- 3 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
Hi! I’ve been reading Weddingbee Boards forever. There seems to be one recurring theme on the Bridesmaids board– your bridesmaids and MOH’s aren’t being coorperative with what you expect for your pre-wedding parties.
You see other brides having their showers, their hen parties, their bachelorette trips….but not YOU! You feel let down and disappointed in ladies whom you thought were friends! Or at the last minute they throw something together, not to your liking, because they can feel you “simmering & pouting” about it…sometimes from across the country!
Putting aside that your BMs and MOH might all live far away, have jobs, school, financial constraints, or aren’t interested in anything other than showing up to the wedding wearing their BM dresses….I just wanted to suggest a possiblity as to why you’re not being thrown your parties and trips.
Most young women are not experienced party or travel planners.
There are a lot of organizational, social, financial, and creative skills involved in getting a party or trip together. Throw in a bride who has been letting it be known that she wants things a certain way, having to invite & host family members from both sides of the family that the MOH or BM never met before, tracking down addresses, dealing with food, decor, and getting a bunch of busy people in the same room together all at the same time…..? Well is it any wonder a young woman would feel way over her head and out of her element?
Your friends may not even recognize their feelings of why they are overwhelmed at the thought of organizing all this and so think “Well, I just don’t feel like doing this.” Then they go silent. They don’t answer your texts, calls or emails. They go very vague. They become so busy and so broke. When, really, they just don’t have the party and travel planning skills to accomplish what is expected of them. This lack is made more intense when you have to host family guests you don’t know and a bride who has expectations.
And really, not knowing how to do something is okay. Not everyone can do all that. When the bride starts getting steamed, disappointed, silently pouts and then announces she will throw the darn shower for herself or make all the bachelorette travel arrangements….uuuh, it’s no wonder so many friendships don’t survive this.
Brides, when your MOH or BMs are not “performing” as you want, please take a deep breath and try to figure out what is the real reason someone isn’t living up to expectations. I keep reading “but I thought they were my friends!” Well, they all think that YOU are their friend, too! Show some compassion, some kindess and some understanding. If you chose girls to stand beside you who are not, maybe, the world’s most capable arrangers, organizers and planners– then try to just appreciate them for who they are.
Your girls … really your entire wedding…. will reflect all the love and warmth that you decide to bring to it. In the end, isn’t that what you really want for this wonderful day?
Concentrate on the beauty of the wedding day itself. Turn all that wasted “I didn’t get my parties” energy into the positivity of creating the most gorgeous Big Day ever! Maybe throw THEM a gorgeous thank you brunch the day of the wedding. You’re a bride, but you are an understanding friend, too!
Brides, enjoy your happiness and gathering your friends up into it!