- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I am getting married in September.
We are in the early process of buying a house and will probably close in mid-April.
I just started a new job in December after being on unemployment for 3 months and it is HARD. My 90 day review is coming up and I am petrified I’m going to get fired even though I am trying my hardest to do a good job. It is just really hard and a totally new environment with tons to learn and it is STRESSING me out.
In addition to all of that stress, last week my fiance found a bump inside my vagina. I have an appt. in a few days to get it checked out but I am FREAKING. OUT.
I also don’t have insurance yet b/c I am a temp at work so that is bothering me too.
Money is a worry because I am behind on wedding payments from when I was on unemployment. Plus we found a house a lot sooner than we thought we would so the money for the inspection, furniture, closing, is going to be a little tight.
I have no heat in my car. The heater has been acting up for a few weeks but today it totally stopped working. It’s 30 degrees where I live and I don’t have time or money to fix it. I have an hour drive to and from work everyday.
My mom is on kidney dialysis and so she needs a lot of help around the house with cooking, cleaning, etc. I don’t mind helping her but … it’s a lot of time and stress in addition to everything else.
I was hoping to lose 5-10 lbs. before the wedding and just tone up, but with all this stress and other stuff going on, I can’t even think about working out. My schedule is constantly changing and I can’t get into a routine.
My appetite is all over the place. Sometimes I am eating everything in sight and sometimes I am so nauseated I can’t bear the thought of food.
I can’t fall asleep at night. When I do sleep, I have horrible nightmares about EVERYTHING — my health, death, my family, my fiance, work, the house, the wedding.
I have bags under my eyes and they are all puffy from lack of sleep and constantly crying. (I bawl my eyes out pretty much every day after work because I am just so stressed and overwhelmed). How am I supposed to look beautiful on my wedding day??!?!?!
I know I should probably see a dr. but I don’t have insurance. I have tried calling free clinics and community centers but those places aren’t open evenings or weekends, and I don’t have any time off work yet to go during the day.
I have a history of anxiety and depression and am on meds but they don’t seem to be working. And I can’t see a dr. because of the reasons listed above.
My friends and family don’t understand. I can’t talk to ANYONE.
I am mostly upset because I am supposed to be enjoying my engagement. I’m supposed to be excited about getting married and moving into our own house. And I am excited. Somewhere deep, down underneath all the stress and fear and anxiety. But I can’t get passed all the worry that consumes me everyday.
I am SO SO tired of feeling like this. I just don’t know what to do.
I am PISSED because I want to be happy. I want to enjoy this time in my life. I know that wedding planning and house buying are stressful, but I feel like I could handle it if all the other crap wasn’t going on.
Postponing the wedding is not an option. We’ve already been engaged over 2 years. And it’s so close now I can’t back out of my contracts.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just venting. I am just so overwhelmed and confused and scared and …. I feel hopeless sometimes. I feel like the wedding is never going to happen and I’ll never be happy.
I am happy with my fiance but …. all this other BS that is getting thrown at us is getting in the way and I don’t know how to deal with it.