(Closed) This should be the happiest time of my life…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

that’s tough. but eventually they will comes to term that their daughter is happy so now we’ll be happy. it might take them some time because since you were in a long relationship before, maybe they need to learn to detach themselves from your ex and move on like you did. it just might take longer. just wait it out thats all you can do right now, because bringing it up to them will make you stressed and might make them angry. hoping things get better.

Post # 4
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

That is definitely tough. But many people get engaged and married without the support of their family, you are not the first and won’t be the last. I’m sure some of those people will be able to give you some advice on how to make it work. You are lucky to have such a wonderful man and that is the main thing 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this. I worried about this exact thing when I brought my boyfriend home for the first time, I hoped that they would love him just as much as I do. Thankfully that worked out.

It is tough because your family is such a huge part of your life, but you ultimately have to be happy. You seem to have found the person that you want to be with and that is a rare thing and something not everyone gets to have. I think you should just go and do what makes you happy.

Perhaps your boyfriend can go and speak to them? Tell them how he wants to marry you and how he has put plans in place to ensure that you will always be looked after and cared for. Maybe he needs to clearly spell out his intentions and let them know that he will do everything in his power to make sure you are provided for?

Good luck – let us know how you go

Post # 9
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

your welcome you’ll be fine…just keep us updated!!!

Post # 10
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have a similar situation, but for different reasons.  My family doesn’t disapprove of FI (that I know of), but they are very dysfunctional.  For instance, when I called my mother to tell her we were going to get married, the first thing she said was, “I don’t know how we are going to pay for it!”  She said we would have my wedding at my Dad’s (Which is completely not an appropriate place).  The point is, all I wanted was for her to be happy and excited, and instead, she made me cry by making me feel bad about the costs and telling me I had to have a wedding in a field of mosquitoes!  And the story only gets worse from there.  I ended up having a small elopement.  My friends live out west and couldn’t be there, and my family and I aren’t talking.  It hurts not to have what you want and need.

As far as your situation goes- is finance the only reason they disapprove of Mr. F?  If that is the only reason, then at least, in a way, it is a shallow reason.  What I mean to say, if that is the only “problem” they see with Mr. F- maybe they will come around.  If not?  You have to do what is right for you!  Hang in there!

Post # 11
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

@TheQueenFiehn: OMG! This is so incredibly similar to my situation as well. Mr. CB is going back to school, doesn’t make as much money as they want, are not what they ‘pictured’ for me. There have been so many tears shed by me by how my parents are treating me and Mr. CB. We’ve talked about engagement, but I have asked him to wait to give my parents more time to come around and see how happy we are together. How they have treated me, but him especially is totally appalling. I would never have guessed that they would have done this to anyone. I’m sure you’ve been just as shocked by your family’s behavior.

Since I too am in the throws of all this right how, I can commiserate but offer little advice based on experience of what I have done.

I will say this. I have resolved to marry this man come hell or high water. I don’t care if my family never talks to me again. It’s been painful to come around to that, but I have made my decision. I suggest you make your decision about your relationship and never look back. I’ve always been the type to heed my parent’s advice, until now. Their rationale is silly and unfounded. As a result, their opinion will not weaken my resolve.

Post # 12
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I haven’t had this problem, but I see my sister going through it. Her boyfriend is a really nice guy..super sweet, kind, smart, etc. I like him a lot. But he doesn’t have a high school diploma, and he has never had a drivers license, and he is 34. He is really perfect for her, however, his shortcoming in the education department are exasperated by the fact that my sister makes terrible decisions. I won’t even get into it, but she’s kind of a mess.  It’s interesting also how you talk about not having done anything for yourself when you lived with your family.  I think you should take some steps to let them know that you can take care of yourself. Once they come to terms with the fact that you are an adult, and know how to make good decisions, they may be much more accepting of your choice in husband.  

Post # 13
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It toally sucks!

But, I can tell you since I’m an old bat (LOL) that one thing I’ve learned in life is you don’t usually get the storybook,everything is perfect, everything you ever wanted, type of life. There is always going to be someone or something that does not go the way you’ve always wanted or dreamed. The good news is, you grow from everything you get hit with and you learn a lot about human nature, who to trust, and who truly loves you unconditionally, as you move through life.

I say embrace the fact that you hae found someone to love, who loves you so much, and try not to worry about others’ opinions. I know that  it is your parents we;re talking about, but yoyr parents are currenly tnot looking at what you think is beset for you, and you are an adult now. They should accept your decisions, or at the very least, let you know what they think, but certainly not leave you out! That is just immature. Hard to believe someone’s parents can act spoiled and immature, but they are. It’s just too bad you are suffering because of it.

 

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It toally sucks!

But, I can tell you since I’m an old bat (LOL) that one thing I’ve learned in life is you don’t usually get the storybook,everything is perfect, everything you ever wanted, type of life. There is always going to be someone or something that does not go the way you’ve always wanted or dreamed. The good news is, you grow from everything you get hit with and you learn a lot about human nature, who to trust, and who truly loves you unconditionally, as you move through life.

I say embrace the fact that you hae found someone to love, who loves you so much, and try not to worry about others’ opinions. I know that  it is your parents we;re talking about, but yoyr parents are currenly tnot looking at what you think is beset for you, and you are an adult now. They should accept your decisions, or at the very least, let you know what they think, but certainly not leave you out! That is just immature. Hard to believe someone’s parents can act spoiled and immature, but they are. It’s just too bad you are suffering because of it.

 

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