Post # 1
We have been married for a month and 10 days. I should still be in the “honeymoon phase” right? Maybe not so much for us since we have lived together for three years before the wedding. But shouldn’t I be feeling some sort of post-wedding bliss? Well…I am not.
Husband is in the Air Force Reserves. For three years he has had active duty orders (working on base every day) off and on. When it is off, times are rough and money is tight. He is always able to get back on orders and everything is okay for a little while. Well now he is trying to go permanent active duty, which I completely support even if it would mean us being told to move.
While he is working on that, his active duty orders ended. He told me this after we came back from the honeymoon that his orders would end in two weeks! Well they did. He told me his “plans” about work and told me to be patient for a couple of weeks. He is also a carpenter and in the meantime has been working for a friend finishing his basement. He is making decent money but not enough to get by.
He doesn’t appear to be looking for a civilian job at all right now. I have been patient but now I am more upset than ever. I no longer have a savings account because I helped him out when he needed me. And we are living paycheck to paycheck on MY paycheck! This isn’t easy with the three of us (step-son lives with us).
I love him and I know that he is not a jerk who is willing to live off of me. Unfortunately he has had rough patches in his past and he has always gotten through them. His philosophy “It will be okay”. I can’t live like this and I have told him that! I have been blessed and never had to struggle. I am one who lives within my means and doesn’t blow money. Husband is similiar in his views on money, he just has bad stuff happen to him it seems.
I am not going to divorce him, but how do I get through this? My credit is awesome and I don’t want anything of “mine” to suffer. I know that sounds horrible but I don’t want to end up like him!
Any advice? Please do not say he is a bad man. I can’t put everything in this post. He is a great man and I know he will do what he has said. But right now I feel hopeless.
Post # 3
first off, congratulations and of course he’s not a bad man! he might just be putting up a front with his “everything will be okay” philosophy. i’m sure this eats at him just as much and he DOES have a plan, which is more than a lot of guys. has he looked into going Federal civilian or private civilian? he might have better luck as Federal, especially if he has connections on base. it’s tough, especially since this is right after your wedding, but you really should try to maintain an open dialogue about this with him. you’re currently supporting the family and need to know what’s going on in his head – you both should be involved in actively planning your future. good luck to you both.
Post # 4
@MissusTman:You are not alone, I manage a bank and I see it everyday. People may have enjoyed an upper middleclass life for years and a person gets sick, looses a job, business changes and their whole standard of living is turned upside down. Make sure you are never late on mortgage and if you have credit cards pay at least the minimum on time each month. You will be okay, trust me this will pass.
Post # 5
help him create a plan, but try not to be a nag. i know this is difficult – my fi is in school, and we’re living paycheck to paycheck off my paycheck too. help him look for jobs and work on his resume. make a plan that he will apply for x number of jobs every day. it will get better, you just have to hang in there. i’m sure he doesn’t feel great about you supporting him either, so try to be understanding but work together on mapping out a plan for him.
Post # 6
This is a really tough subject. My husband and I (married 6 months) are basically living off of my paycheck. We don’t have any children, but we do have a house and two cars and I have a student loan.
The best thing for us was to establish a budget. I sat down and identified all of our bills and then all of our expenses. Be realistic here, don’t say you are going to only spend $100 eating out when really you will always blow that number and spend closer to $200 (just an example). Add up all the expenses and get a total amount. This is how much money you need to survive in a month. This was our bare minimum. Then I added in other things I wanted to save for (new car, new tires, new furniture, vacation, etc). Once we got to the end total, we subtracted out my income (I am salary so its the same every month). Anything else I was able to nicely explain to him he had to come up with (odd jobs etc) otherwise we had issues.
We went on the Dave Ramsy “envelope” plan. All of your grocery money, gas money, entertainment money, etc is cash in envelopes. It really helped us stick to our monthly budget. It still gets tight when its the end of the month but its worth it. We also saved up $1,000 for an emergency fund. This is only if an emergency happens (car breaks down, house repair, medical bill, etc). Its nice to know that if those unexpected emergencies come up we can pay for them cash.
Best of luck, communication is the key here!