Post # 1
I’m 30, FH is 31. We’re getting married in May. I am SO sick of people saying with that tone – ‘don’t wait too long to start a family’. My mother is the worst. It drives me nuts – I’m fully aware of how old I am, I’m already concerned/stressed/worried that we’ll have trouble TTC when we’re ready to (which, for the record, will be within 18 months of the wedding). It just drives me crazy that people – even random strangers – feel they have the right to comment on the fact that we don’t yet have children. It’s not like we’re that unusual these days…
Post # 3
I worked with a woman who liked so say “I considered popping out some kids in my early 20s, but living off of Welfare didn’t really appeal to me.” And she’d shrug totally casually.
And no one EVER brought it up with her twice!
Post # 4
@BrandNewBride: HILARIOUS I love that! Not sure it would go over so well with my mom but random strangers…I could totally say that.
Post # 5
@BrandNewBride: LOL! That’s a good one. She should totally use that one.
Post # 6
Just ask your mom to stop saying it. Setting boundaries = healthy.
Post # 7
I’m 30 next month and my Mum keeps saying the opposite… “don’t have kids yet, put your career first”. She doesn’t seem to get that I don’t want to wait too long for obvious reasons, and that my career trajectory has been far from stellar so far. To be honest, I’m seriously considering that I might be more socially useful within the wider world by managing a house and spending my time working for free for a charitable or political foundation. But then… I can’t quite give up yet, I guess…
Post # 8
Other peoples’ timelines are super unhelpful. My wise 22 year old pregnant cousin telling me that everyone she knows had kids in their early 20’s and I had better hurry up (at 29). My rude-ish retort being that I don’t know anyone who had kids that early, *shrug* maybe because everyone I know went to college.
Post # 9
I JUST got this from my dad the other day. I’m 31 (which he also pointed out) and all I seem to hear about are the negatives of waiting to have children. What about the positives? I’m proud of myself for accomplishing certain things in life before getting married and trying for children. How is that a bad thing? So frustrating.
Post # 10
OMG I was talking to a friend of my brother’s at a party who had her first kid at 19, then another a few years later. She must be about 26 or 27 by now (I’m 31 and we just started trying, but actually hadn’t yet when I was talking to her). Anyways, she was telling me all about how awesome having kids is and how I need to hurry up and what are we waiting for? The best was “I don’t even know what I did before I had kids!” And I was thinking- you went to high school, DUH. I LOVED my twenties and had a blast going to college, studying abroad, traveling, working at summer camps, skiing a ton, doing sweet outdoor adventures with friends, meeting and dating and falling in love with my husband. I kinda wanted to laugh in her face when she said that, but I was nice and just chugged my cocktail.
Anyways, not that it’s ANY of ANYONE’S business, but if you want to you can always say, “We’ll probably start trying in about 2 years.” That way they have a bit of a timeline and know not to get their hopes up, and if they ask again, you can firmly state, “I already told you, we’ll be trying in two years. And this is the last I care to discuss it.”
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MsGinkgo: We are finally getting those comments. We’re getting married in November and I turn 30 in December. The funny part is that people our parents’ age warn us not to wait too long but friends our age who have kids tell us to wait a few more years so we can enjoy being married first. I keep reminding the moms that the longest we’re waiting is until I turn 35 so they only have to wait a maximum of 5 years for a grandchild.
Post # 12
@MsGinkgo: I know exactly how you feel except we get opposite opinions from our two families which makes things even more frustrating – his side has been on at us to have kids for the past few years (even before we got married) but my side has been telling me to get my career organised before we even think about having kids. The worst part about the whole thing is that we have been together for nearly 10 years and have been having UPS for at least 5 of that with the mentality “if it happens it happens” and it hasn’t. I have PCOS and obviously his is causing a barrier to our concieving. My family knows I have this condition but I still wonder if they would be happy if I got pregnant tomorrow.
Post # 13
@MsGinkgo: i am 32 and FI is 35. i totally get it. i told my mom she could not drive me crazy asking me every day if i was pregnant yet. i told her we are going to start trying right after the wedding and it will cause me more stress if she is making me stressed.
as for strangers. i think they mean well. some just don’t know what to say and don’t think before they open their mouths. don’t let it bother you.
Post # 14
I feel your pain!
I switched doctors because mine gave me that speech, completely unsolicited (I was actually there for birth control every time), every year starting when I was around 25, I’m 30 now.
I have always wanted to have kids and already have my own issues around patience and all that. I am trying to be patient and do things right but thanks to her she really messed me up and now I have a fairly significant complex about it.
I already feel like we are behind and its unlikely we will be able to conceive because its “too late”. I know this isn’t necessarily the case and try to manage the panic with reason but its still there. We are getting married in August.
Post # 15
I talked to my doctor about this, as I was getting that speech often. She scoffed and plainly informed me that I don’t have to worry until I’m well into my 30’s. We have family members that had babies in their late 30’s without incident. I don’t buy this ticking time bomb BS. I think the people that involve themselves in other peoples childbearing plans by way of comments etc are some of the rudest people out there.
Post # 16
@crayfish: Boundaries are not something my mom understands. She’s pretty good with me because she knows I don’t put up with it (and I have asked her to stope) but she drives my sister insane because she’s a pushover.
@beachbride1216: FH’s parents have 2 grandkids and my parents have 1, so it’s not like they’re itching for grandkids.
@Vsmart: You sound a lot like me. I’ve had doctors give me the unsolicited advice as well. My GP back home started trying to get me on folic acid as soon as I turned 21. (apparently in Newfoundland Folate Deficiency is a big problem….)