Post # 1
On October 5th, I will have been married to my Mr. for a year, this time last year I was running around making last minute preparations. Having been married a year now it has been a wonderful journey, one of learning, one of love, and one of growing and it has been awesome.
You will have your wedding and everyone will enjoy themselves, there will likely be hiccups, things may not go the way you planned, you may learn that some friends you thought were friends really werent, you may be taxed over the budget, you may worry whether or not your ring is big enough and what people will think. But at the end of the day, know that none of that stuff really matters, sure it’s nice, but what matters is what you do after you say “I Do”. So enjoy your planning process and relax. It’s the FOREVER that counts.
1. How will we live together
2. How will we divide chores
3. How will we spend our money and save
4. Where will we live
5. Will we have kids
All of that stuff kicks in after you say I do, but always remember to put each othe first, always have a date night that is just for you, and don’t go to bed angry, anger is like cancer and it festers and can destory a marraige quickly.
Enjoy the journey new brides, I sure am and I wish each of you well.
Happy Wedding Day!
Post # 2
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
I’m just genuinely curious, and this isn’t meant to be snark in any way, but do people really not discuss these topics with their future spouse before getting married? To me it just seems like common sense but it seems lots of couples just assume things?
Post # 3
TwinkleBoss: I thought it was common sense too, until this past year when 2 couples of our friends separated and got divorced. Apparently one couple didn’t talk about having children before they got married (turns out husband wanted kids, wife didn’t), and the other couple never talked about where they would like to live and how they would handle unforeseen relocation problems (she refused to move to a different state for his job transfer).<br /><br />
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I never realised that people didn’t talk about this stuff until I came on WB (and talked to some friends IRL)! I just assumed that it was stuff that eventually was brought up. This kind of stuff has been an ongoing conversation since very early on in our relationship and I wouldn’t have married (or gotten engaged to) my DH without discussing these topics first.
Post # 5
All of those topics we discussed long before even being engaged. I don’t think they should be left until after marriage.
Post # 6
creeative1: We’ve discussed that stuff long before getting engaged…and I think most sane people understand that it’s not about the wedding/ring.
Post # 7
I think the point was missed, its not about discussing all of those things before you get married, WE ALL know that’s common sense. I am just merely saying that when people merge lives it doesnt matter how much you discussed things, two becoming one is a process and some people don’t realize that.
Take from it what you will, but when you have that first argument after you say “I do”, just remember, it’s a process.
The goal of the post was to tell all not to sweat the small stuff for your wedding and to enjoy the process before and after marriage.
The problem is people think, they know everything about their beloved when they say I do, the divorce rate is really high amongst recently married people.
Post # 8
TwinkleBoss: I think the bigger question is, do people argue, fall out of love and get divorced. The answer is, yes they do. And it happens to people of all walks of life, ages, races etc.
In my almost 50 years of life, I have learned to be humble and not think I have it all together, so many marriages end at the first sign of trouble.
Post # 9
creeative1: Thanks for the reminders! And congrats on your 1 year anniversary!
Post # 10
creeative1: I find this post rather condescending. You claim to be humble and know that you don’t have it all together, yet you’re on here advising on how to have a good lasting marriage when you yourself have only been married a year?
Post # 11
I feel like if you live together before marriage (which I would say most people do nowadays) then most of these questions are already discussed. Sure, marriage makes it legal but I really feel like once you commit to that “lifetime together” feeling and living together, your lives are already merged, married or not.
Post # 12
a_day_at_the_fair: I think she was just reflecting on her own first year of marriage. What I think she was trying to get at was with all the craziness that happens before a wedding, it’s what happens after that day is what counts.
Post # 13
I don’t believe in the whole “don’t go to bed angry” thing. I think going to bed mad is sometimes the absolute best choice you can make. I used to hate the idea of it and we would be up arguing until 2 am, overtired and just getting more and more worked up and angry. Having to wake up and go to work the next morning on such little sleep only made the situation worse.
We decided that going to bed mad was the best option for us. We can both get a good night’s sleep, wake up refreshed, and be ready to face the problem with clear minds the next day. Half the time, we realize there was never even a problem to begin with! It was just one/both of us being tired and cranky. I think saying “never go to bed mad” is not necessarily good advice, at least not for everyone.
Post # 14
ClaudiaKishi: I hae seen plenty of people who lived together before they got married, divorce after they say I do, so each situation is different.
Post # 15
MizzStark1026: Thank you so much, that’s all I was saying…. and we did discuss all of that stuff and to be honest none of those things are issues, but when you become one with someone it is a process…. this turned into a huge debate and as I stated before, take from it what you will.