Post # 1
I am anxiously waiting to TTC. My husband and I talk about babies everyday and are very much emotionally ready for them. The ONLY thing holding us off is wanting to be in a situation where he can be a stay at home dad from day one of birth, that’s it.
so when the comment is made at work: “Miss Joker better not be thinking of babies anytime soon!”
it really is starting to bother me, and make me sad.
*i KNOW that this comment made to me was kind of a joke, that it was really a “Miss Joker better not get pregnant anytime soon and no longer have full 100% focus on work because kids are now involved because she is such an asset that we cannot lose her for a few months” kind of way.
but why couldn’t you just say that?
I know that this is all rooted in my head, and it is just my emotions playing with me. But i have such bad baby fever and would love to start a family with my husband right now. And there is no way my superior at work who made that comment would know that, and really she is just hoping My Dh and i wait until she is done having kids(i am 15 yrs younger) (so she can cover my job while i am on maternity leave).
But still, it sucks.
Anywho, my mini vent is over. I can only imagine how those who are actually TTCing and struggling to conceive feel when comments about not having kids yet effects them. I imagine so so so much more. I guess i should just buckle down, this is probably only the very beginning of these types of feeligs.
How do you handle these comments?
Post # 3
@Miss Joker: I have dealt with something similar. I am in graduate school, done with coursework. My schedule has never been so flexible and never will be again, pretty much a perfect tme to be pregnant or have a little one, in many ways. However, my graduate school advisor (my boss) doesn’t seem to feel that way, or rather she waited until after she finished her PhD to start having kids. So I guess she expects me to live my life exactly as she has lived hers. She has gone so far as to make comments like “don’t get any ideas!” if we’re talking about a mutual acquaintance who announced a pregnancy.
I struggled for a few months about how to deal with this. I cried to my husband about it. I felt so hurt that she didn’t think I could finish school and start a family at the same time. Like I’m not smart enough or hard-working enough. Not to mention, I felt pretty pissed off that this woman who is supposedly a feminist doesn’t believe I have a choice about when I can start a family.
My husband has been ready for a kid for about 5 years and he always said it was up to me to decide when we try. I’m just not waiting anymore. We’re ready. As my husband says, “you can’t let others decide on when/how your family takes shape. It’s too important and too personal.”
This week, I found out that my very close coworker is also TTC. So excited for her! And so excited for me that I might not being going through this alone.
Good luck on your path.
Post # 4
@kenziemt: thank you, i really appreciate your response. I wish you the best of luck TTC!
Post # 5
My boss used to say that!
“You can’t get pregnant–we don’t have anyone for your room!”
As opposed to
“Your room is completely batshit insane, don’t go until we have someone trained to take it over!”
It blows! I’m sorry they can’t just compliment you!
Post # 6
It is frustrating. Starting a family is such a personal thing, people should just keep their opinions to themselves. It’s also hurtful to hear “you shouldn’t be a parent” when you badly want to be. It’s unnecessary and it’s really a downer to hear.
Post # 7
@Miss Joker: aww, I totally understand where you’re coming from. We’re in a very similar situation, except that we’re already TTC. I’m by far the breadwinner, so there’s no question that I’d be going back to work, but the goal is to have my husband scale back to part time.
I hear the same comments at work too, especially in the past few weeks as I start gearing up to take over a management position. I wish I had some advice, because I could use some too! As long as your supervisors are supportive, try not to let those sort of comments tear you down. And if things do get bad, there are laws out there protecting pregnant women in the workplace. Might be time for a chat with HR, in that case.