Post # 1
Ok, so last night, FI and I were laying on the couch before we went to bed. We were talking about how the beginning of our relationship (it always makes me happy!:)) and how we hung out NON STOP (EVERY day, not joking) and talked EVERY day on the phone. Well, we had hung out and stuff, and then one night we slept together (we weren’t “officially” together yet though). Last night he told me that after he left my house that night, he went to the bar with his buddies and then back to his friends house. He went to go to bed on the couch, and this girl came out and laid on him. WTF??? Who just LAYS on someone? I don’t understand. I asked him if they did anything and he said no, she just laid on him. I got so upset!!! I think it upsets me more because it was the first night that we had slept together, and this girl STILL contacts him. He had hung out with her quite a bit before, but he says they had never done anything. She still will call him and text him and stuff, and he texts her back. I am so upset!!! I told him that he can’t see her, or talk to her, or call her, or text her or anything. I don’t know why this is bugging me so much. I have always thought for sure that she had feelings for him, and I wondered if he did for her.
Anyways. I’m upset, I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. Help!
Post # 3
I think I’d be upset too. Its not even an issue of insecurity or distrust, but more so about respect for your relationship. But, there really isn’t much recourse past what you’ve done. If you’ve told him you’re uncomfortable with the continuing the relationship, I’d leave it alone. You don’t want this to be a reoccuring issue.
Post # 4
I think it’s legitimate to be a little upset about this…I would be!
I think the fact that he was honest about it means he doesn’t have feelings for her.You just need to work through and decide whether it’s a big deal that needs to be worked through. At the least you should agree on boundaries for both of you with the opposite sex now that you’re engaged.
then you should try to let it go…the feelings will likely gradually go away, and it’s not healthy to be bitter about something that happened in the past.
But I understand this is a difficult thing and it’s legitimate to be a little bit bothered!
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I’d definitely be upset too, but just try to keep in mind that it’s in the past and you can’t change it now. I would talk to him about how it makes you feel and let him know that you’re uncomfortable with him contacting her. I don’t think you should necessarily say he “can’t” contact her, because that may upset him and he may see that as you trying to control him.
Just be honest with him about your feelings and hopefully he’ll understand and agree to distance himself from her.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I don’t have any advice because I’d be angry, too, and I’d feel like I was being irrational about my anger (which it sounds like you also feel, based on the title of this thread). So I don’t know if the anger is irrational or not, but you’re far from the only one who would feel that way. Whether this girl is a legitimate threat or not, he just put her in the threatening category by telling you that.
Post # 7
I would be upset also. I don’t know what to say because I think that I would lose my mind! **Thinking strong thoughts for you!**
Post # 8
Yes, you feel that you should not be upset, but you are…that’s ok 🙂 Take a deep breath. What’s making you feel upset? Have you felt this way before? What were the reasons? Men can have platonic relationships with women, regardless of whether or not said women have walked over and laid on top of them (a little odd, but it was probably just attention seeking). Take some time to think about what it making you upset in this situation. Allow yourself to be upset for a few minutes, then take a step back and think about it. Most importantly, talk to him about it. Openly, without judgement. It sounds like he loves you dearly, despite keeping up a friendship with this woman, but it may help to get some more information on why they are friends and the nature of their friendship. It can be very upsetting to find out something like this, but if it is upsetting you, it is best to calmly collect the information you need to really figure out how you feel about the situation. Then proceed accodingly. Good luck, I’m sure it will be fine 🙂
Post # 9
How strange! I’d never go lay on someone’s man! However, I went to a school where I saw this happen a lot–women just wanting attention and being promiscuous and ridiculous drunky types….guys are typically not okay with this behavior, but for some reason have issues just saying, “drunk bia, get off me!” But yeah, I’d be ticked too!
Post # 10
I’d be pretty upset, too. It happened to me before. I always wonder how HARD is it for the guy to just push the girl away and say “stop it”. I’d be annoyed with her lack of respect of your relationship: seek attention else where! 😛 But I agree with pp that at this point, it is in the past and just focus on what you have now. Make sure that girl doesn’t circle around your SO too much. 😛
Post # 11
Honestly I’m not sure why you’re upset about the fact some random girl who was probably drunk laid on top of him before you were even dating. To me that’s not a big deal.
However, I can understand not wanting your significant other whom you are now obviously in a serious relationship with to be receiving texts and whatever from another female. That’s not ok, and the fact that she’s the same skank who once laid on top of him only serves to reinforce how inappropriate this is.
Post # 12
I think this would bug me too. I agree with PP though, that you should let your FH know that you are uncomfortable with further contact with this girl and try to work through your feelings so there isn’t any resentment later on.
Post # 13
I’d be upset. He needs to stop contact with her.
Post # 14
I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling the way you do.
But I want to offer a different perspective. I would not be upset.
Partly that’s because I’ve been part of groups where we all laid about in puppy piles. I might be laying on five different people at once with someone’s head on me but trust me I wasn’t romantically interested in anyone except one person. It’s just the human contact that feels good in safe situations. People have very different relationships to human touch and when it is appropriate to hug someone and what it means. That’s also true for something like laying on someone.
So I guess I’m saying she might not have meant anything by it, might have forgotten it ever happened (probably didn’t know the two of you were dating) and there’s a good change their friendship is entirely innocent.
Post # 15
I might be upset a bit as well…though also realizing I shouldn’t be since he didn’t do anything wrong.
But I think it’s out of line for you to ban him from any contact with her. Being in a relationship doesn’t exclude someone from friendships with the opposite sex and having an odd (though not necessarily inappropriate) encounter that he didn’t even initiate with a female friend before the two of you were even dating, doesn’t violate any sort of trust.
I think it is reasonable for you to make your discomfort known to your FI and work WITH him to figure out a way for you both to be happy and comfortable with any friendship he has with her, but to ban him any contact is being controlling. (If there was any inappropriate relationship between them when you were a couple, then a cease of contact would be warranted).
Post # 16
She appears to be a desperate attention seeking flirt. One of those that just throws herself (literally) on men. I would put this behind you but insist he stop contact with her. She clearly has no respect for your relationship and who knows what else she may do in desperation.