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that's tough. but eventually they will comes to term that their daughter is happy so now we'll be happy. it might take them some time because since you were in a long relationship before, maybe they need to learn to detach themselves from your ex and move on like you did. it just might take longer. just wait it out thats all you can do right now, because bringing it up to them will make you stressed and might make them angry. hoping things get better.
That is definitely tough. But many people get engaged and married without the support of their family, you are not the first and won't be the last. I'm sure some of those people will be able to give you some advice on how to make it work. You are lucky to have such a wonderful man and that is the main thing :)
Thankyou Mantha. That is good advice. It is such a tough situation right now, because I just want to scream from the rooftops how happy we are, but out of respect for them I just keep it to myself.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I worried about this exact thing when I brought my boyfriend home for the first time, I hoped that they would love him just as much as I do. Thankfully that worked out.
It is tough because your family is such a huge part of your life, but you ultimately have to be happy. You seem to have found the person that you want to be with and that is a rare thing and something not everyone gets to have. I think you should just go and do what makes you happy.
Perhaps your boyfriend can go and speak to them? Tell them how he wants to marry you and how he has put plans in place to ensure that you will always be looked after and cared for. Maybe he needs to clearly spell out his intentions and let them know that he will do everything in his power to make sure you are provided for?
Good luck - let us know how you go
Thank you MountainBride, I hadn't given it much consideration that I am probably not the only one going through this. It helps to know I am not alone :)
Cupcakelove...I will mention that idea to him. I know he is willing to do anything to make it better, so maybe talking to them could be a good thing. Thanks for your advice! I reall appreciate all the bee's out there who are so willing to help each other. This is such a great community to belong to!
I have a similar situation, but for different reasons. My family doesn't disapprove of FI (that I know of), but they are very dysfunctional. For instance, when I called my mother to tell her we were going to get married, the first thing she said was, "I don't know how we are going to pay for it!" She said we would have my wedding at my Dad's (Which is completely not an appropriate place). The point is, all I wanted was for her to be happy and excited, and instead, she made me cry by making me feel bad about the costs and telling me I had to have a wedding in a field of mosquitoes! And the story only gets worse from there. I ended up having a small elopement. My friends live out west and couldn't be there, and my family and I aren't talking. It hurts not to have what you want and need.
As far as your situation goes- is finance the only reason they disapprove of Mr. F? If that is the only reason, then at least, in a way, it is a shallow reason. What I mean to say, if that is the only "problem" they see with Mr. F- maybe they will come around. If not? You have to do what is right for you! Hang in there!
@TheQueenFiehn: OMG! This is so incredibly similar to my situation as well. Mr. CB is going back to school, doesn't make as much money as they want, are not what they 'pictured' for me. There have been so many tears shed by me by how my parents are treating me and Mr. CB. We've talked about engagement, but I have asked him to wait to give my parents more time to come around and see how happy we are together. How they have treated me, but him especially is totally appalling. I would never have guessed that they would have done this to anyone. I'm sure you've been just as shocked by your family's behavior.
Since I too am in the throws of all this right how, I can commiserate but offer little advice based on experience of what I have done.
I will say this. I have resolved to marry this man come hell or high water. I don't care if my family never talks to me again. It's been painful to come around to that, but I have made my decision. I suggest you make your decision about your relationship and never look back. I've always been the type to heed my parent's advice, until now. Their rationale is silly and unfounded. As a result, their opinion will not weaken my resolve.
I haven't had this problem, but I see my sister going through it. Her boyfriend is a really nice guy..super sweet, kind, smart, etc. I like him a lot. But he doesn't have a high school diploma, and he has never had a drivers license, and he is 34. He is really perfect for her, however, his shortcoming in the education department are exasperated by the fact that my sister makes terrible decisions. I won't even get into it, but she's kind of a mess. It's interesting also how you talk about not having done anything for yourself when you lived with your family. I think you should take some steps to let them know that you can take care of yourself. Once they come to terms with the fact that you are an adult, and know how to make good decisions, they may be much more accepting of your choice in husband.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It toally sucks!
But, I can tell you since I'm an old bat (LOL) that one thing I've learned in life is you don't usually get the storybook,everything is perfect, everything you ever wanted, type of life. There is always going to be someone or something that does not go the way you've always wanted or dreamed. The good news is, you grow from everything you get hit with and you learn a lot about human nature, who to trust, and who truly loves you unconditionally, as you move through life.
