This is seriously affecting my mental health…

posted 3 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@angeluscado:  Do you feel comfortable with your FI while you drive?  If so, is there a reason he is not helping? If not, could you go to a driving school?

Post # 5
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@angeluscado:  Girl, come on. Your Mom won’t help till you ask, eh? Well then ask! Is this some sort of misguided pride thing? You want to make sure people just go out on their own volition to help you 100% of the time, on your own terms, instead of having to nudge them some? You think people need to just love you enough to go out of their way and always approach you, or it doesn’t count somehow?

Sheesh, just start asking people to be driving buddies with you, this isn’t exactly an immovable object here. Stop being so fatalistic honey! I am sorry you feel so miserable over this, but it is so easily fixable that I think a bit of a boot to the behind is, in fact, what you need. And STOP telling your fi “oh you can’t fix it, so it doesn’t matter.” Yeah, because bottling up your feelings and worries and stopping the flow of communication when you are upset to the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with is totally a good idea. -_-  Things ARE going to be OK, because tomorrow you are going to ask your mother or someone else for help, get out of your depressed bubble, and continue working on getting your license.

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@arabbel:  +1, I’d just ask my mom rather than be all stressed about it.

Post # 7
Member
10489 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@angeluscado:  You can`t take the test after having the full driving package?  They really have changed things so much since I got my licence!  You could get a learner’s and the full thing within a day of each other.

What about just purchasing extra in-car driving lessons?  I saw you said you couldn’t afford it, but did you check into the price?  The extra practice might be cheaper.

 

Post # 8
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yes, you do need to get over it. Period.

 

Suggestions:

1. Ask a good friend (or neighbour etc) and PAY them for it. Pay less than a driving school obviously but if you are paying them for it then it is more likely to be a productive lesson.

2. Ask your mother! Swallow your pride and just do it. Once you have your licence it will be all behind you.

3. Advertise on Craigslist or similar to find someone to teach you. Risky but could be awesome.

4. Organise a trip to go see your in-laws and practice a TON whilst there.

5. Find some private property (like a large shopping car park at night) on which to drive with your FI teaching you. Standard road rules don’t apply. 

6. Double check how expensive more lessons would be. 

Post # 9
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Everdeen:  +1

You are an adult and its important to drive.  Everyone is terrified for the first little while.  I was paniced and believe me, i have messed up and hit plenty of things. 

BUt practice makes perfect. 

Post # 10
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@angeluscado:  Hello BC buddy! Ahh the graduated licensing system. In a lot of ways, its a good system but its a frustrating system if you don’t have the right kind of drivers available at your beck and call! I mean that totally honestly. I never EVER would have learned to drive with my Mom, we are just not compatible enough for that. I was a lucky one, my step-dad is a professional driver and teacher and was willing to teach me and if he hd had to bacl out sortly before I got my test, I would have been a little frustrated and hurt too! Its a lot of work to get your way through all the testing and licensing!

How long have you have your L for? If you only need a bit more practice and you feel mostly comfortable, get your Mom to take you back out on the road! Remember that confidence your driving instructor had with you and infuse yourself with it. You CAN do this! 

Get your hours in so you can go pass the test with flying colours and start working your way through your time with you class 7! 

You’ll be taking trading that L for an N in no time girl! *cheers*

Post # 11
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Everdeen:  Yes, you do need to get over it. Period.

This times a million. ASK YOUR MOM FOR HELP. I do not understand what’s forcing you to sit there and cry instead of asking for help, knowing that you won’t get it unless you ask.

Post # 13
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@angeluscado:  I know that your FI can’t help you – legally. I am suggesting that you find PRIVATE property to drive on. In Australia (not sure about other parts of the world), if property is privately owned then regular licencing laws do not apply. I myself drove without a learner’s licence in a car park for a time. On private property, your FI could go with you. That is my suggestion.

You need to get over how nervous your mother makes you and be honest with her. TELL her that she makes you nervous, that might help her to realise that she isn’t hiding it very well and break the tension. Similar to how saying “well this is awkward” can break an awkward situation.

My suggestion? Do what my dad did. The first time we were driving along, he made sure no one was behind me, not going too fast and then just pulled on the hand brake (emergency brake?). This reassured both myself and him that if something DID happen, he could control the car if need be. Get your mother to do this.

Also, you fear other people letting you down? What’s the big deal? Your in-laws had to MOVE. They have a sick mother! It’s not like they left because you are a bad driver and they had to run away! Don’t be so silly as to cry over people letting you down. It’s not like they abandoned your child when they were meant to be babysitting. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not all about you. Get over it.

 

Look. There is some tough love from me above. BUT you WILL get your licence. You WILL. And then once you have it you’ll look back at this time in your life and laugh at how over dramatic you were being. 

Post # 14
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@angeluscado:  Also, EVERYONE’S parents make them nervous. I don’t know a single person who said that they liked driving with their parents more than anyone else. This problem is not new and many hundreds of thousands of people have had the same one and gotten through it in the end.

Your children will have the same problem with you. 

Post # 16
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@angeluscado:  Do you have any friends that are over 25 that could help you? I honestly think you’ll remember more than you think. Driving is about paying attention and vehicle control, its not rocket science! As long as you can be aware of your surroundings (which I’m sure you can) and steer, accelerate and brake the car, you’re golden! Just be mindful of the other people and stay out of the way and you’ll be fine! I don’t know you live in a big city or a small town but its BC, there’s not really anywhere in this province where the traffic is too difficult!

Have confidence in yourself! Forget everyone who tried and couldn’t help you. Its in the past, geater circumstances had to be dealt with, its a shitty hand but you can play it still! 

Where there’s a will, there’s a way!

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