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Wow...your FI's family sounds, well, special.
But I'm really confused. IS there more backstory? His family asked you to wait b/c his brother was planning his wedding. Why aren't they asking his brother to wait until after yours? Is there something else that makes him the black sheep (like maybe he's not super demanding, selfish, and controlling?).
Are they paying for the wedding? How is it that they have so much say/control over what you and FI do?
Wow, that situation sucks :-( I wonder why your Future inlaws were so adamant about having you wait for the first brother's wedding to be over, but they don't seem to care about the other brother's wedding coinciding with yours....
Family can be so much "fun" to deal with. If you really want the small Vegas wedding, go for it!
I'm confused. You are letting them walk all over you--why? Why is your FI letting them do this? They're his family, he needs to tell them to back the hell of and mind their own damn business since you guys are footing the bill!
You are letting his crazy family run your and your FI's life. It's not going to stop here--next thing you know it'll be things like your house and your kids and go on and on and on.
Do what you want to do, ultimately. Per your other post, if her small contribution of $1500 would force you to pull out a loan, I want to say that you are likely stretching your finances too thin with this wedding as it was. Do what's best for you and your FI, but don't let her bully you unless it's what you want. I don't get why she's showing favoritism, but it's not fair or right. And while I think it's considerate to wait for family member's weddings, I think a year is a little unrealistic. Maybe a month or two! But to just expect everybody to get married on a "once a year" timeline is a little silly. If they want to get married now, you can't do anything about it. And if that means you guys couldn't attend b/c they picked an inconsiderate time frame, that's their problem, not yours.
Wow! What a bunch of selfish jerks!
I'm glad you thought of the quicky (small) wedding idea. I was thinking elopement before I read that part.
You can throw a big party for true friends and your family later. You may "forget" to invite his family.
Instead of planning a big wedding, use your creative juices to come up with a long list of excuses why you can't go to their houses for holidays, why you can't be at the baby shower, why you can't be at baby's first birthday - you get the idea.
Just live your life waaaay around them.
And when you have kiddies, it would be healthy to keep the children away from these awful people.
One your MIL gets the message that if she isn't nice to YOU, she doesn't get to see the grandkids (always when you are present so she can't bad mouth you), I bet she either writes you off or acts nicer.
Normally I think it is a test of manhood for a FH to shield his FW from his nasty family. But that family just has too many big fat jerks in it for one good man to handle.
Enjoy YOUR happy life and lovely man!
I wonder if you won't regret the Vegas wedding in the end? I know you said that you are okay with that idea, but since you are effectively being forced into this situation, I wonder if you won't harbor resentment towards your FMIL for making you downsize your wedding when it wasn't your idea int he first place? Please think carefully before giving into this woman's demands. Why won't your FI stand up for himself and you? I'm concerned for your situation-- this sucks....
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The backstory: My FI's eldest brother got engaged just weeks before FI and myself and the family told us to back off and wait til his brother married before planning our wedding as to not step on their toes. BULLSH*T, I thought!! But none the less, we had to respect that they beat us to the punch and not utter a word about our plans til they said their vows.(FI's family threatened to have our heads if we didn't. They are crazy control freaks!)
Well, they married in June 2009 and FI and I had been engaged since August 2008 so we immediately began our wedding planning PUBLICLY in July 2009 (We had secretly been planning since we became engaged but just kept it between the two of us. No fun!). After numerous date changes (because of FI's controlling fam) we finally were given "permission" to settle with 10/09/10 which gives us an extremely long engagement.
Well, we set our date, booked our photographer, I bought my dress and we were just about to book our reception site (a little over a week ago now) when FI got word that his middle brother was talking about asking his gf of 2yrs to marry him. Cool right?! WRONG! Problem is, this brother thinks that it would be more than convenient to plan his wedding for right around mine and FI's (within about 2-6 months).
FI and I stressed on the fact that w/us taking time off for our own wedding/honeymoon, we couldn't possibly save enough money or request more time off to attend his brothers wedding (not to mention that its gonna take place all the way on the east coast!).
Well, FMIL recently went out of her way to try and convince me that FI and I should do a "secret" wedding and get it over with and have a "real" ceremony later. Don't get me wrong, this is what I've wanted all along but coming from this super traditional, super controlling woman, to just give up control and tradition and say "to hell with it, go have a vegas wedding!" I knew something was up.
I asked her in the nicest non-offending way possible if she was encouraging this type of wedding because her middle son is planning his wedding for the same time as ours and she played dumb but FI and I both know that she just doesn't want us to cause middle brother "grief" for his wedding plans.
FI and I talked it over and we both agreed that although we will now have to cancel our vendors and lose our deposits, we would much rather have a quicky wedding that is hassle free than deal with the drama associated with his brothers wedding being too close.
Then today, I found out that FI's brother has officially purchased his gf's engagement ring and plans to ask her asap! NOW, the drama will begin, again!!!
FI and I will again be shoved out of the way for his "wonderful" brothers.
So now, instead of planning for that big extravagant wedding that his family wanted and stressing over our budget, we are now scrambling to put together a small vegas wedding with a max of 30 guests but we still want it to feel like a wedding!!
THE STRESS NEVER ENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!
FYI: I previously posted on the emotional board telling the complete story. It is titled: Just another problem (ranting)
I just needed to update the story and rant some more... lol