Those 'don't wait too long' comments

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I worked with a woman who liked so say “I considered popping out some kids in my early 20s, but living off of Welfare didn’t really appeal to me.” And she’d shrug totally casually.

And no one EVER brought it up with her twice!

Post # 6
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just ask your mom to stop saying it. Setting boundaries = healthy.

Post # 7
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’m 30 next month and my Mum keeps saying the opposite… “don’t have kids yet, put your career first”. She doesn’t seem to get that I don’t want to wait too long for obvious reasons, and that my career trajectory has been far from stellar so far. To be honest, I’m seriously considering that I might be more socially useful within the wider world by managing a house and spending my time working for free for a charitable or political foundation. But then… I can’t quite give up yet, I guess…

Post # 8
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Other peoples’ timelines are super unhelpful. My wise 22 year old pregnant cousin telling me that everyone she knows had kids in their early 20’s and I had better hurry up (at 29). My rude-ish retort being that I don’t know anyone who had kids that early, *shrug* maybe because everyone I know went to college.

Post # 9
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I JUST got this from my dad the other day. I’m 31 (which he also pointed out) and all I seem to hear about are the negatives of waiting to have children. What about the positives? I’m proud of myself for accomplishing certain things in life before getting married and trying for children. How is that a bad thing? So frustrating.

Post # 10
2504 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

OMG I was talking to a friend of my brother’s at a party who had her first kid at 19, then another a few years later. She must be about 26 or 27 by now (I’m 31 and we just started trying, but actually hadn’t yet when I was talking to her). Anyways, she was telling me all about how awesome having kids is and how I need to hurry up and what are we waiting for? The best was “I don’t even know what I did before I had kids!” And I was thinking- you went to high school, DUH. I LOVED my twenties and had a blast going to college, studying abroad, traveling, working at summer camps, skiing a ton, doing sweet outdoor adventures with friends, meeting and dating and falling in love with my husband. I kinda wanted to laugh in her face when she said that, but I was nice and just chugged my cocktail.

Anyways, not that it’s ANY of ANYONE’S business, but if you want to you can always say, “We’ll probably start trying in about 2 years.” That way they have a bit of a timeline and know not to get their hopes up, and if they ask again, you can firmly state, “I already told you, we’ll be trying in two years. And this is the last I care to discuss it.” 

Post # 11
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MsGinkgo:  We are finally getting those comments.  We’re getting married in November and I turn 30 in December.  The funny part is that people our parents’ age warn us not to wait too long but friends our age who have kids tell us to wait a few more years so we can enjoy being married first.  I keep reminding the moms that the longest we’re waiting is until I turn 35 so they only have to wait a maximum of 5 years for a grandchild.

Post # 12
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MsGinkgo:  I know exactly how you feel except we get opposite opinions from our two families which makes things even more frustrating – his side has been on at us to have kids for the past few years (even before we got married) but my side has been telling me to get my career organised before we even think about having kids. The worst part about the whole thing is that we have been together for nearly 10 years and have been having UPS for at least 5 of that with the mentality “if it happens it happens” and it hasn’t. I have PCOS and obviously his is causing a barrier to our concieving. My family knows I have this condition but I still wonder if they would be happy if I got pregnant tomorrow.

Post # 13
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MsGinkgo:  i am 32 and FI is 35.  i totally get it.  i told my mom she could not drive me crazy asking me every day if i was pregnant yet.  i told her we are going to start trying right after the wedding and it will cause me more stress if she is making me stressed. 

as for strangers.  i think they mean well.  some just don’t know what to say and don’t think before they open their mouths.  don’t let it bother you.


Post # 14
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I feel your pain!

I switched doctors because mine gave me that speech, completely unsolicited (I was actually there for birth control every time), every year starting when I was around 25, I’m 30 now.

I have always wanted to have kids and already have my own issues around patience and all that. I am trying to be patient and do things right but thanks to her she really messed me up and now I have a fairly significant complex about it.

I already feel like we are behind and its unlikely we will be able to conceive because its “too late”. I know this isn’t necessarily the case and try to manage the panic with reason but its still there. We are getting married in August.

Post # 15
4139 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I talked to my doctor about this, as I was getting that speech often. She scoffed and plainly informed me that I don’t have to worry until I’m well into my 30’s. We have family members that had babies in their late 30’s without incident. I don’t buy this ticking time bomb BS. I think the people that involve themselves in other peoples childbearing plans by way of comments etc are some of the rudest people out there. 

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