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I am so sorry about how you are feeling and everyone's responses toward you and about you. You are a super sister for being able to be supportive of her and yet still recognize you are hurt and jealous. I commend you for being brave to do a shower for her given the circumstances. I remember I had a miscarriage and shortly after I was supposed to go to a baby shower. Everyone in my family was so confused that I didn't want to go to a baby shower! I think you are doing a good job already. I don't know what TTC is but I hope you and DH can work through this and hopefully your family will find a better way to address the situation. Have you tried talking a counselor about your feelings? If you feel comfortable, I think it may benefit you during this hard time for you and your DH. Goodluck and I hope for the best for you both.
Ok i think I got TTC trying to concieve. Still no idea of pcos. Sorry I had a lightbulb moment.
Ohh man. Such a happy thing with sad feelings, confusing. OK, you of course sound like you know you have to be a good, supporting sister and it also sounds like your family understands you're sensitive. I think you need to find a good friend to be an outlet since your family can't be right now. And also just be honest with your sister. Say I am soo happy for you and can't wait to help you along but I think once in awhile it's going to make me sad, please don't take offense if I look sad for a second or need a bit of a mental break in dealing with my own issues.
@heathaah:I am so sorry you are feeling all of these conflicting emotions! it is normal! def. use WB as a place to vent - although if you have a good friend who you can be honest with who won't be judgemental that is great too.
In terms of everyone worrying about how this is affecting you, well it is affecting you, and they are right to be concerned. It doesn't mean it isn't more annoying to get the pity than not, but at least try to recognize it is coming from a place of concern. People often don't know what to do or how to act in all kinds of situations that are challenging.
anyways, share how you are feeling, let yourself have your emotions and don't feel bad about them, and eventually the sadness will at least decrease......and you can focus on being happy for your sister!
Oh, sweetie, you are probably one of the most courageous women I know! I know how hard your PCOS dx was for you, but to add that your SISTER is now pregnant on top of that? AND you are still happy for her, and want to throw her a shower?
If I had a sister, I would want her to be like you. ;)
I don't think everyone is trying to "pity party" you. I think they are just trying to be extra sensitive to your feelings and situation. Sometimes our familes go overboard with that, though. You should just tell your mom, sister, and whoever else, that yes, you are sooooo excited to be an aunt in a few months, but there will be times where you will need to remove yourself from certain conversations because it is hard on you. They are your family, and they love you, and I'm pretty sure they would understand.
You have every right to be both sad and jealous, but happy and excited for your sister at the same time.
Im sorry for your painful situation. I would be jealous too, but happy for her. Maybe explain to your family that you are staying optimistic about it and not to worry. Your day will come, and when it does your baby will have a big cousin to look up to!
@edisonsgirl: pcos is polycystic ovarian syndrome ... it mean she's get cysts on her ovaries which can affect ovulation(aka fertility)
@heathaah: i am so sorry, that is a terrible thing to go through, and now your sister is pregnant?! it is normal to feel jealous, especially in this case. i hope you get pregnant soon and i'm praying for you!
I agree with miss snowflake - if i had a sister, I'd want her to be like you! Hang in there girl :-(
Oh man, heathaah- I'd be jealous too. I think its got to be a normal emotion when in your position. You're already feeling emotional and its kinda like you've being kicked when you're down. I think things will get better, don't keep your feelings to yourself though. I'm sure your husband can sympathize. And I'd ask my family to leave it alone. Just say what they want to say because it seems like its more painful that they are avoiding the topic.
I really hope you're able to concieve soon!
Thanks everyone. I just get this feeling of nausea when I think about it. I can't get it off my mind. My mom wants to go shopping with me today...but I know it is because she feels she needs to "give me attention too" or something. Everyone is just acting so weird. I know my mom would rather be there with my sister, calling all the relatives, talking about names, looking for baby patterns to knit. I know this because that's how she was with me when I first told her we were TTC. She just went nuts.
I feel like I want to stay out of the way and let them celebrate. But they keep calling me and saying things like "how 'bout them red sox?" (well, not really that, but you know what I mean) and the obviousness is killing me.
Funny story though...,my sister calls last night and says cautiously, "did you tell Jason?" (Jason is my husband). I was like "yup." She says, "Is he upset?" I said, "no..why? Is it his??" That at least got her to relax for a while.
The same thing happened to my sister and I but I was on the other end. My sister had been TTC for about 3 years but was having so much trouble (she has too much testosterone so the babies wouldnt form) Shes had about 3 miscarriages and 6 months after her last one i found out i was pregnant. I felt terrible having to tell her bc i KNEW how hard it would be for her. I just went into the situation knowing to not get my feelings hurt if she wasnt 100% happy for me and I'm sure your sister did the same thing. She told me not to tip toe around her bc she knew she would HAVE to get use to me being prego. And she did. Just talk to your sister about it.. you'll feel better. You DO NOT sounds spoiled or rude. of course its going to be hard for you and its ok for you to be sad! As long as they recognize that your intentions are good. Your sister(as well as your family) just needs to put themselves in your shoes. But i promise it will get easier for you. May take a while but it will! After my sister TTC for almost 4 years and giving up.. she finally got pregnant and is due in 2 months! so dont give up.. it may come when you least expect it :)
@heathaah: your saracasm and spirit will keep you going, the 'is it his' part just made me laugh...
