- 7 years ago
Hey Bees, I’m a regular poster on this board but am going incgnito at the moment for personal reasons. I have been engaged for awhile now and am thinking of calling off the engagement and leaving my FI. His unwillingness to change his inappropriate behavior, better communication, and work through issues has pushed me to my breaking point and past my limits.
Timeline of events:
2008 – Met FI
2009 – FI had an emotional affair with a girl I went to school with. I should have left then. FI promised to change, and I stayed. FI afterwards flirted with several girls, and I foolishly stayed anyway.
2010 – FI had a physical affair with a girl he met through a friend. I foolishly forgave him. He proposed, and things got way better. I thought we had turned a corner.
2011 – FI had been completely faithful for almost a year. He allowed me to look at Facebook, Twitter, e-mails, phone records to show me his faithfulness and regain my trust. Things were going very well until April. I found e-mails in a different account talking to another girl. This has been going on while I try to pick my next move.
Today – FI had promised to take me to see the new POTC movie. This afternoon my mom calls very upset about a personal family issue so I talk to her and calm her down. FI decides that he never wanted to take me to that movie, and we should do what he wants today instead. This has always been an issue.
I also have an anxiety disorder and cry when provoked. This makes FI angry. He essentially calls me whiny, needy, and other names. I leave, and he calls. He says that I am all up under him when he is off work, and I need to get a life besides him. All I asked to do today was go to the movies.
He doesn’t communicate and blames me for all the problems in our relationship when he is the one that was unfaithful to me. I was always loving and loyal to him. He doesn’t realize how good he has it and is about to get a rude awakening.
So why haven’t I left?
Love is a strange thing. It brainwashes people into believing that they can earn a person’s love, and the person will change for them. This is what happened to me. By the time I realized what was happening it was too late. I don’t have the money to move out right now so the choices are move in with my mom, get a loan from parents until I get on my feet in August, or suck it up here until August.
I really need some encouragement, Bees. Part of me still loves him and thinks he could change for the better while the other part tells me it is time to move on. I’m scared of being alone for the rest of my life and wonder if this is my only shot of ever having someone. I’m scared, hurt, and have never felt so alone in my life. Please, give me some advice or words of encouragement. Love shouldn’t hurt like this.
Sorry this is so long.