This Is Why Your BM's and MOH Aren't Organizing Parties For You….

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
12262 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@ArtCurator:  Oh my God I love you I love you I love you.

You could not have phrased that any better!

Post # 4
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

none of my friends are financially well off, just out of college or still in school

They worry about transportation to and from a grocery store on a weekly basis as well as allocating money for food on a daily basis I really can’t expect them to do much and already asking them to spend the whole day with me for the day of my wedding will be a lot since being in school or working requires taking off days/missing classes just to spend time with me.

For all the times I have tried to make plans with them but things have not gone according to plan or they can’t show up last minute, I always think its not their fault they CAN”T have a social life right now, I mean realistically would one choose to go to work/school vs. socializing with girlfriends? No, you would choose to have fun! But life is hard and making ends meet with money/time to study is part of being an adult. I commend my girlfriends for being responsible and blowing me off for the right reasons. I would never be upset they couldn’t make it cause they had to work, go to class, or had no transportation.

Post # 5
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@ArtCurator:  This is well said.

I look back in horror at my duties as a BM in my early 20s…I blew off my BFF’s from HS’s bridal shower (it conflicted with my college schedule), and I was unable to stay for the entire time at her DW because I had to drive back and be at work.  I was 23, didn’t have a lot of leverage at my company at this point…HORRIBLE!!

Now that I’m older, have been to a few weddings and am starting to plan my own-I get it.  As a 30 year old, I am in a MUCH better place financially and maturity to understand that being in a wedding is more than showing up on the day of.   

This should be made into a sticky under the bridesmaids section lol.

Post # 6
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Good to see a realistic post. Some brides expect too much from their bridesmaids that they should be at the side and helping them plan their wedding. They too have lives.

Post # 7
7906 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ArtCurator:  I kind of disagree. All a bachelorette party needs to be is a night out. If a woman in her 20s can’t organise a group of people to go out, heaven help her. Unless there are special circumstances (like living a long way away, or a major schedule clash), every MOH should be able to give her best friend a special night. Not because it’s duty, because that’s the sort of thing best friends do.

The problem comes when the bride has higher expectations, like an all-weekend bachelorette, or wanting wedding planning help. 

Post # 8
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I have to admit, when I was 23 and my best friend was getting married I was totally lost. I was also working full time at night, going to school during the day, and in my sister’s wedding. I had no idea what I was doing. I did plan and throw a bridal shower for my sister on my very limited budget and I was so worried that people were disappointed since I’d never been to one before and was mainly guessing what to do. (I wish I’d known about weddingbee back then!)  My other sister threw the bachlorette party for my sister and planned it all. I had a bunch of ideas for my friend’s parties, but I got the impression that the MOH was in charge of that so when my friend told me her sister was the MOH I waited to hear direction from her (It never happened, bride planned her own party and I have felt horrible since) Now that I’m a bit older, more financially stable, and have learned more about weddings I could do a much better job.

Post # 9
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree completely with this post!  When one of my close friends got married in college, I had no idea about wedding etiquette.  I also think that people now expect too much out of the wedding process.  Showers have become elaborate events with with full meals and a large guest list.  Bachelorette parties have become weekend trips to exotic desitinations.  Now a bride “expects” her best friends to throw these huge parties and it honestly takes a ton of planning.  

I think the financial aspect is a huge piece of this.  In many cases, bridesmaids may still be in school or just starting their first “real” job.  Paying for a bridesmaid dress along with travel expenses adds up quickly.  Then, on top of that, the bridesmaids are expected to contribute towards a wedding shower and pay for a bachelorette weekend away.  It can easily drain your bank account!

My friends and I have started a tradition that I love.  For showers, we host an “afternoon tea” at someone’s house.  The menu typically consists of finger foods and homemade desserts (usually made by the bridesmaids).  We usually wear fun hats and gloves.  This is usually very affordable and lots of fun.  

Post # 10
7319 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I second the motion to make this post a sticky! Very well writtem, OP. 🙂

Post # 11
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My BFF is already trying to plan her own bachelorette…11 months before the wedding. She hasn’t even given us a chance to start arranging it ourselves. We told her to stop planning or making any arrangments. She is allowed to pick a date and give us a guest list. Everything else she has to let us do, and we won’t be doing it for several more months. I don’t mind planning it for her, and I know she is arleady thinking about what to do for mine, but I really wish it could just be seen as the nice geasture it is and not a demand or requirement to be a BM.

Post # 12
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Here in the uk we have one party the hen party which is a night out. We dont have bridal showers and and bachlorette events. To me its over the top and unnecessary. The bride is getting married thats her celebration she doesnt require several additional parties and events people arent made of money.  Can I ask are ppl expected to give a bridal gift pay towards the brides bachlorette and give a wedding present and pay for a bm dress? If so that’s ridiculous. 

Post # 13
11808 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ArtCurator:  well said.

I will admit, I have posted a pouty whine about the fact that I won’t have a shower – it’s not because my girls can’t/won’t/don’t want to plan one, it’s that logistically it would be ridiculous and I can’t expect or ask them to throw me a cross country shower – that’s just insane (although I know there are lots of brides on here who would expect it).

Post # 14
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Y’all, I would completely understand this if it was written like 20 years ago, but with the invention of Google and Pinterest, no one can really say nowadays that they had no idea what to do. It’s one thing when the bride has an expectation of a weekend trip to Las Vegas and not everyone has the budget for that, it’s another when a bridesmaid doesn’t care enough to grab some sweets from the supermarket and throw a cute little tea party or something else that’s inexpensive.

Post # 16
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Very true. I’m 24 and my bridal party all really want to do something but I can tell it’s very overwhelming for them. None of them have ever been in a wedding, so it’s understandable. 

They all tell me that they want it to be nice, because when they get married they want something nice too. I think they feel guilty that I will plan something really wonderful for them but they aren’t planning anything really nice for me. This is partially true, because I’ve learned so much from planning a wedding. 

I tell them over and over again, that it doesn’t need to be anything elborate as long as they are there i’m a happy bride. I think they also feel hurt when I make any suggestions, so now I only tell them ask me if you need anything. I’ve also told my girls to talk to my mom and my FMIL for any advice or help. 

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