(Closed) This is just a Waitingbee rant

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@ladyartichoke:  I had a break down myself the other night. All I did was lay in the shower crying. 

Just tell him how important it is to you. i know and understand your sadness. I pray your SO jumps on the band wagon soon!

After me looking like I was crying I think my SO purposefully allowed me to catch him talking on the phone with my dad so that i would at least know he is doing something. I am very thankful for that cause I was beginning to not care about any of it, and becoming numb. 

Post # 4
Member
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

I am sorry for your situation Cry.  It is very hard to have made a choice to love someone and not feel like it is returned.  I have been there in a few other relationships.  I am new to this website, just a question-do you have a walk date?  Maybe that would help…Before I became a member I was like “I don’t think I can do that” and as I have become more anxious about my age and my relationship I’ve found it to be quite empowering. 

I hope you feel better!

Post # 6
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@ladyartichoke:  I’m sorry if you feel like I’m being insensitive, but if your engagement or lack thereof is causing so much angst and it’s gotten to the point where you’ve considered leaving him: why not propose to him? I think you both need to have a serious think about what you want from this relationship and then an honest chat. Trying to force him to propose to you is NOT a good idea, as I’m sure you’re aware. If he rejects your proposal then at least you can say you tried. 

Post # 7
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I really hope this doesn’t sound stalkerish, but a) I love your screen name and b) I remember you’re the same age as me, so I’ve read a few of your posts in the past and I know you’ve moved a long way to be with your BF. Is it at all possible that he’s waiting for a perfect moment (say your 3 year anniversary) or is he just stalling? Honestly though I think you have made a lot of sacrifices for him and been really supportive moving for him, and maybe he needs to start honouring what you want a bit more, especially as he knows how much it means to you. I also really hope that you’re fulfilling your own dreams in whichever country you are. If you did leave, would you stay where you are or move home? Leaving sounds like it would be a heartbreaking and scary decision but it may make you happier in the long run if he doesn’t respect you or your feelings (not saying this is necessarily the case – for you to think about). Without knowing very much about your relationship, I’d probably wait until your anniversary and then think about moving on. I think that’s enough time for him to know if marriage is what he wants and especially since he’s already asked your dad’s permission I think waiting for any longer to ask you would just be dragging it on unnecessarily and I’d view it as him stalling.

Hoping that it all turns out the way you want it to.

Post # 9
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ladyartichoke:  Hmm. I haven’t replied for a few days and I still don’t really know what advice would be most helpful to be honest. I completely understand why you want to commit and take that “next step”. That’s important to me too. Just reading your post, it sounds to me as though your BF may have wanted to focus on other things while moving and starting a new job, but he may now be adjusting to your new lifestyle and his priorities/wants may have changed. Maybe you need to sit down and talk to him about whether he still thinks marriage is in your near future? Normally I would worry that sort of thing could be pushy. But the thing is, since he asked your dad’s permission I feel he owes it to you to tell you what’s going on. I personally think it’s really unfair of him (disrespectful, even) both to you and to your family to take such a big step and then leave you hanging. To me, once you ask permission that means you’re going to propose within a month MAX. More like the next day. Maybe his feelings about it have changed, maybe he’s waiting for a better/perfect time etc, but I do think he owes you an explanation as to why it hasn’t happened yet and whether he’s serious about marrying you. If he is, why the delay?

On the other hand, if you really trust him, maybe you need to have faith and try to enjoy your relationship for what it is. I don’t know.

Does he respect you? Support and encourage you? Make you happy every day? I think these are some things you should think about. I know it sounds cheesy but I am so happy waking up next to FI every day.

It’s a shame your friends have split up. I can imagine that moving together to a new country is quite intense for a couple and it could well be “make or break” stuff. Perhaps taking this big step of moving together is making both you and your SO re-evaluate your relationship?

Keep us updated. 

Post # 11
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ladyartichoke:  Perhaps he’s focused on work right now and he’s waiting for a better time when things are less crazy?

It sounds to me like you might be a little lonely with him being very busy, as well as the waiting. I think Skype chats home are the answer, and going out in the new country!

What you’re saying about your relationship sounds good. I’m glad being away for a while is reminding you what you have! I say give it some more time 🙂

 

The topic ‘This is just a Waitingbee rant’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors