(Closed) Thought this was supposed to be fun?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

I can say that I have had second thoughts about things, but I’m not sure what you mean about "everything being a mistake"…

I’m sorry wedding planning hasn’t been all you imagined. But as long as your groom is, I guess that is what really matters!

Post # 4
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

Do you mean the wedding and all of the related hoop-la being a mistake, or getting married itself?

If it’s just the wedding business, then I definitely hear ya. I’m still hoping that one of these days my fiance will wake up and magically want to go to city hall. 

If it’s actually getting married that feels like a mistake, you should definitely take some time to think that over. It could just be nerves, but it never hurts to take a closer look at what’s going on with you.

Post # 6
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

Awww…I’m sorry it’s going that way. Have you talked to him about how his comments make you feel?

My fiance likes to think he has ultimate veto power..which has definitely rained on my parade a few times. But I explained to him how much it bothered me…and he has been better.

Moving in together can be a big adjustment too. Try to just take it a day at a time…

Sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 8
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s definitely my inclination to go "something’s wrong here". I think it’s normal for a guy to want to go through his single phase (just in the hangin with the bros sense 🙂 ), but when he’s taking it to an extent that’s earnestly hurting you, that’s out of line. More so since you guys are living together-I think once you live with one another some sacrifice and concern should be had on *both* parts to, as you said, blend your lives together.

I know this isn’t very helpful, but I would definitely suggest trying to bring this up with him. Hopefully he’ll be receptive! Maybe premarital counseling is a good idea as well (though it sounds like he might not be very open to that if he thinks nothing’s wrong :/ ). 

Good luck and you’re in my prayers!! 

Post # 9
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Sorry to hear things are so difficult.  We moved in together several years ago, and it was a rough adjustment.  I do think you need to address the housework and lifestyle issues.  It bothers me that he’s not helping *and* he’s yelling at you to do more work.  It’s like pulling teeth to get FI to do certain chores, but it’s b/c he doesn’t care if they get done…not b/c he thinks it’s my responsibility.  And the partying would drive me batty…esp. b/c I’m guessing you thought living together would help you build intimacy and give you more alone time.

I suspect that he’s having a really strong reaction to losing his freedom/bachelorhood/what have you.  In a funny way this started for fizicsGuy when we started dating.  Though he’d had several long term relationships, I guess he never took them seriously.  And then we were LD and spending tons of time travelling to see each other or on the phone.  It was obviously his choice to this, but after a few months he flipped out.  He even point blank blamed me for taking him away from his friends.  It felt awful, but we did work past it.  Sounds like your FI is avoiding dealing with the reality of what having a partner in life means.  And if he’s got a bunch of friends who can come over every night, maybe it’s harder b/c he doesn’t have role models or friends in a similar siutaiton.

Definitely talk to him about this.  It can be helpful to set housework schedules and to set up a date night.  Good luck and keep us posted!

Post # 10
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

(((HUGS)))

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! This is just my advice, but it sounds like you could really use a step back to look at the situation. Have you thought about trying therapy? Both for just yourself and maybe you and him as a couple. This just doesn’t sound right… it shouldn’t be like this. Every couple goes through hard times, but it sounds like you just aren’t on the same page at the moment.

Your mom might be picking up on your unhappiness. I do hope you find someone you can trust to talk to, and I really hope you can work it out! A partnership should be making *both* of you happy… not just him.

Post # 12
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all (((HUGS)))! Everytime I read one of your posts I am starting to think there is more going on in his mind/world than just adjusting to moving in together and losing his “freedom”.

It very well could be those things and he just doesn’t know how to express his feelings or deal with them but even if it is that, being out right rude and disrespectful is never okay and he needs to know that.

I think it’s good that you are sitting down tonight to have a talk. It sounds like you both may have some things to say to each other. I really hope it all works out in the end for you. And if it doesn’t it will obviously be devastating but better to know now than 3 weeks before your wedding or worse 3 years after you’re married. Keep you’re head up.

Post # 14
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

((BIG HUGS))

Good for you for taking a step back to figure out what you need.  Be good to yourself, and just wait until you are clear on what it is that YOU want!

Post # 15
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Hang in there Bride.  I think it’s great that you are taking the steps you need to take care of your heart and your life.  We’ll be here if you need us!

Post # 16
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry, bridezilla.  Staying at your parents will at least help in getting an objective perspective about where to go next.

Good luck.

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