Thought we were done with the guest list…argh!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6450 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Eek I’m so sorry you are going through this. Almost the exact same thing happened to me. FIL added people because he realized his list wasn’t complete and some people were originally missed because DH didn’t go over the list for his side. His family is massive so I don’t even know all of his aunts and uncles let alone all of his cousins and who has kids! Anyways, I definitely freaked out a couple of times.

Glad you are being optimistic about it! We eventually got it all figured out too but I do agree that it is definitely a frustrating experience!

Post # 4
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

Hope you get everything sorted out!! That’s so frustrating. Somehow FI and I managed to just put our guest list together ourselves. We didn’t ask for anyone else to give suggestions or names. Our ceremony venue only holds 120, we’re at 129 invited. I think we’ll be okay. FMIL did try and add some people to our list I guess but FI shut that down immediately. He told her if he can’t remember/doesn’t know who these people are then they do not need to be invited. We both have large families but we were able to make it work.

The most difficult part for me was tracking down addresses! FI had everyone’s pretty much ready to go in a spreadsheet as soon as I asked him. My family took a little more time and research to track down everyone.

I like the idea though of utilizing the campsites near your venue! That’s fun. It gives those people the option of just walking back to their campsite afterwards, maybe they’ll enjoy a late night campfire and some s’mores.

Post # 5
1696 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@DomesticDiva:  Haha, I’m sorry you need to go through this headache. I laugh only because it NEVER ENDS.


We have been planning for 16 months now. Pretty much week one we went to our families and asked who they wanted to invite. Our invitations went out 2 weeks ago and yesterday my mother starts asking me to invite X, Y and Z. Seriously? You had SIXTEEN MONTHS to think about this. That’s on top of the people you assumed were invited and I had to invite after you invited them yourself!


So my best advice? Smile, take a deep breath and roll with the punches. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Post # 6
3217 posts
Sugar bee

Well just remember while she may have told these people they will be invited, it doesn’t sound like you will actually invite them.  No one is invited until they have the invitation in their hand.

I would just tell her you cannot accomodate XXXXXX and that is that.  No need to stress.  She had her chance, and honestly if she couldn’t think of them until 3 months later they are clearly not that important.

Post # 10
11 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

Its super frustrating and its such a common issue to have, so youre definitely not alone.  We have a 2 year engagement and after year 1 and 3 months, i asked my future in-laws to supply me with their final guestlist.  Its now 24 days before the wedding which means RSVPS have been sent back and seating chart arranged. MIL decides to call and ask if she can invite more people. No shame in these people…not to mention super inconsiderate. 


In the end, FI just said “theres always consequences…they either can or cant”. Since they are late, they cannot. 

Post # 11
1696 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@DomesticDiva:  Ok, let’s do this together with our Mississippis (you know, 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi…)


1 – Deep breath in
2 – breathe out
3 – Deep breath in
4 – breathe out
5 – Deep breath in
6 – breathe out
7 – Deep breath in
8 – breathe out
9 – Deep breath in
10- Breathe out .

Repeat until you are feeling better.


Remember, the most important part of the entire day is that you walk away married to the person you want to spend your life with. If the building explodes, your dress gets splashed, only 5 people show up and the officiant forgets your name, NONE OF THAT MATTERS because it is just one day marking the rest of your future. 🙂

Post # 12
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

How many total are you over your capacity limit? Generally you can count on about 20% of guests rsvp-ing “no” or cancelling last minute. I’d say you’re probably just fine (but tell you’re parents you’re desperately overbooked from here on out). Are there a few +1’s you could take out, or people you kind of know won’t be able to make it?

Post # 14
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@DomesticDiva:  Lol yea those suggestions are ridiculous! I know it’s incredibly frustrating : ( I’d take a few days off from planning, then go back through your list and mentally check off any people who you think probably won’t attend (ex. elderly & lives far away….haven’t seen in 10 yrs…isn’t dating anyone so may not have +1) and see where you stand. If they try to add anyone else tell them the guest list is CLOSED!

Post # 15
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Tell her to list these extra guest with importance. The first 10 will receive invitations and the rest will be on the B list and will be invited if people decline. 

We did this just to shut my MIL up. We didnt invite anyone from the B list. 

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