- 6 years ago
How do you handle? Boyfriend and I have been together four years later this year. I was in college the first year-and-a-half that we were together, and he graduated shortly before we started dating. So…we’re a bit older than many of the couples that I see here.
I honestly don’t think he’ll ever propose. I hate that I feel like I have to badger him – please note we’ve had several calm discussions that never go anywhere. So I have been saying, “We should go get my ring size.” He agrees – then either pulls the “I’m going to pretend we didn’t make plans, so I won’t mention it until she mentions it” routine when it’s the day we planned to get sized or whatever, or he seems to be reluctantly dragging himself to the door.
He talks about getting married all the time – of his own volition. But when push comes to shove (and maybe that’s what I really should be doing :D)…nothing. He acts like he’d rather be shot than ever have to propose.
I think his family plays a role: He’s worried about what they’ll think if we don’t marry in a church/don’t get married by a pastor/choose not to have a wedding at all. That’s not helping us, and I can’t give him the whole, “You are a grown man” talk because he’s desperately afraid of disappointing them. Not cool. Neither of us want a wedding but he’s caving to invisible pressure.
i’m getting at my wit’s end. I don’t even enjoy our relationship anymore at this point. I have my own life – my own job, money, interests, hobbies, friends, family outside of him. But when I’m around him, it’s becoming more and more of a reminder that he hasn’t proposed, we’re not making any steps toward our future, etc.
He got preapproved for a mortgage months ago but just sits on that information. He’s been “Looking” for a house for 6+ months. Originally we planned to move out before our apartment lease ends in August, but that’s out now. He’s wanting to go month-to-month here, which will drastically increase our rent.
I think I get more angry that he tries to act like he’s making progress, or at least make it appear that way (“We’ll go month to month on our lease because we’re going to find a house very soon!”) when in reality, I think he has no intention of ever moving beyond the ‘look at houses online’ step.
I think he feels that, since he’s pushing 30, he’s SUPPOSED to be getting a house, supposed to be getting a wife, etc. But deep down, I really don’t think he wants to. So, he goes halfway about it: keeps up the appearance of doing both, but actually does nothing to get there. That’s what makes me so furious.
My best friend told me he’d bet his LIFE SAVINGS on my boyfriend never proposing to me. That stung, but I think he’s right. I’ve mentioned sticking out the last few months to see if boyfriend will propose on our four-year anniversary. Best friend laughed and said, “You know that we’ll both be having this same conversation again in 3 or 4 months.” Sadly, he’s probably right.
Am I an idiot? Is there such a thing as a procrastinating boyfriend…or do they just procrastinate because they’re just not that into you? Wouldn’t even the guy who procrastinates a lot be eager to propose to his girlfriend because it’s a POSITIVE step for him?