But that's just my little opinion and I'm entitled to it.
Holy shit. I'm all for freedom of speech, but those commenters are way out of line. I really hope that more people chastise them through the comments because that's not their place to judge. Every situation is different.
It is so unfortunately true that weddings seem to bring out the worst in people, and so does the internet. The lack of accountability just gives people this sense that they can say anything horrifying rude and offensive that they please. It's disgusting... they should be ashamed.
wow- this is crazy. first off - why does anyone care who walks her down the aisle? how does it affect you? second - it's not like her dad was angry about it. and he was still there, so what does it matter? i'm just shocked that people feel so strongly about it and can spew so much hate at someone they don't even know. plus i think it's sweet they walked in together.
i wonder what all of those commenters say about people that elope or go to city hall for a ceremony? or better yet *gasp* gay marriage? people need to grow up. ugh. it's not the 1950's.
Wow! I'm so shocked that everyone was so judgmental and hateful towards her - how sad. It's her wedding, she should be able to do it how she wants to. And it sounds like she handled it very well!
Those comments are sad ... FI and I are walking into the ceremony hand-in-hand because a) we want to, and b) that's the tradition in our culture - one which many would assume is not as equality-friendly as the US ...
I agree, she most certainly doesn't deserve the hatred. Whether it's a blessing or a curse (and sometimes it can be a double edged sword), we have Freedom of Speech in the U.S. and on the internet. Some people honestly have nothing better to do than try and tear people down to make themselves feel better (I never thought it was true when I was little but now I am starting to understand). I just hope she takes their... 'comments' with a grain of salt and does as she pleases. If her dad is ok with it, I don't understand what these people have a beef about? Meh. Whatever - she should do what makes her happy :)
(... and yes, I would certainly be livid to read such drivel which is why I usually don't, reading it only gives them the power to write more of it...)
Bella :)
Oh. My. Gawd. If her dad is fine with it then why shouldn't she do it? Sure it's a tradition, but that doesn't mean her marriage isn't going to last! I can't believe those comments. And for the record, my dad is NOT walking me down the aisle. But my brother is, because he was more of a dad/father than my own ever was. I don't think my dad even knows the wedding date...let alone I'm engaged
First of all, that was a well written article. Second of all, WTF!?! Where do people come off being so rude?
@ Dana - I thought your response was awesome btw.
Wow, I am completely shocked at those comments, and couldn't bring myself to read them all! Occasionally there is some snark on WB, but nothing close to that! It makes me appreciate our little website even more, so thank you for sharing!
And your comment over there was 100% spot on.
No, I don't think the writer was selfish at all, I think she did what was best for her, as everyone should. I think that the comments she received in response to her article were out of line and over-the-top. I'm not sure why these people were SO angry as to attack this girl over a personal choice she made. What the heck to they care? It's not their wedding and it's not their father, so why are they so angry about it?
That said, I consider myself to be a feminist and I'm all for equality of the sexes, but I would never put my feminist beliefs above my Dad's feelings. My Dad and I are really close and he would be absolutely devastated if I decided not to have him walk me down the aisle. Yes, I know the origins of this "tradition," as well as the implications- but I don't give a rat's ass. I don't think it makes me any less a feminist, I think it just means I'm a girl who loves her Dad and knows it means a lot to him. I know I'm not "cattle," and I know he's not "giving me away" as if I'm "property." It's going to be a really emotional time for me and my Dad, and I'm happy to share that "last walk" as a single girl with him. But that's just me. To each his own.
wow. i really liked her article, and her many (good) reasons for walking down the aisle with her husband....I cant believe people wrote such nasty comments to her about that. Yea, i understand certain things can be a touchy subject, especially when it comes to weddings, but if her dad was okay with it, what was the big deal?
My parents are both walking me down the aisle (my mom apparently told my dad the day I was born that we were all going to walk down the aisle together... love it!!) I guess if i mention that on that blog, I might be burned at the stake!!
People's nasty comments to her article further prove to me that EVERYBODY loses their minds when it comes to weddings. EVERYBODY acts like your wedding is THEIR wedding (although they may have already had theirs.)
That makes me sick! Totally keeled over & sick to my stomach. I think the blogger did a wonderful job explaining her choice to walk in with her husband to be. I think it has a beautiful meaning & reflection of their relationship.
I'm walking in on my own & my FI is meeting me 1/2 way... I wonder what those people would say about us! People are so mean sometimes.
You know, with people like this, at some point, we just have to laugh. They are responding to something that is way beyond this girl and her personal choices. They are responding to their own life experiences, which have rendered them bitter and emotional about somebody else's wedding. They are expressing their own irrational insecurity and fear. They can't understand how something that has thus far defined their manhood and womanhood could mean very differently to someone else. If they were truly concerned about her Dad, they wouldn't use such words about his daughters. They are concerned about themselves.
The world around them is changing so fast that it is beyond their capacity to comprehend, let alone respect and embrace.It is natural for them to be scared, and for many, fear is often expressed as anger.
It takes intelligence, humility, and compassion to truly understand and respect other people's choices. I hope that they can one day reach that stage. In the mean time, I hope Virginia realizes that their opinion should not in anyway lessen her choices.
Lastly, while I firmly believe in Free Speech, especially on that public forum, I think it only reflects poorly on them to speak in such an uninformed and cruel manner. Free Speech gives you the freedom to be a jerk. But it doesn't make you any less of a jerk for speaking so about others.
I think the comments are offensive, but from a conservative point of view. It does make me wonder why after 10 years of living together... one decides to have a grand wedding with a white gown. I am a feminist too. I believe that women have a value far higher than just selecting to be lived with, that women deserve to be honored and valued for who they are. I'm not saying that deciding to marry isn't a joyeus occasion to be celebrated, but within the web the conflict between following one tradition because you want the big party and the fancy dress , and refusing to honor someone who loves you can seem greedy when you don't really know the family involved. From my point of view, when a girl's father walks her down the aisle, he communicates these thoughts... "This is my daughter who I have loved and cherished since birth. I love her, I want her to be honored, protected, loved and cherished for the rest of her life. This man who waits at the end of the aisle loves, honors and cherishes my beloved daughter. He has waited for my blessing and the blessing of the Lord, because he loves and honors my beautiful daughter who I am presenting today. Men traditionally escort women they love and cherish, so the tradition of your father escorting you down the aisle is because you are valued highly! (Within the Jewish tradition, the mothers escort their children along with their fathers, but within most Christian traditions, the mothers are considered the most honored wedding guests, they are seated last because they are the guests of honor with the best seats in the house!) I think that the feminist perspective can be interesting. Someone else may think of that same event as being owned/enslaved by their family instead of viewing themselves as a beautiful gift to be cherished and loved.
@Missbliss - I'm a bit confused how you think she was refusing to honor her dad when her dad agreed with her. Just because a tradition is meaningful to you doesn't mean it has the same meaning or is dishonoring someone if they choose not do it.
I'm just glad these people didn't find my wedding planning journal. It was a same-sex wedding, my father didn't walk me down the aisle, and we kept our separate last names. Oh, the horror!
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