Post # 32
- Wedding: San Francisco City Hall
I didn’t get beyond the cheating. I am Christian and sought individual counseling at church during my first marriage where they told me that infidelity was grounds for divorce. Your DH has REPEATEDLY disrespected you and continues to cheat on you. It must be so disheartening to be going through life with such an awful scumbag and you deserve more. I can’t imagine how you have held on for 8 years.
Time to divorce, set yourself free!
ETA: I was also 24 when the divorce from my first marriage was finalized. I literally cried tears of joy that day. It was such an amazing feeling to be free, to have another chance to live my life to the fullest. I am now happily re-married and pregnant with my first child. 24 is young! Don’t stress about letting go of garbage. This isn’t a failure but lesson learned.
Post # 33
I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you did your best to encourage him and save your marriage. Unfortunately you can’t force someone to care if they don’t care. You can only control your own actions. So now you have the choice to either:
1) Accept that he’ll never change. And if you choose to remain married to him that means you will continuously be disrespected and caring for a man child. And having kids with him will be hard because you will be like a single mom because he is unreliable and unsupportive… And that your kids will think his actions are acceptable and may follow his lead in what they expect in a relationship. Or,
2) Move on with your life even if that means leaving him. Having to find a better life partner who can share the responsibilities as a spouse and can treat you with respect.
I really hate suggesting divorce as I think divorce should be the last resort. However I seen what happened to marriages and family with someone who clearly does not care for anyone but themselves. And it really is sad and I sympathize the spouse who has to work 200% harder to support their family just because the other one doesn’t care. Frankly they seem more ashamed, embarrassed and disappointed about their spouse.
So should you go the route of divorcing I don’t think you have anything to be embarrassed or ashamed about. You did your best to save your marriage. You took your marriage vows seriously. It’s just a shame that he wouldn’t do the same.
Post # 33
You work too hard to be this unhappy!
You deserve more than this. Yes being divorced young is not ideal, however it is better than a life of resentment.
Post # 34
This guy isn’t worth your time. I can’t get over the fact that at 22 he started dating you as a 16 year old. NO man worth his salt would pursue a minor like that. This is not a healthy marriage. It’s time to move on.
Post # 36
You have wasted enough time with him. I think it says quite a bit when a 22 year old is dating a 16 year old. He isn’t going to grow up.
Post # 37
Thank you guys. After writing that post all out I read it several times and the answer seemed pretty clear after I reflected so long. Then your messages made it VERY clear.
I haven’t talked to him since Sunday and we will be meeting with our Pastors tonight to go over the moving forward plan. I told them I don’t want to continue a relationship with him but I NEED him to step up and get our debt knocked out. We have debt and we are behind on bills. I have started putting items up for sale… his $500 bicycle he begged for and never rode, the 70 inch TV he thought we needed, furniture, etc. And for once… I REALLY don’t care what he has to say about it or the tantrum that is to come.
Our pastors are supporting my decision and completely agree with me at this point. I feel good.. I know I’m probably in for some CRAZY waves of emotions and obstacles, but for the first time in a long time I feel like I can at least see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Post # 38
sophieg123 : will remember you in prayers. Read sermon on the mount n reflect on the Beatitudes. Hugs xx
Post # 39
He’s a pathological liar, that’s what it means when he lies about things that literally don’t matter, like what he had for lunch. Please be strong and get out before you wind up so far in debt that there’s no way out.