(Closed) this is so hard…

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am so sorry about how you are feeling and everyone’s responses toward you and about you. You are a super sister for being able to be supportive of her and yet still recognize you are hurt and jealous. I commend you for being brave to do a shower for her given the circumstances. I remember I had a miscarriage and shortly after I was supposed to go to a baby shower. Everyone in my family was so confused that I didn’t want to go to a baby shower! I think you are doing a good job already. I don’t know what TTC is but I hope you and DH can work through this and hopefully your family will find a better way to address the situation. Have you tried talking a counselor about your feelings? If you feel comfortable, I think it may benefit you during this hard time for you and your DH. Goodluck and I hope for the best for you both.

Post # 4
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ok i think I got TTC trying to concieve. Still no idea of pcos. Sorry I had a lightbulb moment.

Post # 5
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Ohh man.  Such a happy thing with sad feelings, confusing.  OK, you of course sound like you know you have to be a good, supporting sister and it also sounds like your family understands you’re sensitive.  I think you need to find a good friend to be an outlet since your family can’t be right now.  And also just be honest with your sister.  Say I am  soo happy for you and can’t wait to help you along but I think once in awhile it’s going to make me sad, please don’t take offense if I look sad for a second or need a bit of a mental break in dealing with my own issues. 

Post # 6
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@heathaah:I am so sorry you are feeling all of these conflicting emotions! it is normal! def. use WB as a place to vent – although if you have a good friend who you can be honest with who won’t be judgemental that is great too.

In terms of everyone worrying about how this is affecting you, well it is affecting you, and they are right to be concerned.  It doesn’t mean it isn’t more annoying to get the pity than not, but at least try to recognize it is coming from a place of concern.  People often don’t know what to do or how to act in all kinds of situations that are challenging.

anyways, share how you are feeling, let yourself have your emotions and don’t feel bad about them, and eventually the sadness will at least decrease……and you can focus on being happy for your sister!

Post # 7
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh, sweetie, you are probably one of the most courageous women I know! I know how hard your PCOS dx was for you, but to add that your SISTER is now pregnant on top of that? AND you are still happy for her, and want to throw her a shower?

If I had a sister, I would want her to be like you. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I don’t think everyone is trying to “pity party” you. I think they are just trying to be extra sensitive to your feelings and situation. Sometimes our familes go overboard with that, though. You should just tell your mom, sister, and whoever else, that yes, you are sooooo excited to be an aunt in a few months, but there will be times where you will need to remove yourself from certain conversations because it is hard on you. They are your family, and they love you, and I’m pretty sure they would understand.

You have every right to be both sad and jealous, but happy and excited for your sister at the same time.

Post # 8
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Im sorry for your painful situation. I would be jealous too, but happy for her. Maybe explain to your family that you are staying optimistic about it and not to worry. Your day will come, and when it does your baby will have a big cousin to look up to!

Post # 9
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@edisonsgirl: pcos is polycystic ovarian syndrome … it mean she’s get cysts on her ovaries which can affect ovulation(aka fertility)

 

@heathaah: i am so sorry, that is a terrible thing to go through, and now your sister is pregnant?! it is normal to feel jealous, especially in this case. i hope you get pregnant soon and i’m praying for you!

Post # 10
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree with miss snowflake – if i had a sister, I’d want her to be like you! Hang in there girl ๐Ÿ™ 

Post # 11
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh man, heathaah- I’d be jealous too.  I think its got to be a normal emotion when in your position.  You’re already feeling emotional and its kinda like you’ve being kicked when you’re down.  I think things will get better, don’t keep your feelings to yourself though.  I’m sure your husband can sympathize.  And I’d ask my family to leave it alone.  Just say what they want to say because it seems like its more painful that they are avoiding the topic. 

I really hope you’re able to concieve soon!

Post # 13
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

The same thing happened to my sister and I but I was on the other end. My sister had been TTC for about 3 years but was having so much trouble (she has too much testosterone so the babies wouldnt form) Shes had about 3 miscarriages and 6 months after her last one i found out i was pregnant. I felt terrible having to tell her bc i KNEW how hard it would be for her. I just went into the situation knowing to not get my feelings hurt if she wasnt 100% happy for me and I’m sure your sister did the same thing. She told me not to tip toe around her bc she knew she would HAVE to get use to me being prego. And she did. Just talk to your sister about it.. you’ll feel better. You DO NOT sounds spoiled or rude. of course its going to be hard for you and its ok for you to be sad! As long as they recognize that your intentions are good. Your sister(as well as your family) just needs to put themselves in your shoes. But i promise it will get easier for you. May take a while but it will! After my sister TTC for almost 4 years and giving up.. she finally got pregnant and is due in 2 months! so dont give up.. it may come when you least expect it ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@heathaah: your saracasm and spirit will keep you going, the ‘is it his’ part just made me laugh…

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry to hear that and you are 1000% valid in your feelings. I have faith for you! A coworker of mine and his wife tried for 3.5 years and are finally pregnant. Sometimes eggs and sperm just don’t like to say hello right away =]. Keep the faith, girl!

Post # 16
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hahahaha @ is it his.  That is hysterical.  I think that would of lightened any mood.  And I think your Mother might genuinely want to be with you right now.  She has months to coddle your sister and pick out patterns.  But you need some mommy attention right now.  So soak it up ๐Ÿ™‚

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