Post # 1
Alot has changed for me over a month’s time; I moved a state away from my family, went from no job to 3 part time jobs and I am now living with my fiance. The last thing on my mind is my wedding. The only reason I remember that I am having one comes from all the questions the new people I meet, ask constantly.
About 2 weeks ago we did our tasting in the NEW room I recluctantly had to choose as a concelation to my original venue area. You see, while going to my original venue, which was a secluded lodge, I started to wonder if my guests would make it through the rocky terrain safely. I moved it because I was scared some of my guests would have sprained knees and ankles, to a hall, which was something I was dead set against as my venue. This new venue is not my cup of tea….I dont even think lighting would save it.
I really hate a lot of aspects of my wedding; it’s too far, the venue is ugly, the food is just okay, my theme is going down the drain because of budgeting and I just dont feel like having a wedding at all anymore. My fiance makes me feel like I am stuck with it because he put down a tiny deposit for the venue (1500) and DJ (about 200 bucks). Do I just call it quits?
I just feel like when I look at my wedding as a whole…..it doesn’t represent me and my fiance. I feel like I am caught up in a wedding production line and its making me want to elope.
Post # 3
eloping could be exciting!
Post # 4
Are you sure your fiance is making you feel stuck to the wedding because of the deposit and not because he wants the wedding? If he wants the wedding, it wouldn’t be fair to elope. Otherwise, it sounds like that’s what you’re leaning towards and may be worth it.
Post # 5
If you really want to elope (and your Fiance is happy with that option too) then you should elope. I will say that $1700 is not a tiny amount of money to me though – your Fiance may see that amount of money differently to you. Particularly if one of you was unemployed for a period of time. That would not stop me eloping as you’d be saving money anyway but it would give me pause when contemplating changing venue.
I think it’s important to remember that your wedding will represent you because it is you and your Fiance getting married that day. It’s no one else’s wedding and it’s only a trend of recent decades that weddings have to be personalised, amazingly unique events. I totally understand wanting the ceremony and reception of your dreams, I just mean don’t lose heart because of the change from your original vision. DIY decorations and some lighting can do amazing things to even quite bland venues. Does the venue have photos of previous events they could show you so you could get a feel for what is possible or to see if it looks better when it is all dressed up? Ultimately what you will remember about your wedding day is being so happy to marry your Fiance, not all the details like decorations and stuff though 🙂
Post # 6
Have you talked to your Fiance about how you feel…?
If you cancel so far out you can prob get back at least some of your deposit… maybe advertise to get someone to “buy out” your reservation/booking of the hall?
If your Fiance WANTS the wedding, then you guys need to find a way to compromise…
If he just feels stuck because of the deposits then stuff the deposits and elope…
Just talk to him and tell him what you wrote here… Start your marriage now and find a compromise between the two of you 😉
Also, I agree with a previous poster that 1.5k is not a small sum of money by any stretch of the immagination, but it is still cheaper than continuing to shell out money for a wedding/party you dont reall want.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
We had paid a $2000 deposit when we changed venues, Fiance wasn’t totally happy at the time but now he’s completely on board. Maybe it’s time for a big heart to heart?
Post # 8
I have talked to my fiance about this, he thinks it’s just all the stress I have gone through lately thats pushing me to give up on a wedding. He doesnt care either way if we have the wedding or not, ultimately, he left EVERYTHING up to me. All he cares about is if I’m happy and that we will still get married.
I know $1700 is not a small amount of money but when you compare it to possibly spending $16,000 to 18,000 (In NY, where the venue is, thats pretty inexpensive for a 105 person wedding), I think we will be saving money. My fiance provided another option; instead of canceling the whole wedding to just make it smaller. The problem with that is my family is pretty big (and stubborn) and choosing who to can will cause issues.
I was unemployed for a year, and right when I moved, I instantlly obtained 3 jobs, all part time. Money has never been a very big issue.
Post # 9
@Miss Moxy: That is why I am eloping and having a wedding to satisfy the families…Just wrote a whole post where I explained my decision. But, this wedding planning process has lost a lot of meaning behind who Fiance & I are so we will sign our marriage certificate with a judge the weekend before the wedding – just the two of us. Then, instead of a traditional wedding ceremony & reception, we will have a public declaration of love and recite our vows publicly then have a big party. The day where we sign our marriage cerificate can be all about us and reflect who we are while the big party day can be about the families & friends.
Post # 10
@Miss Moxy: Gosh, that’s a tough situation. I’m sorry it’s so rough right now. It’s no fun at all when you feel like everything’s falling apart and you can’t even remember why you wanted the wedding in the first place.
Do you like to read? I have found a few books that have helped me think about and resolve a lot of the same issues you’re having. They don’t give you any direct answers, but they might help you think about things and sort through your emotions. Here are my favorites:
The Conscious Bride, by Sheryl Nissinen
Let’s Elope, by Scott Shaw and Lynn Beahan
How to Have the Wedding You Want, by Danielle Claro (this one is from the mid-90s, but her writing made me laugh, and she’s got good tips)
Good luck! I hope you figure out what feels right for you and your fiance. 🙂