- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
So, last time I posted I mentioned that I didn’t think that my SO was going to be popping the question anytime soon because I had told him a while back that I wanted to do some ring browsing together and he agreed that this would be a good plan.I was concerned and mentioned that I was having a hard time where we were living, and was feeling like I might be coming up on my breaking point and meanwhile we haven’t even spoken about taking a look at some rings. I’ve since gotten past that and realized that I need to give him the time that he needs. I love him and feel like if he needs a little longer to get his head around what this all means then I need to be supportive of that. However things have been popping up that make me curious that maybe he isn’t as far from the point I’m at as I initially believed.
The first indication came when I brought up going on a vacation for his birthday. Last year we took a weekend trip to Boston, so he kind of shrugged it off saying we had plenty of time to plan that (Nov.), but I told him that I was actually thinking maybe we could dip into our wedding fund (we have a savings account because we know weddings cost a bundle) and go somewhere fun like Mexico, but we’d have to start planning soon to get passports and whatnot in time. I thought mentioning dipping into our wedding fund would alleviate some pressure, and let him know I’m not completely consumed with when we’re going to USE the fund, but he got a little taken aback at the mention instead. I promised him that I didn’t mind and that I thought we deserved some time away.. where I feel like normally he’d be all about a fun trip he instead told me that maybe we should “just wait a little” before making any decisions about dipping into that money. I didn’t think anything of it because, like I said, we still haven’t even looked at rings together.
Then the ring shopping convo came up again. I didn’t bring it up really, it sort of happened organically. I mentioned that I would still want to take a look at options together, even if it was just on the internet, and reminded him that we had discussed this. He made a face. I asked him what was up with that. He told me the whole idea of ring shopping together didn’t feel right to him. I told him this was his engagement too, so If he wanted to surprise me, then to surprise me.
I didn’t think much of it till my last “huh?” moment that left me smacking my head feeling like a total jerk. My mom had bought me an antique diamond ring for my 18th birhtday nearly 10 years ago, and I was bummed when I noticed that a prong had busted and let a small stone slip away. My SO offered to get the stone replaced for me and I declined telling him that I didn’t entirely trust the kimberly process, and besides I wasn’t particularly thrilled with the envoronmental imapact of dimond mining. I followed it by telling him that I honestly only wore the diamond because of the sentimental value and would NEVER want a diamond for myself now.. I noticed a momentary wave of panic cross his face that was gone as quickly as it arrived. He took a deep breath and said “well, I guess there’s a lot I didn’t know about diamonds.”
I felt so terrible, and I’m hoping I imagined it. I was once convinced that I’d be getting a ring for mah birfday (labor day weekend) then became equally convinced otherwise (due to the lack of shopping discussion), and now am worried that yes, that is the case and yes, I just super much ruined this for him. I feel like a gigantic jerk!!