I say embrace the fact that you hae found someone to love, who loves you so much, and try not to worry about others' opinions. I know that it is your parents we;re talking about, but yoyr parents are currenly tnot looking at what you think is beset for you, and you are an adult now. They should accept your decisions, or at the very least, let you know what they think, but certainly not leave you out! That is just immature. Hard to believe someone's parents can act spoiled and immature, but they are. It's just too bad you are suffering because of it.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It toally sucks!
But, I can tell you since I'm an old bat (LOL) that one thing I've learned in life is you don't usually get the storybook,everything is perfect, everything you ever wanted, type of life. There is always going to be someone or something that does not go the way you've always wanted or dreamed. The good news is, you grow from everything you get hit with and you learn a lot about human nature, who to trust, and who truly loves you unconditionally, as you move through life.
I say embrace the fact that you hae found someone to love, who loves you so much, and try not to worry about others' opinions. I know that it is your parents we;re talking about, but yoyr parents are currenly tnot looking at what you think is beset for you, and you are an adult now. They should accept your decisions, or at the very least, let you know what they think, but certainly not leave you out! That is just immature. Hard to believe someone's parents can act spoiled and immature, but they are. It's just too bad you are suffering because of it.
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Mr. F and I have been together for a year now, and are very happy in a loving relationship that is the culmination of 3 long years getting us here. We are carbon copies, and our flaws are perfectly matched in each other. He understands my neurotic behaviors like no one else, and loves and cares for me above all others. So what's the problem you ask...my family.
A little over a year ago I made a big life change and got out of a 4 year committed relationship. I packed my things and moved home from a life in which I was very unhappy. My ex is by no means a bad person, but I had come to the realization that we did not want the same things for our future. He was very work oriented and the idea of a marriage or a family were not things he had given any consideration to even after 4 years together. So I packed my things, took a deep breath, and made a change that has brought me to this wonderful happy place in my life. When I moved home, although my family had accepted my decision they did not completely agree with it. My ex had a good job, made very good money, and as far as they were concerned I was set up for a secure life. I grew up in a wealthy environment where virtually everything was done for me. Although this is a blessing, it has also been a crutch as my family did not prepare me for what the real world was really like. At 18 they turned me loose into the world without any preparation. I had never done laundry, mowed a yard, had my oil changed. I was spoon-fed and has taken me a very long time to become the very independent and self-sufficient person I am today.
Shortly after I moved home my relationship with Mr. F cultivated and we were nearly inseperable from the very beginning. Mr. F told me he loved me with his whole heart (swoon) on our third date, and a month later we signed the lease on our first apartment. Things moved so quickly, but after years of feeling unloved and dissatisfied the true feelings of love and a best friend all in one was so wonderful I felt no reason to hold back. And right in the middle of my love fest I got my first wrench, mom and pop do not approve. Mr. F is in the auto industry and does custom paint and body on cars. He is now at 27 years old deciding to go back to school for his mechanical engineering degree. In mom and dad's eyes, he is a far cry from the previous suitor, and not up to par financially. They don't understand the goodness I see in him, and haven't taken the time to get to know him. It hurts me so bad, because the close relationship I have with my boyfriend has come at the cost of the relationship with my family. They involve me in very little of their lives anymore, and it hurts knowing the decision to essentially disown your own daughter came at the price of her happiness. They are still friendly to me, but do not acknowledge Mr. F's existence as a part of my life.
I am blessed with a man that understands the stress this situation has put on me. And instead of being angry or hurt (which I am sure he is) he spends the majority of the time consoling me, which I might add is a full-time job these days. We are so deeply in love, and know without a doubt that this relationship has been coming for so long. God blessed our broken roads to bring us together. We want to get married, but how can we plan an engagement, a wedding, and a life with a surrounding family that doens't agree with our choices? We want nothing more than to begin planning a wedding for next summer, as soon as we are engaged of course, but how do we combat the defense we get from my side of the road? This should be the happiest time of my life, a time where a daughter calls her mother in tears because of a beautiful ring on her finger, a time in my life where my mother helps me choose a dress, and where my father walks me down the aisle to the man I call my companion, soul mate and best friend. How can I be happy and celebrate those things when no one is happy for me?
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