I'm sorry to hear that and you are 1000% valid in your feelings. I have faith for you! A coworker of mine and his wife tried for 3.5 years and are finally pregnant. Sometimes eggs and sperm just don't like to say hello right away =]. Keep the faith, girl!
Hahahaha @ is it his. That is hysterical. I think that would of lightened any mood. And I think your Mother might genuinely want to be with you right now. She has months to coddle your sister and pick out patterns. But you need some mommy attention right now. So soak it up :)
LOL "Is it his?" Too funny!
Keep your chin up! I can imagine the different emotions you are feeling now. It sounds like you have a wonderful family. All loving, sensitive and caring. :) Hope very soon you have the news you are waiting for!! :)
I felt a little bit jealous every time someone we knew announced a pregnancy even before we were TTC. Then during the couple of cycles when it wasn't happening it killed me when I found out another two of my cousins were pregnant. It can be so frustrating because you just have no control over when it will happen for you! I don't think you should feel guilty about not being ecstatic at this moment. If the shoe were on the other foot your sister would feel the same way. I really believe it will still happen for you, just a matter of time!
((hugs))
Of course it hurts. I had a miscarriage last fall ... and I was utterly crushed in January when my youngest SIL (who married a month after us) announced she was pregnant. Nobody in my husband's family knew I'd had a miscarriage, because we had only told my mom and sister I was pregnant in the first place. So I had to sit through this family gathering, with all the talk of babies and midwives and on and on, outwardly smiling and just dying inside. All the same, I was glad they didn't know ... just because of the awkwardness you are experiencing. At least I didn't have people walking on eggshells around me and making me feel even worse.
I think it's awkward because your family is suffering for you, and they don't want to hurt you. I think we always feel guilty when something good happens for us and somebody close to us is sad or suffering over something else.
Praying for you.
Heathaah, I'm sorry that this happened at what is not the best time for you, but it is normal to feel the way you do! this happened to my friend during a time when she thought she was pregnant so it was bittersweet when her nephew was born. I agree with Janna and Misssnowflake, let yourself vent on here (taht is what we are here for!) and if you have a close friend who is able to listen without judgement do so to her as well. Things happen when they are meant to, so just think maybe the powers that be wanted you to get the pressure off of you before its your turn to have a child :)
I am so sorry.
I think if the one thing you are excited about is throwing a shower then you should wrap yourself up in that. Start researching online, picking dates, venues, etc.
That will give you an opportunity to join in on baby discussions but on your own terms.
I kind of know how you feel. My baby died in my womb at 8.5 months and I can't take babies. People look at me funny, they talk around me funny, it's just all out weirdness. I just try to go on even though, when they do it, I think of my Moose (my child) and I cry. Some of my friends are pregnant and I can't be happy for them right now. It gets easier, but it's so hard. Maybe take a break for a little while and relax. That's what we're doing. Relaxing.
I certainly understand some of your feelings. While we were TTC both of my sisters were able to get pregnant with their second children and I personnaly knew someone due every month (at least one per month) for 8 of those many months. As happy as I was for both of my sisters, I was jealous unlike any other. This too shall pass and your time will come. All of my best wishes are with you.
That's really rough. Hugs! Can I trade my sister in for you?
Love the "Is it his?"
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As you probably know by now, DH and I are TTC, and found out I have pcos. We are fustrated every month, and trying to distract ourselves. I finally got my family to stop asking if we were pregnant...things were ok...
Now my sister finds out yesterday that she is pregnant! She was afraid to tell me, so I am now acting like I am not jealous or upset. But I am. I can't help it. They were married on June 5th, and now have a honeymoon baby due March 1st. They heard the heartbeat today and sent everyone ultrasound pics, despite the warning that it is too soon to spread the news.
Anyways, I am just sick with sadness and jealousy. I just want to cry. They literally got pregnant on the first try. My mom just wanted a grandchild so bad that I feel I disappointed her, and my sister is now the hero. I hate how everyone is (already!!) changing the subject when I am around. My mom changed the subject three times on one phone conversation with me. Finally I told her she didn't have to, and she was like "I am not!!"
Everyone my sister tells is like "oooh does Heather know? How is she taking it?" I can't stand the pity party on top of my emotions.
I do look forward to planning a shower...I love that stuff. And I do like the fact that some pressure will be off of me now. I really am excited for them...but it is so hard. It is all anyone is going to be talking about for the next 9 months. How can I control my sadness and be happy for her? I hate saying it because I sound spoiled or rude. The thing is, I truly am so happy for her. Yet, I am crying.