This job is soul sucking…

posted 2 years ago in Career
Post # 2
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Especially considering the reasons you took you new job, start documenting your contact with the other woman. It is really tough, but the next time she escalates, take a breath and say, “Jane, this conversational approach does not work for me. I’m worried we’re not building a strong working relationship. It would help me more if you could frame your suggestions in X way. For instance, if you could say, “[give an example]”, that will help me learn faster than these conversations, where I simply feel defensive. I perceive you to be yelling or upset, which seems unsual for our office environment.” You have to say it in a very calm, even tone of voice, so practice at home. No apologizing, and no attitude. When it happens, document that you had that conversation with her. 

If it happens again, say, “Jane, the tone of this conversation makes me feel ___. Can you frame you question/request/task a different way?” 

It may be that no one has ever called her out on it, and she’s always associated positions of power with “dominant” behavior like yelling or being intimidating. Giving her examples of other ways to work with you may be really useful for her. But, as you compile documentation, take it to HR. 

You can also ask HR, or your boss, about the job description. “Now that I’ve been here two months and am settling in, I’m wondering about a few things that made this position particularly appealing. Is there an upcoming project where I will be using X skills, like we talked about in my interview?” 

Once you’ve talked to people, then you can make a more informed decision about moving. I wouldn’t jump ship until then, though. 

Post # 3
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If you can afford it financially, leave. It’s not worth it to have a job that makes you miserable. But first, explain to the person who hired you/HR manager everything you said above. You’re doing work you weren’t hired to do, you’re working underneath someone you never met, someone who everyone else hates. See if they’d be willing to do something to remedy the situation.

Post # 4
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No job, amount of money, or benefits is worth going every day to be soul sucked. Apply for more positions and leave.

Post # 5
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Go back to your old employer.  I’m in a soul sucking job too and have been for 3+ years.  I pray to God that I get a new opportunity soon.  I can’t possibly continue like this.  I’m so miserable.

Post # 6
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Apart from the angry lady, are their other problems in the company or do you think that if she left everything would improve? I would be doing the best I could to learn everything and make her redundant (IF what RedHairing:  suggests doesn’t work, because you really should confront her. What have you got to lose?). If they can finally fire her then perhaps the place will improve? 

And if there is no improvement by the time that other opportunity comes up then take it!

Post # 7
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I say go back to your old company. I had a soul sucking job several years ago and it made me physically sick. My dh, parents, and even my doctors told me to get out of that place. As soon as I did, my health improved. You don’t want to get to that point. 

Post # 8
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Leave. Leave as soon as you get an offer from your old company and never look back. My last job was a soul-sucker/mindf***, and I wish I had gotten out of there long before I worked up the nerve to. These types of situations tend to get worse and as unbelievable as it sounds, you wind up feeling like you’re totally stupid and thus end up staying and putting up with the crap. I saw it happen to former coworkers, and it happened to me. Even after I found another job in my field which is much less stressful, I’m still burned out and can’t shake the uneasy feelings that are a result of trying to do a good job in a workplace that endorses a culture of fear to keep employees in line. No job is worth giving that much of yourself and your sanity. Please go before your situation affects you to the point that you suffer long-term. If it’s already making you feel this bad, just think what it’ll be like if you stick around.

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