Post # 1
I am so frustrated and hurt. I’m just at my wits end. I wanted to elope and Fiance wanted this wedding, which he said he would plan. Should have guessed it, I have done almost everything. I know he didn’t intend it to go that way, it just did. So I have been upset about that (I really actually have always loathed the idea of planning a wedding) and then this happened.
So my sisters were supposed to plan my shower/bachelorette. Both of them are my bridesmaids. They have had since around August to plan it. One of them is underage and so won’t be able to come to the bars after the shower and has decided to throw a massive hissy fit and not help plan anything. My other sister, bless her, has tried to pick up the slack but is hopelessly bad at organizing (wonderful artist, horrible analytical thinker).
So now it’s 8 days until the shower and absolutely nobody knows what’s going on. None of the guests even knew it was supposed to be pot luck. My sister didn’t plan for beverages or activities or anything except making the cupcakes she’s bringing for the pot luck and for some reason she figured she would organize all the gift purchasing (She works at pier 1). Half of the people received confusing paper invitations, the other half got invited to an equally confusing Facebook group. When I asked her what we were doing for the bachelorette her response was “Wait, I was supposed to plan that?”
I’m disappointed in one sister (but its not really her fault. Organizing is just not her forte). But I am just plain old hurt by my other sister. We’re quite close and it just astounds me that she would be so selfish. She is also really good at planning things so her help would have been super valuable. So now I’m in the position of having to step in and help plan/fix my own shower and bachelorette. I am just so frustrated from taking over everything else in this wedding that I wasn’t supposed to do, that this is just the last straw. This was supposed to be the one part where I sat back and did nothing, but now someone’s got to fix it, anis it sure isn’t going to be them.
Ugh, thanks for reading my rant. Am I bring unreasonable for being upset? I feel like if I had been supposed to plan one of their showers and dropped the ball so badly, they would be livid with me.
Post # 3
@AdriannaJean: I think it is perfectly okay to be upset. Why did you FH drop the ball on planning? Is there somebody else who is really good at planning that you can pull in and explain the situation to that would be happily willing to plan the bachelorette party at this point? Is there a place you love where you could hang out with the people who are invited? Personally, I am all for simple easy low-key events.
Post # 4
I live in the UK, where most brides plan their own bachelorettes…usually called hen parties. Most don’t have bridal showers.
I sometimes think we can get in the position of believing our wedding to be as important to the people surrounding us, as it is to us. It just isn’t. Also thinking that someone is going to change what they are like overnight is like barking at the moon. You mentioned that your sister is ‘hopelessly bad at organising’…that isn’t going to change just for your wedding.
I’d be thankful that if you do the organising at least your bachelorette party will end up being what you want.
Post # 5
The only person you have any right to be mad at is your fiance. If he told youthat he was going to help plan the wedding and then left you high and dry then yes you have every right to be annoyed with him.
The situation with your sisters is a whole other sotry. No one is entitled to a shower or bachelorette. They are gifts. You never ask people to host them for you, you never host them yourself, and you most definitely don’t step in and “fix” it when you don’t like what someone else is generously planning for you. I find your annoyance with the bachelorette party especially baffling. You expected your younger sister who isn’t even allowed to attend to invest money, time, and effort when she doesn’t even get to come to the party. Are you listening to yourself?
Post # 6
I don’t feel like you’re being unreasonable. If they didn’t want to do the shower, they should have said no instead of just half-assing it. I also disagree with PPs, I think a bridal shower is a clear traditional responsiblility for BMs and they need to step up.
Post # 7
I think @arendiva is being kind of harsh.
1. Me and my Fiance are the same as you….he wants a wedding, but I’d rather elope. Even so, I wouldn’t trust my Fiance, being a man and all, to plan wedding. Just curious, did you really think your Fiance was going to do that? I’ve never heard of a man planning a wedding even when he’s the one who wants it. Maybe he’s a special kind of man?
2. Your sisters definitely should have stepped up to the plate and planned your bridal shower and bachelorette parties for you. Maybe you should have put the younger one in charge of the shower since she can’t attend the bachelorette. One thing I’ve noticed is the people closest to you can be the ones to take you for granted the most. I would probably assign those responsibilities to a friend instead, who is close to you by choice and not b/c you’re related.
True Story: I recently planned a bachelorette for a semi-friend (the finace of my FI’s cousin) and I wasn’t even a bridesmaid. Her sisters and cousins were bridesmaids and they didn’t do ANYTHING…two didn’t even show up. Her FI’s mom had to step in and plan a shower and I did the bachelorette out of the kindness of my heart.
Maybe you can just give them more detailed instructions, i.e. tell them exactly what you want to do and have them execute. It can be hard to come up with an idea that lives up to the bride’s expectations, from my experience. Good luck hun!
Post # 8
@arendiva: I should have explained things better. My youngest sister was never expected to help at all with the bachelorette, only the shower that was happening at our house, but she has thrown a fit and boycotted the whole thing (even when we suggested spending most of the night at a restaurant she would be able to attend). This isn’t entirely out of character for her, but I guess I was just surprised she would pull it with my shower.
And with regards to having to “fix” things, this isn’t a matter of not having nice decorations. This is a matter of having the majority of my family and friends show up at my family’s home a week from now, my sister is under the impression that it was supposed to be a potluck, but not a single guest knows this as of yesterday. I honestly don’t care about any details whatsoever. I just don’t want dozens of people showing up at my house expecting to be fed, only to be greeted with “where’s the food?” from my sister. I didn’t have a set vision of what this was supposed to look like. I was just frustrated that in the end I had to step in to clarify what was going on for everyone.
@Reign14: I am abnormally lucky. My Fiance would have done it, and done it well. His job just requires him to be in camp for a significant portion of the year. We were hoping to have him home in September, but he came home mid-December. He wasn’t able to do anything from there so it fell to me. I’m not mad at him for it. It’s not his fault. That situation was just the aggravating catalyst behind my frustration with having some of the planning for my own shower fall to me.
Post # 9
@Reign14: I’m not being harsh. This is basic ettiquete 101. Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are gifts. People either offer to throw them for you or they don’t If no one offers you just don’t get to have one.
@AdriannaJean I get that it sucks that no one you are close to wants to throw you a bachelorette party but it’s rude of you to force your sister to throw you one especially when she is already throwing you a bridal shower. For what it’s worth it’s also kind of rude for a hosted party to be a potluck. But if that was her idea than that’s your sister’s faux pas not yours. I’m sorry that things haven’t gone the way you wanted.
Post # 10
“Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are gifts”
Where did I say that I asked them to do it? I double-checked. Definitely said that nowhere…
“but it’s rude of you to force your sister to throw you one especially when she is already throwing you a bridal shower”
There was no forcing involved. She wanted the bachelorette to happen, and she wanted to have it happen within the same event as the shower (like, one leading to the other sort of thing). She just kind of expected it to happen without any planning. I was frustrated with her absent-mindedness regarding something that obviously affects me, not forcing her to do anything.
You read a lot into my post that wasn’t there.