Post # 1
So, you read the title correctly. I’ll give a little background on my situation…I am 26 and weigh over 300 lbs. For the past 2 years, I have been trying to lose weight but have only managed to lose 25. I know it’s something, but not in a 2 year time frame. I have been with Fiance for 2 and a half years now, he proposed to me in August of this year and we set our wedding a year and a half out.
2 years ago, when I began to change my diet and exercise, I was diagnosed with a very rare bone disease that causes severe pain in my legs…it got so bad that I was bedridden for 6 months on disability. There is no cure for the disease and most doctors don’t know what causes it. Because of my disease, I have to take routine MRIs. I found out 5 months ago that I also have spinal stinosis, which causes pain in my back and caused nerve damage so that part of my right leg is numb. I also found out that I have cysts on my ovaries.
Well, I was taking a medication weekly to help control the pain in my legs. It seemed to be doing it’s job for the most part, too. I turned 26 in September and with that came the cancellation of my health insurance. Before it got canceled, I emailed my dr about a 3 month supply of my meds, but she never prescribed it. To buy them without insurance would cost me almost 2 grand. I just started a new job and my health ins doesn’t go into effect until the end of January.
Anyway, ever since I was forced to stop taking the meds, the pain has grown increasingly severe to the point that I cry every single night. I went to the gym tonight with my Fiance for the first time in almost 2 years. I had to stop after 10 minutes because my legs and back couldn’t take anymore. (I was on a recumbent bike) I was devastated to think that all this pain could not only hinder me from losing weight, but last the rest of my life. I went back to the apartment, sobbing, and told Fiance to finish his workout. I was literally at my breaking point, ready to end it all. Fiance came home to me lying on the bed in a towel after a shower, not caring about anything.
He heard me say that I wanted to die and all he could do was stand there and cry and tell me that I’m strong and I’ll get through it. I don’t know if I will but I don’t think I want to die. I just have no hope for the future anymore…whats a girl to do when it feels like all the cards are stacked against her?
Post # 3
I am sorry you are in pain, I am sorry you have to wait until January until the health insurance kicks in.
But I really think that you need more professional support than that of internet strangers, considering you are having serious thoughts of harming yourself.
Please, please, speak to a professional.
Post # 4
I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a real hug. =,( You’re so strong for dealing with all of thi. Just keep hanging in there the end of January will be here before you know it! Try and take it slow until then. I hope things get better for you, I’m here if you ever just need to talk or vent!
Post # 5
Thanks ladies. I should also mention that I’m on Prednisone, which seems to altar my mood drastically and quickly. But I was seeing a therapist when I had insurance and will continue to see her once my insurance starts up again…
Post # 6
Im so sorry to hear of your pain. Please don’t give up. You seem like a very strong person to me. I dont know what your faith is, but they say that God doesn’t give us what we can’t handle. I believe it’s totally true. Whenever I feel like my problems are out of my control, I remind myself that I’m going through this for a reason. I may not understand why at the moment but when I make it though I will. Yeah the things we go through sucks a lot sometimes. And there are times we want to give up (never admitted to anyone, but I wanted to a few times myself), but somehow we all make it through. I went through periods where I just didn’t want to be around anymore. But I stayed around and I’m very glad I did. There is so much to look forward to in life. one time I was driving in the car through a horrible storm. Scared that we were gonna crash. We couldn’t see what was ahead of us. But we kept moving. Eventually the rain stopped and I saw the biggest rainbow right over me. I was going through a rough period at the time and that really helped me. Its like when we go through our “storms” in life. Just keep pushing forward even if you can’t see an end to it. You will make it through stronger and get your “rainbow”. You will make it through. And just think, years down the line you might meet someone that could need your words of encouragement to get them through their storms. Stay strong, and your rainbow will come!
Post # 7
“This too shall pass”, I hope you get better 🙂
As far as the weight/disease thing, have you heard of Bickram yoga? It’s like doing yoga in a sauna. It is pretty intense, but its not like going to the gym. It will help flush toxins from your body and help with body fat.
Hang in there girl 🙂
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you’re going through this girl.
I’m sending many hugs your way but please keep your chin up. Life is sh*tty sometimes but it’ll get better, keep strong.
Post # 9
Please Please Please, if you are considering harming yourself contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline. 1-800-273-8255
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way I wish I could reach out and ((HUG)) you and tell you that you matter.
Post # 10
Please please please contact a hotline, and there should be free counselling somewhere near you. *Big hugs* Just remember you will always always have your Fiance there to support you in difficult times, and of course the bees, but your Fiance first and foremost 🙂
Post # 11
I am so sorry you are going thru this and are feeling this way please call a hotline and talk to someone until you can see your therapist again.
Have you tried doing more joint friendly excercise like swimming, it would probably be more comfortable for you and is a great work out for the entire body and it is really relaxing, and then maybe after you have lost some more weight that way you and theres less pressure on your joints and back you can try other forms of excercise.
But go you for loosing 25 pounds tho! thats amazing!
I hope you feel better and get help for how you are feeling the Bees are always here too! big hugs and support. xx
Post # 12
Things will get better, please don’t hurt yourself =(
I read a quote today I think you may relate to- rock bottom was the solid foundation on which I built my new life. I know this isn’t ‘rock bottom’ (although I bet it feels that way), you have your FH! He loves you! Love is an amazing thing in itself. If you were to kill yourself, you’d never know the great things your future may bring.
Once you have health insurance, you can be pain free again and then you can exercise more (which releases endorphins to make you happy)! One day you’ll look back and think ‘that was a crappy time, but things are so much better now’. Please, please don’t hurt yourself =(
Post # 13
Do not give up! There are many clinics where people like you without insurance can continue to get help. Worst case scenario, you would probably qualify for your state’s health insurance and disability of some sort. Lots of people are in spots just as bad if not worse than you are in. And it is never hopeless. Never. Without knowing the specifics of where you live etc, we can’t help you further. But we all really hope you keep fighting the good fight. And someday, hopefully soon, your life won’t feel like an uphill battle. As they say, when you feel so low, there’s only one way to go and that’s up. ::hugs::
Post # 14
Hi i know i’m new to the boards but i know chronic pain can be absolutely devastating, a close friend of mine has corda aquina (prolly spelt that wrong) and she goes through similar pain and its absolutely horrible and i absolutely admire you guys for being able to get through the pain. Please know that you will get through this and don’t do anything drastic *hugs*
Post # 15
As others have said, calling a suicode line could be the best thing you can do for yourself right now! Please get some help! And please consider that in a couple of months when you have insurance it will get better! Ask yourself: if I didn’t feel the way I do, if I had medication. For my pain, would I still want to die? If the answer is no, then remember that suicide is a permenant solution to your temporarily unmanageable pain! you can do this!
Post # 16
I sent you a PM. ((hugs))