Post # 1
Anyone else feel like what’s the point in getting excited during planning when there is always something to bring it down?
I guess I just imagined it differently.. I could elaborate but why bore anyone. If the thought crosses your mind about "everything being a mistake"; does that mean it truely is?
Lost in New Jersey*
Post # 3
I can say that I have had second thoughts about things, but I’m not sure what you mean about "everything being a mistake"…
I’m sorry wedding planning hasn’t been all you imagined. But as long as your groom is, I guess that is what really matters!
Post # 4
Do you mean the wedding and all of the related hoop-la being a mistake, or getting married itself?
If it’s just the wedding business, then I definitely hear ya. I’m still hoping that one of these days my fiance will wake up and magically want to go to city hall.
If it’s actually getting married that feels like a mistake, you should definitely take some time to think that over. It could just be nerves, but it never hurts to take a closer look at what’s going on with you.
Post # 5
It’s not just the wedding planning. I feel like everytime i get excited over a new obstacle i’ve tackled.. my other half puts a damper on it.
Today, my mother and I found the perfect mother of the bride dress. Needless to say my excited went on a scale from 1-10.. from a 10 to a negative 10 after tryin to talk to the fiance.
That’s just one of the scenarios. Tons of money is invested… and i feel like im sitting here alone. (funny to feel that way, being we just moved in together may 1st).
As I sit here and type.. he snores on the couch.. n mutters "why did you even come home?"
Am I missing something here?
Post # 6
Awww…I’m sorry it’s going that way. Have you talked to him about how his comments make you feel?
My fiance likes to think he has ultimate veto power..which has definitely rained on my parade a few times. But I explained to him how much it bothered me…and he has been better.
Moving in together can be a big adjustment too. Try to just take it a day at a time…
Sorry you’re going through this!
Post # 7
Thanks August.. I just can’t bare another night.. crying myself to sleep while he lays next to me like everything is "fine".
I think i’m getting overwhelmed with doubts. I don’t like particular family members that tend to still cause problems in our lives, he doesn’t do anything around the apartment (even bitches if i dont wash the dishes right away, as if they would ever sit there longer then a couple hours), wants no part of wedding plans, and every night since we’ve moved in together he has had his friends here partying.
I’m starting to think he is using me to enjoy his lifestyle instead of blending ours together..
I guess another factor that has my mind going crazy is.. everytime i see my mother; she asks me if I am ok, if i’m ready to come home.
That’s not normal, right?
Does everyone else see failure or am I being paranoid?
So many questions, and I’m afraid only i have the answers
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s definitely my inclination to go "something’s wrong here". I think it’s normal for a guy to want to go through his single phase (just in the hangin with the bros sense 🙂 ), but when he’s taking it to an extent that’s earnestly hurting you, that’s out of line. More so since you guys are living together-I think once you live with one another some sacrifice and concern should be had on *both* parts to, as you said, blend your lives together.
I know this isn’t very helpful, but I would definitely suggest trying to bring this up with him. Hopefully he’ll be receptive! Maybe premarital counseling is a good idea as well (though it sounds like he might not be very open to that if he thinks nothing’s wrong :/ ).
Good luck and you’re in my prayers!!
Post # 9
Sorry to hear things are so difficult. We moved in together several years ago, and it was a rough adjustment. I do think you need to address the housework and lifestyle issues. It bothers me that he’s not helping *and* he’s yelling at you to do more work. It’s like pulling teeth to get FI to do certain chores, but it’s b/c he doesn’t care if they get done…not b/c he thinks it’s my responsibility. And the partying would drive me batty…esp. b/c I’m guessing you thought living together would help you build intimacy and give you more alone time.
I suspect that he’s having a really strong reaction to losing his freedom/bachelorhood/what have you. In a funny way this started for fizicsGuy when we started dating. Though he’d had several long term relationships, I guess he never took them seriously. And then we were LD and spending tons of time travelling to see each other or on the phone. It was obviously his choice to this, but after a few months he flipped out. He even point blank blamed me for taking him away from his friends. It felt awful, but we did work past it. Sounds like your FI is avoiding dealing with the reality of what having a partner in life means. And if he’s got a bunch of friends who can come over every night, maybe it’s harder b/c he doesn’t have role models or friends in a similar siutaiton.
Definitely talk to him about this. It can be helpful to set housework schedules and to set up a date night. Good luck and keep us posted!
Post # 10
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! This is just my advice, but it sounds like you could really use a step back to look at the situation. Have you thought about trying therapy? Both for just yourself and maybe you and him as a couple. This just doesn’t sound right… it shouldn’t be like this. Every couple goes through hard times, but it sounds like you just aren’t on the same page at the moment.
Your mom might be picking up on your unhappiness. I do hope you find someone you can trust to talk to, and I really hope you can work it out! A partnership should be making *both* of you happy… not just him.
Post # 11
Thanks for all your kind words and support. It helps getting adviced from people that aren’t in my everyday life.
I woke up at 6 am puking my brains… probably just nerves and stress. He wasn’t very helpful.. actually i was interupting his sleep… so i went on the couch. go figure.
I don’t believe he would be interested in therapy or any marriage counseling. He gets angry if i even discuss issues with anyone in my life. (I even took my avater off my profile so no one would exactly know me) Pathetic eh?
Chatted briefly over the phone while he was at work.. didn’t go to well. Supposedly we are having a sit down when he gets home. I don’t thnk it is going to go well. I also found a little peice of paper with a girls name and address on it that said "i’ll miss you, don’t forget me". I never said anything until this morning. I don’t believe he has ever cheated.. but why even put that thought in my mind.
We’ve been together 3 years.. and i love his friends dearly. They are always complimenting us and saying they hope one day they can find what we have. I never tell him he can’t go out .. he normally choose not to unless i am there. I don’t get the whole "i’m losing my manhood" thing. I’m not the crazy care that thinks we should sit on the couch and just be us. Like fizics said.. i guess i just thought having our own place would bring us closer on so many different levels.. but i feel more alone then ever.
Still ever so lost in New Jersey*
Post # 12
First of all (((HUGS)))! Everytime I read one of your posts I am starting to think there is more going on in his mind/world than just adjusting to moving in together and losing his “freedom”.
It very well could be those things and he just doesn’t know how to express his feelings or deal with them but even if it is that, being out right rude and disrespectful is never okay and he needs to know that.
I think it’s good that you are sitting down tonight to have a talk. It sounds like you both may have some things to say to each other. I really hope it all works out in the end for you. And if it doesn’t it will obviously be devastating but better to know now than 3 weeks before your wedding or worse 3 years after you’re married. Keep you’re head up.
Post # 13
As of yesterday afternoon… I am back at my parents; took most of my stuff with me. Slept on the couch.
Confused more than ever.
Post # 14
Good for you for taking a step back to figure out what you need. Be good to yourself, and just wait until you are clear on what it is that YOU want!
Post # 15
Hang in there Bride. I think it’s great that you are taking the steps you need to take care of your heart and your life. We’ll be here if you need us!
Post # 16
Sorry, bridezilla. Staying at your parents will at least help in getting an objective perspective about where to go next.