- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2009
Anyone that knows me on the Bee, vaguely or otherwise, pretty much knows that I am 100% open about my age and DH’s age (20 and 30, respectively). Now, I understand that in the eyes of some, this is too large of an age difference (considering I am ‘young’). However, I feel that I am mature and responsible and understand my goals in life. DH is not a pervert, not a sicko, and has the same life goals and values as myself.
The reason I’m so angry today is because his coworker pulled him aside while he was working and told him that he owed him an apology. When DH asked why, this guy, we’ll call him P, says it’s because he didn’t “like the fact that he was dating such a young girl”. DH, rightfully, told him that it was really none of his business (also, he waited until we were married to tell him all this? for what reason?), and that he shouldn’t have said anything because P’s opinion doesn’t matter to him.
P then TEXTS DH and says, “Hey man look I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to upset with that…I just felt I should tell you I was sorry for thinking less of you for that… your right it’s none of my business. And my thoughts or opinions mean nothing in the just of your relationship. I just know that I may have judged you on that and its something I have een dealing with on being less judgemental. It may not mean anything to you that I’m saying I’m sorry for a feeling I thought and had…but it does. Not asking to be best friends or nothing just wanted to apologize.” (Also, this was a direct quote, so I realize the grammar/spelling is awful in places.)
So, what the actual f&ck? It was not this coworker’s place to even say anything to DH in the first place. For background: P has flirted with my mother before when she came in to the business to look at furniture (DH works at a furniture store), and P flirts with any piece of a$$ he sees. He has no right to judge DH- especially on a consensual relationship consisting of two mature adults that love each other and have the approval of their entire families.
I am just fuming right now, because I can imagine how angry DH must be. It’s one thing to think these things, but I believe it’s highly unprofessional to call a coworker aside and tell them that he thought less of DH for dating a “younger girl”. Okay, that’s fine to think so, but there is NO REASON to tell DH about this, especially at work, and especially now that we are MARRIED.
Ugh. It’s just unprofessional, and has DH upset/angry, and there’s nothing I can do to help. I realize some are going to judge us because of our age difference, and while I feel it is wrong to judge based on age without knowing the couple, I realize it happens. It’s fine that it happens- whatver, we’re all human and we all judge, but to SAY SOMETHING to one member of the couple while at WORK? Wrong, rude, and crass.
Seriously, though, people that see us in public do NOT look at us odd, because we look like we are very close in age. We have wonderful rapport together, and are both equally mature. We don’t argue/bicker, we communicate, and yes, it HURTS my feelings when people say we shouldn’t be together because we have a 10 1/2 year age difference, because we LOVE each other and we have shared goals, values, and feelings, just as ANY OTHER COUPLE that are similar in age have.
Here is a picture of us on our wedding day:
Would you honestly think we had an almost 11 year age difference?
It hurts, because I am very, very, very open-minded about everything. I am very encouraging to everyone and I don’t judge people in relationships based on age, color, sexual orientation, or anything else. I would ask for the same respect, but I realize that not everyone gives that respect. That’s okay. I will survive.
But it is just WRONG in my opinion to tell someone that you think less of them because of who they are dating (not based on the person’s character, but solely on age). It’s not as if he’s 29 and I’m 15. We were both consensual adults when we met and started dating, and he has told me if he’d met me before I was 18, he wouldn’t have spoken to me. Hell, he was wary about asking me on a date and I was 18, because he is considerate, kind, and respects my parents’ wishes (and, BTW, they adore DH and love him; he is 100% their family and is not in any way ‘sick’ or ‘perverted’ because he dated/married someone younger than him).
Sorry. I just had to vent. I’m sensitive about this topic, which does come up a lot on the Bee I realize, because I feel judged without people knowing who we really are, and who we are together. I go to school full time, I work full time; DH works full time and will begin part time classes next semester to finish his degree. We both love each other. We are both very accepting of other people, which is why it stings when people view us differently for no real reason other than the age we are. :/